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Firstly, I apologise if I'm in the wrong forum but there were a few to choose from, I figured this would be my best bet. So I'm 24, and I only been with one guy, we met when we were 17 and became incredible friends, connected at the hip, he was my best friend and the person I trusted the most. There was always this joke about us getting together or getting married one day, we had so much chemistry but at the time I always blew him off as just a friend. He was like my brother. Anyway a couple of years passed and at the time I had feelings for another friend who didn't feel the same way, I remember one day I was laying in his bed and he told me to move on, there were other guys out there who wanted to be with me, then he tried to kiss me and play it off like it was a joke. I told him it would ruin everything and I was right. After that my feelings for him started to develop, all of a sudden he wasn't such a brother figure anymore. After a while I decided to tell him how I felt, to which he replied that he was sorry for leading me on but he only seen me as a friend. It didn't damage our friendship and we just continued on the way we always had. A few months down the track our friendship had developed into the occasional hook up. He was a lot more experienced then I was so I refused to have sex with him, but he always told me he had feelings for me but didn't want to risk our friendship. At the time I knew there were other girls in his life but it didn't let it get to me so much, I knew that we were meant to be together and it would happen eventually. Eventually, the physical side of our "friendship" began to take its toll. I had strong feelings for him but he always pushed me away after spending time with me, shall we say as more of a couple. It lead to a lot of fights and tears on my behalf. There were a lot of times I thought I would never talk to him again but he would always turn up again, thus proving my point further that we just couldn't stay apart. We had been friends for about 5 years or so before I gave into him, and finally slept with him.

I remember how rude he became the second it was over, practically kicked me out of his bed and made me leave. It was not the bonding experience I expected. After that he began avoiding me and blaming me, saying he was sick of me always being angry at him. Well there was good reason. I cut him off after that, never wanted to talk to him again. Anyway after many months of hurt and heartbreak we ran into each other one day and started talking, just picked up right where we left off and i finally thought I had my best friend back. Soon after he met another girl and I didn't get to see him or hear from him as much. The last time I seen him was to receive an invitation to their engagement party, I didn't go but told him via text that it was time for me to move on, though I would always hold him as a dear friend. I never heard back from him. They will be married in 2 weeks, I still cry about him all the time, not because I haven't moved on...I have. I just wish I could understand why he did what he did, why he would hurt someone who he said he cared for so deeply as friends. How can a person treat another so cruelly? Surely he feels bad for abusing my trust, and hurting me so much. I haven't been with anyone else since and this was almost 2 years ago, so I still think about him a lot. I guess I just need some reassurance, sometimes I think I want him back as a friend and then i remember that he is about to marry someone else and I feel so lost about it all, I wish I could have an apology or

some closure on him. Just not sure if I'll ever get it.

Would appreciate if anyone has any suggestions on how to move forward. Thanks.

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The pain of loss is indeed hard to take on board, accept, let go of and then move on from.

I am trying to learn about how to do this right now as well...to help me in my situation. I am 9 months out of a 3yr relationship with a partner who had 3 awesome kids which i had took on as my own... it was such a great life... busy with fam and plans for the future...

But then she went out one night and cheated on me, and decided to change her whole direction in life... not the same person anymore at all.

and have only just begun to accept the loss of a life and and future that to me felt like a sure thing!

It is very painful to let go, thats why you still get upset. I do too! But i know i have to stop torturing myself. ME, i have to heal ME, you gotta let it go in order to move on properly

 

This next bit is something that is helping me right at this very moment...

 

"The past is the past. I loved and i lost. I was hurt a lot. But i have to leave that hurt where it belongs. In The Past. I am saying goodbye to it now, i will not let it affect my future anymore... and i will be happy being ME again from this point on in my life!!! "

 

Gh123, we cant change what happened. We cant change other people or the way they acted. But we CAN change the focus of our minds... the above sentence i wrote for myself last night. Remove the focus off him and the past, and re-focus your time and energy back into YOU.

 

Your life NOW. Your future. Your happiness!! Tell the past to p*$s off, its not allowed here in the present with you!

Seriously, saying simple things like this may seem silly, but they really do help you realise " hey yeah! That happened ages ago!"

Snaps you back into reality.

 

I know thats what my brain needs

 

Closure is something you need to give to yourself with situations like these.

Shut that book. Close it and put it back in the bookshelf. And start thinking about what kind of new book you would like to read.

Understand that people grow and change. Not always in the same direction as you.

Understand that people dont always handle situations and treat others in the right way. They screw up. Make mistakes.

From a lack of experience

From a selfish side of their personality that wasn't obvious to you

From a difference in their view on life...values and beliefs that make them who they are.

 

If you find yourself slipping backwards... write it down with pen and paper

On one page, write the way you feel. The whys, the how could he's. The confusing bits. Your emotional side. Get it all out of your head and onto the paper.. take a moment to be upset... then say you yourself

" i am going to look at this rationally now"... take a few steady breaths.

On the facing page, answer your emotional side with a clear rational mind. Answer with the realities!! You'll be surprised with what you come up with! Balance your emotions with reason... and you'll get the answers you need to gain a sense of closure. You will see why its better for you to be where you are now instead where you were 2 yrs ago.

 

Its so important to realise that you are doing the right thing by removing yourself from his life... it gives you the space to fully concentrate on yours, not his!

 

 

It would be soooo great to get a genuine heartfelt apology from these people that we care so deeply for! But as much as we want it, we cannot force it out of them. wont happen, they are not in the right place in life.

they are with another person and do not deal properlywith that guilt that they surely do feel... choose to push it to the side... distance themselves from what they did... but they cant forget.

That apology will only come with maturity, it may take years!

IF... if the apology comes... It will come when they finally reach a point in their lives where they have experienced something similar or see somebody close to them go through this pain WE were given... they will hopefully take a good look in the mirror and take the time to reflect on what they did. And realise the importance of saying " i am truly sorry for what i did"

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