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Considering suicide because of constant rejection from being a short guy


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I am 25 and I'm 5'5". Women hate short men. We can't make them feel "feminine" or "protected." And dating us is a liability because the kids will be short. And I understand...everyone has their preferences. Women almost universally want tall men, at least 5'10 or over, usually 6ft or more. I don't want to have to settle for someone I'm not attracted to. I have a handsome face, I'm in great shape, have a very good job...but the height ruins my entire package. I'd almost rather be butt ugly and tall, because then I could at least get plastic surgery. Plus, ugly men usually get a pass if they're tall.

 

And please don't spew any bs about confidence...I am actually confident in myself in ever area but this. You can be as confident as you want, it won't change the fact that women simply hate short men.

 

I know if I live as I am now, I will be forever alone. So I'm considering either suicide or trying the height surgery if I can get enough money. I just don't know what to do. Life's not fair, and I know that. Sucks that women hate me for something I have zero control over

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I know there are some women out there like that. My best friend won't date any guys unless they are at least 4 inches taller than her and she's 5'6".

 

I on the other hand am 5'4" and dated men who were your height (2 to be exact) and I have no height preferences. I am not turned off in the slightest by a "short" guy. I'm also very thin but have dated men who were MUCH larger than me. There are plenty of people who have preferences and preferences are fine, but I really think when people won't date "short" people or "chubby" people its their own problem and they block off a good chunk of dating potential.

 

I am engaged and my best friend hasn't ever had a long term relationship. So don't let certain people deter you from dating or make you feel like you aren't good enough because I know for a fact I would date a man of your height.

 

There are also a number of women who are much shorter than 5'5 so don't get so down about it

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Have you considered moving to somewhere in Asia?

 

So this seems like an extreme move on face value, but actually, wouldn't this be better than suicide? The US has some of the tallest people in the world with an average female height of about 5'5". Meanwhile, there are other countries where the average height of females is close to 5'0".

 

I am a bit taller than average for a girl and my husband is a bit shorter than average for a guy. He's about 2 inches taller than me. I prefer to be with someone closer to my height. I couldn't imagine being in a relationship where I was like a foot or more shorter than the guy. Which is nearly impossible for how tall I am. But you know what I mean. If I was like 5'2" I don't think I would want to date someone 6'4". I wouldn't even feel like I was dating within my species.

 

So yeah, while the dating pool might be reduced for you it definitely isn't impossible. You would still be 5 inches taller than a 5'0" girl. I don't know what most girls of that height prefer but I think I would feel like it was a parent/child relationship if there was such a huge discrepancy in size.

 

Besides, you would be exotic in some other country and usually that works in your favor.

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I'm 5'2" and have dated guys from around 5'7' to 6'4". The shortest guy I dated just happened to be the shortest that asked me out.

 

The one I had a schoolgirl crush on for years only reached 5'5". And even years later, I'd've jumped at the chance to date him. We were friends from 3rd grade through high school, and I saw him a few times in my 20's. Sadly, he was always taken or surrounded by women.

 

He wasn't particularly athletic, he wasn't a typically attractive type - he was a redhead with a ton of freckles, and the most adorable guy I've ever seen He also had a great laugh and sense of mischief. He was just plain FUN and managed to be fun without being friendzoned.

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There are other things going on besides an issue with your height if you are actually considering suicide. That is a very extreme response to difficulties. There are other things much more important going on with you if this is your response to an experience of feeling rejected because of your height. Which which or may not be an accurate view of the total debate on height ( I personally think your view is an inaccurate view; not because there aren't some women out there who do discriminate against a man based on height, but because of how much importance you are giving that in your total sense of who you are and what is out there in the world for you).

 

My point is: there is no sense debating the "issue" of whether or not your height has caused the feelings it has for you or not. Obviously it is something which deeply troubles you. And for a man who is healthy and of a healthy height to feel that way about himself: there are certainly other things at play. I won't say "confidence". But possibly depression, or some other underlying causes or issues which are making this one thing the straw which you fixate on as having broken your back.

 

I think you should prioritize speaking to a professional. Why?! Because you are thinking of taking your own life. A precious life, with so much potential.

 

On a more personal note for me. My father was a 'short' man. Shorter than you. My brother is short man. Other important men - yes, including men I have loved in a non family way - have been shorter men.

 

You are saying women hate - hate, such a strong word! - shorter men. Yet my experience has been the opposite. Some of the people I've loved the most have happened to be people who weren't tall. I think it's pretty heart breaking for anyone to imply they were/are not lovable or somehow not worthy of love because of such a thing as height. To me, it's like saying someone isn't worthy of love and worthy of being hated based on having brown hair! In other words, ridiculous.

 

Preferences are a totally different animal from discrimination. When it's preference, you can still see the worth of somebody. You just happen to prefer particular traits. You are describing an experience of the type of loathing that comes when you feel like you feel you are not valued, dismissed, unimportant, somehow inferior. And that is not a load for you to carry; even if there are some people out there who do think that way (and it isn't the majority, IMO) - they are wrong. That mentality is wrong.

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I believe that your negative mindset DOES play a huge role in what you are going through. Not all women seek tall guys. Personally, I would choose a guy with a handsome face over a guy with an ugly face everytime. Granted, I would not date someone who is shorter than me, but I would chose handsome of similar height over tall ugly.

 

You are telling yourself that women hate you and as a result you don't let yourself 'see' all the women out there who are fine with same/similar height men. You have even thought about women making 'provisions' about the height of their children which is WAY overboard! That's your problem right there! I would try cognitive behavioral therapy or some other form of councelling to dispell your distorted way of thinking.

 

I won't lie to you. A group of women do seek out much taller men but definitely not all of them! Women do NOT hate you and if you had had bad experiences in the past, I think that it was probably more of a reaction to your negative mindset when approaching them rather than your actual height. Women can sense your inferiority complex and THAT is what is driving them away more than your height.

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I am a woman, 173cm (5'9 for you Americans) and I won't date someone who is even the same height. I am 6 foot with heels on.

 

Have you considered moving to somewhere in Asia?

 

How is this response helpful in anyway?

 

OP, the HOTTEST guy I ever knew was short. I think he was 5'6".Every girl on my campus wanted to date him. There of course, there are all the cute short men in Hollywood...

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I am a woman, 173cm (5'9 for you Americans) and I won't date someone who is even the same height. I am 6 foot with heels on.

 

Have you considered moving to somewhere in Asia?

 

Way to make him feel better. You're not 5'9 anyway.

 

Anyway 5'5 ain't that short OP, I've seen many short guys with gfs so height isn't THAT important. Work on your other areas (dress nice, be confident, be a go getter) and the height thing won't be that much of a obstacle.

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Not all women hate short men. I have dated men shorter than me (I'm 5'7"), and had a huuuge crush on a guy who was 5'4". Like Butterfly says, you're just not meeting the right women. Or, like another poster said, you could just shoot for the petite women.

 

Is there anything else going on that's making you consider suicide?

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I am a woman, 173cm (5'9 for you Americans) and I won't date someone who is even the same height. I am 6 foot with heels on.

Have you considered moving to somewhere in Asia?

 

 

are you serious .....move to asia ...its women like you that make men like him feel like a piece of crap ...

 

 

op ..yeah some women wont date short men

some men wont date short women

some men wont date tall women

some women wont date hairy men

sme women wont date bald men

 

can you see where I am going with this ....

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OK, I am 5'10" which is very tall for a woman, so i have the same 'problem' as you do so to speak... There are always 'norms' and fantasies that SOME people will stick to no matter what, but the reality is that the world is full of all people of all heights and just about everybody gets married eventually unless they don't want to do so, if they just keep looking.

 

The average height of women is 5'5", and the mean height is 5'4", so you are as tall or taller than the average woman. What you need to do is just keep looking until you find a woman who is not so tied to fantasy/social convention. And I found that for myself, I was HAPPY to exclude any man who excluded me just based on my height, because it meant he was someone who was narrow minded and not all that interested in me as a PERSON and not looking at me as an entire package but just as some item on a checklist that was basically pretty shallow. And i found men who tended to dislike my height were narcissists or self centered/image oriented people who had ego issues about their own masculinity, and i didn't want them either! (i.e, they couldn't 'tolerate' a tall woman because they saw it as making them feel smaller and weren't confident in their own manhood, in the same way a woman who will exclude short men may have issues with her feminity and want to be treated more like a child with a 'big Daddy' than a partner).

 

So it really was an advantage for me because I formed bonds with men who REALLY liked me and clicked with me as oppsoed to men who were just looking for a cookie cutter type relationship with rigid gender roles. The men I have dated have always been more intelligent, interesting, and surprisingly handsome and confident people who want to partner they really enjoy on multiple levels rather than just someone with a certain look. And I have dated men both shorter and taller than me.

 

So I think the first thing you have to work on is accepting that you only need ONE person to marry and live your life with, and short men marry all the time. All of us have different advantages and disadvantages in terms of looks and who we are as people, so you need to stop this kind of thinking and recognize that MOST PEOPLE don't get to date anyone and everyone they please. Dating is a numbers game, and you have to just keep trying and not take any rejection too seriously.

 

You can probably help yourself out by doing some online dating where you put your height down so that they know what it is, and hence will only meet women who are willing to date guys in your height range. And work on developing a positive attitude towards life in general because that will attract them to you rather than you sitting around being upset and bitter you can't date any woman you please. Nobody can!

Edited by lavenderdove
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I am 5'6''-5'7'' , and i do very well in the dating world. People from all height ranges call me for advice all the time, they think i got it like that, so they and the women i dated didnt care that my bones werent long enough. I have dated and broke up with a woman that was 5'10-5'11' and two who was 5'8''. I have been approached by women who were taller at parties. But i usually date women around my exact height. And yes, some women have commented about how i am short, or i am their shortest, or how they like tall men... i dont give two farts, if it really bothered me then i would respond with, "well, i like women who actually have breasts" or whatever they lacked in our perfect world.

 

My cousin once told me to stay away from a girl because she likes taller men, he has said that twice. The first one i hooked up with, the second one was taller than me- and she even once whispered, "thor is the shortest person in the group, he can play for the teen leagues because he looks small next to us"- i was holding back from firing back- before, during and after this comment shes been chasing me to date me, doing everything she could to get my attention, and i never gave her a chance because of that comment (plus she was just dumb).

 

There will be women who will have height as an issue, thats fine, just dont date them. Avoid wearing big clothes, bulking up in muscle that makes you wide, keep your posture straight, wear boots (women wear heels to make themselves taller, push up bras to have perky breasts, make up to cover holes and blemishes, all genders should do what they can to look good), carry yourself with confidence, avoid standing next to tall people all the time, or looking up at them when they talk.

 

When i worked retail, there were two guys that were considered the womanizer/players. It was me (which was bs, because i was always falling in love- i wasnt playing anyone out- i just dated the wrong type of women that ended up in breakups, so i had a lot of women added up at that time) and a guy who was 5'5'' or probably 5'4'' (this guy got all the woman, he was short, and in my opinion he was ugly, but he managed to get a lot of women). And yes, it came from confidence.

Edited by Thorshammer
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I agree with Itsallgrand that there is more to your issues here than just your height, and that you should seek out professional help if you are considering suicide.

 

You are causing your own problems here by not being open minded enough to realize that there are many woman out there that actually don't focus solely on looks/height when they choose a partner.

 

Yes, there are some woman who have height restrictions, but there are many more that don't put up these barriers to finding a loving relationship. I am 5'7"-ish woman and I have only dated men that were around my height, the most 2" taller than me. I have had crushes on guys that were shorter than me by several inches. I have had a crush on a guy that was crippled and relied on a motorized scooter too. These guys were confident, sweet and interesting and didn't let their shortcomings define them, because they actually liked themselves.

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OP, I am not much taller than you. I'm 5'7", and I do just fine with dating, both online and in real life. Like Thors, I've also been out with taller women. The girl at my local Starbucks that prepares my coffee everyday is like 5'10" or 5'11" and I'm pretty sure she's crushing on me. I've caught her staring at me as I waited on line and she also sometimes writes smiley/winky faces on my coffee next to my name. I'm not that attracted to her, but if I was, I would make a move regardless of her height. I also had a date with a girl who is like 5'9" on Friday night. You just have to be confident (which I know you don't want to hear) and own it. Yes, many women are heightists (including some really petite women who insist on a guy 2 ft taller than them to compensate for their own height), but if you're confident in yourself and like yourself (like happybear said), you'd be surprised to learn how many are willing to overlook it.

 

Also, height is more of an issue with online dating. Definitely be honest about your height and you will get girls messaging you who are willing to date shorter guys. You can also use the "reverse match" option (I believe on link removed) to see what girls are looking for a guy like you. And I have personally found that it matters even less in real life. I was one of the shortest guys at the bar two weekends ago, yet I scored 4 numbers that night (one I saw Friday night, another I'm seeing this week).

 

Think about it this way...if all women truly hate short men, then how come there are so many short men with girlfriends? Why do short men still exist? Clearly they haven't been wiped out of the gene pool because there ARE women who don't care about height. I've actually heard many women say they care more about facial aesthetics than height, and since you said you're not bad looking, you should still be ok.

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From a completely different perspective - ok, so you don't have a romantic partner. But that doesn't mean you can't have a fulfilling life, friends, hobbies, career, etc... There are many people who didn't have anyone - think of Mother Theresa - who still made an impact on this world. Well, obviously, being celibate is no fun, but what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't let this define you. It sounds like you have a lot going for you, so I think with some therapy and some work, you can get to a better place in your life where you are happy with yourself, and maybe even find love.

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I don't need a tall man, I just need him to be taller than me. I am 5'5", my guy is 5'7" and I am satisfied. I dated a guy 6", I didn't like it, I prefer 5'7".

 

my advice is date girls who are 5'0" to 5'2" . should not be a problem.

 

But if you find them too short and hence not attractive, hmmmm.... Then what can I say.

I have a guy friend your height. He is upset that many women same height as him won't date him. I told him to date shorter girls, he said he doesn't like short girls. "......"

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Sucks that women hate me for something I have zero control over

 

I think that before you contemplate surgery or suicide, you had best make sure that is why women hate you.

 

My brother is 5'4" and has never been without a girlfriend.

 

The statement "women hate short men" is not a fact at all. Some women do. Some women don't.

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I know the feeling.. I am 25, 168CM and women don't even look at me. All the girls want are guys who are tall, bronze, big abs ext. Ah well , thats the western world for you

 

Just focus on your career, making money. I have never kissed or had sex but am at a point where it doesn't matter anymore.

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I'm 5'5, and the man I'm with is exactly the same height as me. If I wear heels, I'm taller than him So what? He doesn't care in the slightest. And I can live without wearing heels anyway. Love isn't about looking like you've just come out of a magazine, or Barbie-land. Love is about two souls finding each other. I don't know what kind of people you hang around with, but they seem to be pretty superficial (no offense)...

 

I think you should seek professional advice about the suicidal thoughts, though. You sound like you have a lot going for you. It would be a shame to waste your youth because of some complex.

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  • 3 months later...

I am 5.4 and I dated a 5.4 guy. And let me tell you - his height wasn't a problem.

There are tons of women that don't wear heels, don't want a 6ft man and give the littlest sh*t about how tall you are. Seems to me you are trying to date all the wrong women.

Let me ask you this - do YOU want a taller girl? Will you date someone who is 5.4 or 5.3?

 

You wont be happy if you refuse to accept who you are.

 

And please don't spew any bs about confidence...I am actually confident in myself in ever area but this. That means you are not confident.

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Dont know why you goes want to off yourself. I work in the mechanical field and i am always grabbing BIG things like motors, pumps, large pipes, etc. and i am sure it makes me look really short when im lugging all this crap- but that doesnt stop the cute receptionists from staring and smiling at me- who are 3 to 4 inches taller than me. I have actually increased the amount of looks lately... and i actually believe i narrowed down why. I have lost weight, i am leaning out going for more of a fitness model look over big and brawny look, and its doing wonders to the shape of my face (narrower face) and it goes better with my height, i was too muscular for my height - too wide than you look small in length. I have also started wearing tighter shirts and pants, loose pants and shirts make you look smaller.

 

Plus, the worse womanizers i have ever met was 5'4'' and 5'5''. They had tall women wanting them too. Every woman wanted them, i dont know why really... i know one in particular was a twin, and his twin brother was nowhere near his level yet he had perfect teeth while the players teeth were all crooked. This guy just had some serious game, and to be honest, he looked ugly to me... so maybe his words were amazing.

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There is a morning deejay in the US on an IHeartRadio syndicated station. He frequently talks about his short stature. Its part of his game. He has a wife, kids, successful career. He makes it work for him, or he ignores it, or he has created work arounds.

 

I don't mean to dismiss the difficulty you feel within yourself, but if you want to see it, you will find plenty of successful examples around you.

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