Jump to content

Online Dating - A Woman's Journal


missmarple
 Share

Recommended Posts

Talked to a guy tonight..for about 5 minutes.

 

Psycho: what do you do?

mm: i'm a teacher

Psycho: i can see it in your pics

mm: you can see i'm a teacher? how?

Psycho: no but i can tell from your face that you don't like your job

mm

Psycho: you had to do this job, you didn't choose it yourself

mm: you're wrong

Psycho: it doesnt matter...let me tell you what sort of person i am

mm: bye

 

 

 

I would have written at the end "you already did. bye."

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 5.2k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Miss Marple, on a sort of different topic, I know you are into astrology. I wonder what will happen a few hundred years from now when people are going to be living in colonies on the moon and Mars - i think they would need different astrology signs/designations because the usual things won't apply to them. And what if they are born on the moon? What a mess that will be!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was thinking: I don`t know how you look like but men are terribly visual beings and as a fitness trainer I can tell there is a certain possibility that if you get into a shape you might make a huge chick out of you and improve your chances exponentially

 

I get so many messages I don't know what to do with them and I usually meet at least 2 new guys a week...so, although I appreciate your advice, I don't understand the reason behind it. I've never complained I don't get enough messages and I'm quite happy with the way I look (and so are men from what I know..lol)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Miss Marple, on a sort of different topic, I know you are into astrology. I wonder what will happen a few hundred years from now when people are going to be living in colonies on the moon and Mars - i think they would need different astrology signs/designations because the usual things won't apply to them. And what if they are born on the moon? What a mess that will be!

 

If I followed astrology, I would never agree to go out with Ray...lol. He's a Scorpio, same star sign as my ex husband and totally incompatible with an Aquarian like myself.

By the time we start living on the moon, I'll be long gone anyway!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh well,

 

I understand this is not my problem and you are probably not even interested in my opinion so I will not bother you any more. All I would like to mention is that after reading a couple of your journal entries it`s easy to see you seek special and nice treatment within men while you alone treat them like goods in a grocery: observing one after another, with every little flaw you put them back to the shelve and expect that sooner or later some of them wins your heart. I don`t see this as a fair attitude. I am not sure what gives you so much popularity on dating site compared to the others, probably your look but being a 40+ years old men I would seek also for other qualities. After reading a couple of other people dating journals I find them more interesting and pleasant than you, according to their personality. And men are not silly either, they see your photo but don`t see "the psycho, I don`t like nothing about him, he annoys me with his interest with my smoking habit" and so on. And one day when they find out your feelings I find hard to imagine a really quality men would be happy to be treated like that.

 

Well my apology for interfering into stuff that is really not my concern, I just wanted you to know that this is a feedback of a man that knows nothing about you, never saw you, never heard of you anywhere so therefore feels none prejudices and react only to what he sees in your journal. And my conclusion would be: would not contact.

 

Wish you all the best luck in future, hopefully you will find someone that you will be happy with.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ouch, peter!

 

I had no idea I come accross as boring and unpleasant. I've never been called boring or unpleasant in my life but, of course, you can only take my word for it! Anyway, it's true that you don't know me so, I can't really complain about that but I can complain about 'putting men back on the shelf with every little flaw'.

 

I never expect a guy to treat me any different to the way I treat him. Yes, I do get annoyed when my profile says I'm a smoker and a guy who is a non-smoker approaches me hoping to make me quit. I have a mother who tells me I should quit every single day, that's enough. Yes, I expect men to be honest, consistent and polite...because that's how I am. I'm not asking for anything less than I offer.

 

Yes, some men are annoying. Yes, I don't like anything about some men. If you know a woman who likes every single guy in the world, please show her to me. Or any human being, for that matter.

 

I do reject men. That's what online dating is for, you know. Rejecting people who aren't compatible to you and meeting people who are until you find someone who is your match. Men do the same to me.

 

Also, I don't understand what you mean by 'a quality man wouldn't be happy to be treated like that'. Like what? You're making it sound as if I torture men. That couldn't be further from the truth. I'm polite, honest and I know what I want. I don't play games, I don't expect men to treat me like a princess and I'm only looking for a guy I like and who I'm compatible with. ..and there have been many guys I went out with that I found them to be nice, polite and honest but there was just no chemistry. I'm not 80 to just date a guy because he's 'a nice guy'.

 

If you have something to add (as in a specific example) I'd be happy to read it. Meanwhile, since you find other journals more interesting and pleasant, continue reading those ones...no problem here

Link to comment
Share on other sites

nah, I see nothing to add. best wishes to you.

 

peter

 

edit: maybe one little thing: i see other`s approach as "I am enjoying meeting people and along that hoping to find someone special" while you seem to be just looking for that someone special. Maybe there is the root of mentioned issue...

Edited by peter
grammur
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I get so many messages I don't know what to do with them and I usually meet at least 2 new guys a week...so, although I appreciate your advice, I don't understand the reason behind it. I've never complained I don't get enough messages and I'm quite happy with the way I look (and so are men from what I know..lol)

 

I get emails from Evan Marc Katz, a dating coach. In some email a few months ago, he said that professional poker players fold 80% of the hands they are dealt. Which really sounds like a lot, doesn't it. He was actually recommending women do the same thing in dating, don't hold onto a bad hand, just fold. I have to find that email, it was a good one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I get emails from Evan Marc Katz, a dating coach. In some email a few months ago, he said that professional poker players fold 80% of the hands they are dealt. Which really sounds like a lot, doesn't it. He was actually recommending women do the same thing in dating, don't hold onto a bad hand, just fold. I have to find that email, it was a good one.

 

Oooh, that sounds like something I would LOVE to read! Please send. I'm interested in mathematical equations that can solve my relationship dilemmas. I'm NOT even being sarcastic haha.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Did you watch the TED talk with Amy Webb, about how she cracked online dating? That was a really good one!

 

I started to watch the clip, but it reminded me so much of work, LOL. Plus I am AT work...I will see the clip in its entirety shortly!

 

Skimming the book, it looks like her approach is to two-pronged approach of figuring out what you want in a mate and honestly evaluate your potential candidates. Amy came up with 72 desirable traits in a mate and weighted each trait by how much it mattered to her. Later this balanced scorecard approach is what allowed her to sort through any potential matches and honestly evaluate if they would be a good fit for her in the long-run.

 

Tolstoy said "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself". Her premise is that "dating" troubles were caused by rushing into "it" without knowing even knowing what "it" was.

 

I've made too many damn lists already. I think I've narrowed down the dateable population to: my cat.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Did you watch the TED talk with Amy Webb, about how she cracked online dating? That was a really good one!

 

Thanks for referring Amy Webb! I'm an IT professional and can totally relate to how she worked with the data analytics. I think her methodology is quite sound. It makes perfect sense to me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

maybe one little thing: i see other`s approach as "I am enjoying meeting people and along that hoping to find someone special" while you seem to be just looking for that someone special. Maybe there is the root of mentioned issue...

 

 

I do enjoy meeting people...I've even made friends through online dating...but I am on that site looking for someone to have a relationship with. If I meet everyone who talks to me (regardless of whether or not I feel there's potential for something romantic), I won't have any free time left. Right now, I am 'booked' for today (with friends), tomorrow and Sunday (with guys from that site)...and, you know, even God had to rest at some point..LOL

 

Frankly, I don't think there's an 'issue'. Online dating is like lottery. Someone could go on 50 dates and not meet anyone special and someone could go on 5 dates and fall in love.

 

Anyway, on the men's front:

 

Ray sent me his usual good morning gorgeous text.

Jason called me (twice) and we had a nice chat. He recently moved to a new flat and he was telling me all about it. We agreed that I'll call him tomorrow at noon for the last details about our outing tomorrow night. I have a good feeling about him...he seems to be a realist but just 'crazy' enough so as not to be boring.

Last time I heard from Alex was a good morning text yesterday. Maybe he met a pretty non smoker..lol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I get emails from Evan Marc Katz, a dating coach. In some email a few months ago, he said that professional poker players fold 80% of the hands they are dealt. Which really sounds like a lot, doesn't it. He was actually recommending women do the same thing in dating, don't hold onto a bad hand, just fold. I have to find that email, it was a good one.

 

I'm clueless about poker. I can't get that analogy. What does it mean to fold a bad hand? lol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

link removed

 

well, in poker, you are dealt 5 cards, and try to win with the best hand (those 5 cards). there are different styles of playing, but basically you get dealt a hand, you look at it, and you can either keep all your cards, exchange some once, or fold (step out of the game for that round). The best hands are like a A, K, Q, J, 10 of the same suite, followed by 4 of a kind, or 3 of a kind, or a flush (numbers in a row, like, 3,4,5,6,7) or all of the same suite, or even 2 pairs.

 

I haven't played much poker, so I'm sure someone else can explain better than me.

 

If you get a hand that's like 2,6,4,9,K, and they're all from different suites, that's just a crappy hand, and a player might fold (instead of exchanging 4 cards and hoping for a better deal the second time!)

 

His point was that professional players fold 80% of the time, ie, they don't hold onto their cards unless there is some good potential to win. in the dating world, that means you don't have to give EVERYONE a first date.

 

of course, i think sometimes you might be too picky and cut them out too fast, but whatever.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I get it now.

I don't know if I'm too picky or not picky enough. My friends think I'm not picky enough. People on here often tell me I'm too picky. I think I'm somewhere in the middle.

I've gone out with guys on the same day I met them...that definitely can't be considered picky..lol

I don't cut too many guys out, despite what it may look like (maybe because there have been many pages on that subject on a few different occasions). I mean, if you think about it, from the 10 guys who show interest in going out with me, I go out with, at least, 8. As long as someone is consistent (stays in touch and actually asks 'do you want to meet that day?'), I always give them a chance. I cut out the ones who either disappear before we even meet or are very difficult to pin down for a date or do or say something that totally disagrees with me. Most guys don't and that's why I do go on many dates (in my opinion, at least). They show interest, they call, they text, they ask for a date..and that's how I think it should be.

Even during this journal, if you go back and examine the situations where my instinct told me not to pursue anything and I was convinced to give them a chance..it turned out my instinct had been right...that something just wasn't right (Harry, Greg, Tony, Keith).

Edited by missmarple
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've gone out with guys on the same day I met them.

 

I mean, if you think about it, from the 10 guys who show interest in going out with me, I go out with, at least, 8

 

I personally think this sabotages your chances. I would never do that. And I don't even get the amount of messages you do.

 

I think if you plan a date in advance it creates a different vibe. It says you ae a woman that can wait and wants to wait. Things are on a more normal pace, you have time to anticipate it, none of you are jumping in with last minute arrangements that may look too casual.

 

Do you feel you are quite self aware and in touch with yourself and emotional needs?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

quirky, I've tried that approach, too.

I mean talking to someone for a while before we meet. It changed nothing. The only thing that changed was that I had wasted weeks from my time talking to a guy to see that there was no chemistry when we met in person.

You see, if you want to wait, you can't tell the guy 'hey, I want to wait but, meanwhile, don't talk to me because I want to explore other options, too'. So, you end up talking online or on the phone or both, build expectations and then feel very awkward when you meet and it turns out that you're not interested...and it makes it much harder to tell them you're not interested.

Also, there's the issue of age. I'm not sure how old you are but if I was, for example, 35 (and I didn't plan on starting a family), I wouldn't mind spending a month or more on one guy, then the same amount on someone else, etc etc. But when you're 45 (I'll be 46 next week, actually), you don't want to waste time on someone you may end up not being compatible with..you want to meet, see if there's something there and, if not, move on to the next one.

 

As to your question about self awarenesss, emotional needs, etc, well, I know what I want and I'll recognise it when I see it...if that's what you mean.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

FWIW, I completely agree with - and use - MissM's approach.

 

I don't want to waste time emailing/texting/phoning someone I haven't even met in person yet, when face-to-face chemistry is going to be such a HUGE factor. We're not looking for penpals, after all.

 

And I think it's pretty easy to figure out how you feel about someone after a first date, at least in terms general enough to know if you want to see them a 2nd time or not. Self-awareness is actually what makes that kind of decision simpler, not more reckless.

 

But like MissM, I've tried the approach Quirky has suggested as well. I also found that it makes absolutely no difference. Except perhaps resulting in slightly worse outcomes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I used to go on a number of first dates, and second dates. Now I have found I cut most out based on profile alone. I went through a period of being open to different ideas of who I want to be with. It turns out my old assumptions about who I want are right. So now, I'm too picky perhaps, and glad for it. It's a lot simpler.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've no idea who I want until I meet him. I mean, sure, there are some things I'm looking for but 99% of the guys I go out with, are like that..or sound like that online/on phone. Talkative, sense of humour, clever, a steady job, close to my age, nice pics, consistent. But chemistry is hard to find. From the 3 guys I felt some chemistry with in these last 3-4 months of online dating, 2 of them weren't interested in me and the other one was 59

 

Anyway, Jason just called. We're meeting at 8.30 tonight. Wish me luck, I think I'm going to like this one

Link to comment
Share on other sites

FWIW, I completely agree with - and use - MissM's approach.

 

I don't want to waste time emailing/texting/phoning someone I haven't even met in person yet, when face-to-face chemistry is going to be such a HUGE factor. We're not looking for penpals, after all.

 

And I think it's pretty easy to figure out how you feel about someone after a first date, at least in terms general enough to know if you want to see them a 2nd time or not. Self-awareness is actually what makes that kind of decision simpler, not more reckless.

 

But like MissM, I've tried the approach Quirky has suggested as well. I also found that it makes absolutely no difference. Except perhaps resulting in slightly worse outcomes.

 

Could not agree more with ND and MissMarple -and for me looks were a very minor reason as to why the in-person meeting was so crucial. Some examples -the guy who showed up dressed like he was homeless and seemed out of it (he told me he was a lawyer and sounded intelligent and articulate on the phone), the guy who would not let me have even my half of the tiny cafe table -he kept leaning over to my side of the table and staring- I think I pushed my chair back, the guy who insisted on asking the waiter in Spanish for utensils (the waiter was not hispanic -even if he was, please), the guy who leaned all the way back in his chair, didn't make eye contact and looked depressed throughout the date (we had a number of good conversations on the phone). Etc. You can't observe these behaviors over the phone and I would say not even on Skype (although I've never done it) -you have to be in the same place as the person whether you're walking, sitting, hiking, whatever and see how he interacts with you, others and his environment too.

Edited by Batya33
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 Share


×
×
  • Create New...