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We have been apart 6 weeks. What will be my next step.


chriscorkish

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Hi

I am 23 and my ex girlfriend is 21. We have been together for 8 years. We broke up 6 weeks ago. We had just returned from Australia. When I got with her she was a mess. She was raped and was cutting herself and I helped her through them problems , she does not have a family either and me and my family basically took her into our family. We were so close and in love. I never cheated or beat her up. I made mistakes like looking through her phone and sometimes I may have made her feel insecure about her look but not on purpose. She told me when she was with me she was such an angry person and it was toxic being with me and she wasnt happy the last few months. So she ended it. Last week she told me she loved and misses me but she wants to try and live without me. This week she said that she dosent love or miss me. In the last few weeks I have text her 20 times a day so she was very angry when she said that to me. I said all the stuff that I done for her but she didnt want to listen to that and brushed it off. Then she got very upset and started to cry. I think she is trying to make out being with me is the worst thing in the world to make her feel Better. I know she loves me. What should I do. Give space ?

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You need to leave her alone and stop blackmailing her trying to make her feel like she owes you for whatever you did for her in the past. She owes you nothing and it's a pretty low thing for you to be doing. Texting her 20 times per day is just nuts. Stop it. Clearly, your relationship was a rocky one and she finally decided it's best to move on. You need to move on as well. Stop contacting her.

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As painful as it may be, I agree that you need to stop contacting her. I'm sure you've both done a lot for each other and it hurts to feel like the efforts you've put into a relationship are being dismissed but that doesn't mean you have to stay together. Every time you contact her you are creating more pain for yourself. It's heartbreaking right now but it will get better.

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Most early teen relationships reach a 'break out' period where one person feels suffocated by the other.

 

You continue to suffocate her. Stop that.

 

If you don't want her to turn even more hostile, stop trying to manipulate her with a list of the things you've done for her--she's not in any mood for that and will thwart you in an aggressive way.

 

BTW--if someone tried to manipulate me the way you've been attempting to do to her, I'd be furious, too.

 

You need to let her go and live her life. Over time she may look back with fondness and want to contact you again someday. But your current behavior is making that a much smaller possibility--I'd quit that.

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All I hear from you is what you've done for her. So you think she owes you. Do you really want someone to stay with you because they feel like they owe you? She doesn't owe you anything. She owes it to herself to be happy, and she told you she hasn't been happy with you. If you love her, you should want her to be happy, not reminding her of what you've done for her.

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