Ex girlfriend dumps me and gets with my friend

[mel11080]

Right where to start... I was with my girlfriend for just over a year are anniversary was 24th october last month. She lived in 2 hours away from me so i use to drive up to see her as much as i could and stop over in hotels so we could spend the weekend together. and then she choose to go to university which is close to me so she only lived 30 minutes away.

 

anyways she turns round to me 5 days ago in a text message and tells me she doesnt love me anymore and she hasnt loved me for a long time. So im left heart broken wondering what I did wrong? wanting to fix things i go round to her house a couple of days later and we talk and i cry my heart out and have all my questions answered by her and told her i respected her for been honest and upfront rather than leading me on. We decide to be friends... (which i no was a bad idea...) and we go shopping together and i go back to hers and soon as i walked in the room it just felt so empty... shed removed any sort of reminders of me from the walls... and thats when it kind of set in that i wasnt going to get her back.

 

So last night my friends were all off out drinking so i decided to go as well because my other plans had been cancelled and half way through the night my ex asks me to step outside because she wants to talk... and then tells me she has feelings for one of my friends... even though when she broke up with me she had said she didnt want another relationship and id said to her i dont mind as long as you dont get with my friends because thats just not right. Also id asked her when i was there face to face if there was anyone else she had said no... so i was in complete shock. So i went home and didnt want to ruin everyones night and she went home with my so call friend....

 

Then i tell her a piece of my mind while i was drunk and wake up to a long texts this morning saying she her feelings are long gone and its not my friends fault and she had lost her feelings before she came down to university 3 months ago... So now im sat here just feeling sorry for myself not knowing what to do and thinking about all the times ive told her i loved her and all the memories we made and realizing she was lying to me the entire time. Ive never felt so heart broken and it just seems to be lies after lies with her I will never find out the real reasons for her actions. I honestly dont know how to move on from this I was planning my future with her while she was planning to move on. I have the feeling she was preparing herself to move on when she found someone else but wanted to string me along until she did. I feel as though im in a very dark place right now. I cant sleep, i havent been eating ive lost 7 pounds in less than a week and cried myself to sleep at night. I just dont see things ever getting better.....

[Realitynut]

Sorry Sweetie, this is a text book break-up. Usually the person (especially a woman) is thinking about breaking up long and hard before they actually drop the bomb. It's not like you had a big fight, and she broke up with you in the heat of the moment. This is classic. That is why the dumper isn't hurt when it happens, cuz her feelings are LONG GONE! And it's a complete shock to you!

 

I know it's not going to help you any, but this forum is FULL of stories identical to yours. Read them and understand that you are NOT alone. Hence the title to this forum. You will read all about going NC (no contact) to get over it quickly. Seeing her out with your buddy will be a killer tho.

 

I had an ex who saw me for almost a year. He had been with a woman for 10 years. She left him for his best friend, who had been with a girl for years also. Come to find out, after almost a year, the guy i was seeing (he lived 1 1/2 hrs away) was also seeing the EX of his (ex) best friend. After we broke up, I don't know what happened, i think he married her.

 

But you are young, breakups are more common than people staying together forever.

 

You know only time will heal, and you will get lots of advice on here. I was planning my wedding when i found out my fiance was cheating....and it took me two years to get over it! lol Not good.

 

Just delete her from your phone so you don't get any urges to txt her nasty messages. Try not to get drunk. Go for lots of walks or work out. Keep your mind busy. Read these forums and you will get thu.

 

Its tough, but you will feel better in a few months.....

 

Good luck.

[mel11080]

Thank you so much

[astrobaby]

Sorry to hear that. I've been through a few rough break ups over the years, so i do understand. I've been there. Like Realitynut said, it sounds textbook.

 

All i can say is as all consuming as this feels right now, as much as it hurts and rules every waking thought and feeling, it'll get better. I promise. You are young and on the landscape of your life this will just become a small insignificant blip. With time. She is obviously not quite entirely who you thought she was, and this 'friend' is no real friend.

 

Keep posting here as you feel you need to, there are lots of wise people who'll help you through.

[SooSad33]

One blow after another huh? Wow, poor you

Brave of her to want to 'talk' to YOU about her interest in your friend..ick!

You are feeling like a wreck now.. for sure. And the best thing I think you should do is do NOT be her 'friend'. I think this is the last thing you need, in order to heal.. UNTIL you no longer have these 'feelings' for her and are 'healed'.

 

You are feeling so rough now because you're trying to accept & deal with this loss. Having her around will NOT help things.

Best for you is to go No Contact, at all. First things first.

 

This guy will probably be her 'rebound' cause im sure she is not fully over your relationship yet...

 

The break up of 5 days ago is still VERY raw and new. You will feel MANY emotions for the next few months. Sadness, denial, anger, heartbreak..etc. This is to be expected, but like I said, in order to deal with this the right way is to NOT have her around, at all Less reminders, the better- for YOU!

Loss is NEVER easy.. and it's now time for you to deal with you.

 

As for the loss of sleep, losing weight etc is result of anxiety. I'd go talk to doctor asap and explain this to them. Ask about getting something for it, as it will take it's toll on you this way for a bit. ( Cpl months?).

It is terrible, I know.

 

Anyways.. stick with us here. Go one day at a time, as you deal with this. And remember.. you're not alone.

 

tc

[mel11080]

thank you, i just keep going through a range of emotions from hate to hurting. One minute i feel fine and then the next im hurting. I just keep analysying the whole relatiosnhip to try and figure out when she lost feelings for me and when she developed feelings for my friend behind my back. I mean the other weekend i saw them kissing on a night out and i asked my friend if that was normal because i didnt want to react and she said i should be worried... guess i should have been... but she denied it and said they were just joking about. I dont understand why she would jump straight on to someone else after i told her i need time to heal... its like a switch has been flipped and shes changed into a different person and not the same person i fell in love with. Then im worried if im going to lose all my friends if they take their side on the matter... could end up all on my own.

[SooSad33]

Yes, Mel.. and you will. It all sucks.

She has chosen this road- work on letting it go. Time to concentrate on you, k?

 

As for your friends 'issue'- It seems to be a ring of friends you're both entwined with? Hmmmmm.. well I would think most will NOT end up going against you. If anything, they'd 'feel' for you. Not push you away.

Circumstances like these aren't nice (ex's and friends).

 

We Always make 'new' friends. I know you will make more, again thru your life.

To just have one or two GOOD friends is good!

 

Take it easy.. one day at a time

tc