Very early NC - annoying niggles

[sprinkles1]

Hello everyone, hope we're all well.

 

I'm on very early NC, only been a day or two and I'm already feeling the annoying fearful niggles your mind goes through; the what ifs and worries. I keep telling myself it's about me now and not to worry, what will be will be and it's still so early.

 

I've already followed Sharky's great advice on getting rid of all social network stalking opportunities and I still have my number to change. The only thing that wouldn't work was instagram, which I need to keep trying with.

 

Last night I posted a photo about driving and he commented asking for a drive of my car, then texted me minutes later saying he thought I was texting him on Friday (the day I started NC) and he missed me.

 

I don't want to do an in depth analysis of this just want to know, does it get easier to avoid the breadcrumbs? Thanks guys

[Tanzi]

You could avoid posting photos until you work out how to block him (I guess that is what you meant when you said it wouldn't work).

 

Other than that all you can do is to ignore his contact, hard though I know it is. He will soon get the message and know you mean business. I have to admit .... although I was good at NOT contacting my ex I was pretty useless at ignorning him when he contacted me so in the end I had to tell him to stop ... after almost 7 months he finally did. We are now 8.5 months post break-up but only 6 weeks into NC (maybe 7, I'm losing count).

 

It is certainly easier to learn to live without him now that he is finally respecting my wishes.

[sprinkles1]

Yes that sounds like a good idea. I did try and unfollow and block him the night we broke up but it wouldn't work. I tend to forget he can still see my posts until I get a comment or like.

 

You sound a lot like me; I'm very good and stubborn with not initiating contact, but as it's only been a week, my head hasn't fully switched to 'he's not in your life anymore, don't respond, so when he does text it's hard to ignore.

 

It's been easier during the week to keep busy it's just always Sundays that get me as I'm not at work and there's barely anything going on.

 

I'm glad to hear it's getting easier for you; I think time helps a lot with healing as things start to feel less raw.

 

He wants to be single for a while to give himself time to get over his old breakup and I would love to date him again in the future, but NC it must be for now!

[Lambert]

Just keep trying. It is hard but it gets easier. You might have to tell him flat out to please not contact you. That is really hard and you will feel like crap but you might have to do it. Break ups are hard and they hurt both people (whether you see it or not) and these little bouts of contact really just make it that much worse. I say this because I do it, too. It's emotional... If I could control it every second, I would!!

 

Just keep trying to keep your distance

[Tanzi]

I have just read over a previous thread of yours to obtain some background inf on your relationship/break-up. This guy told you he was still in love with his ex. What a shame he had to jump into a relationship before he was ready because now YOU are suffering unnecessarily.

 

He really shouldn't be sending you messages saying he misses you, regardless of how is feeling, because what he misses is the friendship and companionship you shared - not to mention the void you were filling. He isn't missing you in the way you would really want him too and he shouldn't be sending you messages that may confuse you and hinder your healing. What he wants right now is you to ease his loneliness but this loneliness is being caused by his ex. Don't be his emotional crutch.

 

Whilst he is giving himself time to get over his ex, you should be taking that same time to get over him. Try not to focus on him coming back in the future because once he is over his ex it is likely that he will want to keep on moving forwards. Hopefully, by that time anyway, you will have moved far enough forward in your own journey not to want him back either.

 

Stay strong and stay focused.

 

.... and I hope that anyone who thinks that getting involved in a rebound relationship is the answer to getting over their ex will read this and realise that those "rebounds" have feelings too.

[sprinkles1]

Thank you both for the responses!

 

It's really hard knowing you believed everything someone said to you, especially when they said it so seriously, but obviously some people have no qualms about saying things they don't mean! He keeps acting like there's still an attraction between us, even in the breakup and still treats me the same as we were before the breakup (wanting to kiss me, calling me babe etc and even the last time we met he was joking on about loving me) which makes it harder to stay focused, but I know I can't believe that! He drops all of these silly breadcrumbs like life wouldn't be good without me, but breadcrumbs are just that!

 

He shut down about the ex situation, saying he wouldn't be able to get over it if he talked about it and that he didn't want to keep being reminded of hurting me because it really got to him. I just have to take the good advice and keep focusing on me even if he still wants to act as normal, he isn't going to get anywhere and I need to think about me!

 

I hope people will see it too! Breakups hurt and take a lot to get over but you're only going to cause even more hurt and mess if you drag someone into it unexpectedly and make them think you are invested long term. In a way I'm glad it ended before it had chance to get even more serious and go on for a long period of time because I think then I would have been extremely annoyed and frustrated at spending even more money on petrol to drive to see him and wasted time!