Rebounds

[LovesMusic]

I've recently just met a girl and at the time she had a boyfriend. Just recently, she broke up with her boyfriend and in a way we have been talking. We spend the night with each other a lot (no sex though) and we usually talk all night. I've told her that I am aware she is in a weird spot because of her break up and I have no intention of pursuing anything with her because it would obviously be a rebound. We are just friends as it is and we still have sleepovers. I am curious though what the options are in a situation like this. If she didn't just get out of a relationship I would normally want to pursue this because we actually connect and talk. Her and I both know and I've told her that she needs time to get over her last relationship before getting into a new one, but we stay up all night talking and to me it seems like she likes me (which I'm sure she does). Is this normal rebound behavior or might she actually like me?

[missmarple]

It could be both. Rebound behavour and she actually likes you. Rebound doesn't mean that people don't like their 'rebound person'..it just means they're not ready for a new commitment. Since you're friends, you can be around her and see how she acts. There are people who don't do 'rebounds' (I'm one of them, I never had a rebound relationship in my life.. I had actually met my ex husband right after a long term relationship had ended). Your best bet is to keep talking with her and let her dictate the pace. Was her relationship a serious one?

[SooSad33]

I'm sure she does like you- but you need to understand that she'd most likely be harbouring feelings still, for her ex as well.

She isn't 'stable' in many ways yet.. to be able to move on into a new relationship 'whole heartedly'.

 

She needs to 'accept' the relationship is over, deal with the confusing emotion's she's sure to endure for the next while.

I'm not sure how long they were together?

 

This is why it is always advisable to 'take a break' from moving on, into a new relationship so soon, as that will risk that one as well.

She'll be showing sadness, confusion, etc for a while.

She may be happy 'talking' etc with you now because she 'needs' to and you are there now, kind of as her 'emotional pillow'.

 

So you need to make sure this DOES go at a slow pace. If she moves on too fast, it can end up moving way TOO FAST.

Like 'i love you', after 2 weeks.. idea of marriage etc..within a month or so.

It's because they've gone and jumped right from one relationship right into another one.. and their brain is stuck in the position of the previous one.

 

Here, you two are just 'getting to know each other' phase.

 

So- take it all easy- you know of things to watch for.. the emotions.. going too fast...

And, in the end, she could possibly, suddenly end everything as fast as it started.

 

**this is just caution- giving you a heads up** You can go online and search 'rebound relationships'. To understand more, how they work.

[savignon]

I agree that a rebound doesn't mean that person doesn't like their rebound but rather that they're not ready for a relationship. Having sleepovers isn't a good idea b/c you're saying you're just friends and not pursuing her and that she needs time to heal and then you're acting like 'more than friends', spending 'pursuant' time with her and she doesn't have time to heal b/c she's chatting snuggling and sleeping next to a man. Mixed messages.