Online Dating - A Woman's Journal

[annie24]

i wonder if he's going to ask you in a few days why you're still on the site....?

[missmarple]

He (Don) sent me a text message (a couple hours ago but my cell was turned off..I was afraid Keith might text). It says:

 

what did you think of our meeting? would you like to meet again?

 

 

I replied:

 

sorry for getting back to you so late but my cell was off...about your question, well, i don't think anything romantic can come out of this but if you want to go out again as friends, sure, why not?

[IAmFCA]

I recall that you and I share a pattern or have shared a pattern of overthinking the other guy. Do I remember that right? Anyway, just saying, I get it re Keith. You might never get to have the pleasure of feeling there is a nice way about it, if you use his reaction as your barometer of nice. He may not be graceful enough to be a good sport about it. Just be as graceful as possible, perhaps by text given the brevity of your connection:

 

Keith, while it was a pleasure making your introduction, I am choosing a different direction and I don't think a friendship will be possible. I will not be contacting you further and wish you well.

 

How does that sound? I can't tell, having written it.

 

Re Don: Don, I am conflicted. I am interested in you but also am put off by the age difference. Not sure if I can get past it, but I am willing to try if you are willing to risk it. Baby steps?

 

What do your instincts tell you?

[IAmFCA]

Oh brother, by the time I posted my message, the thread flew by! So much has happened!

 

Delete Keith. If will be good for you to let go too, even though I know you are not hanging on to him. Just an exercise.

 

I'm a fan of Don despite the lying. But that is only if he really doesn't seem his age by any measure. and if his other qualities were commpelling as a fit for you. We make assumptions about age that aren't always true.

[missmarple]

I'm a fan of Don despite the lying. But that is only if he really doesn't seem his age by any measure. and if his other qualities were commpelling as a fit for you. We make assumptions about age that aren't always true.

 

I know and it's still bothering me, even though I sent that text 8 hours ago. The only thing that makes me feel better is that it's his fault that I feel like this. He shouldn't have lied. The fact that he lied is directly opposite to the impressions I formed about him from our date.

He seems to be so confident..and yet, he lied about his age. We actually talked about it and his reasoning was that because he doesn't look his age, he didn't want younger women to 'overlook' him.

Of course, what he didn't consider was that it's not just about looks. It's actually not about looks at all..for me, at least..and I'm sure for many other women, too. If you have a problem with something, you have a problem. Period.

Also, something I hadn't mentioned yesterday is that his online profile says 53. I hadn't paid attention to it (our whole online interaction was during the time Keith texted/typed online to me and I had just taken a fast look at Don's profile, liked the pics and what it said and somehow I thought 53 was 50 - maybe I need glasses!-) and he told me on the phone, later, that he's actually 55..which was also a lie!

 

PS He's a Pisces and they are insecure, in general...even though he doesn't look insecure at all.

[missmarple]

Greg emailed me (again)

 

well, we are opposite signs after all, it makes sense that we can't agree on anything...have a nice day

 

I replied

 

that's true and it's not the first time I can't see eye to eye with a Leo..have a nice day, too

 

He's big on astrology and so am I. He's a Leo, I'm an Aquarius. Typically, I've never managed to get along with Leos..their egos are bigger than...anyway

[missmarple]

Greg sent me one more email and a friend request

 

let's talk and i'm sure we can work things out

 

I don't know if it's stupid but I accepted the request.

[missmarple]

Guess what...I have a date with Greg tonight

 

Ok, this is what happened:

 

After I accepted his friend request, he messaged me and asked me to talk on the phone. He asked for my home number, I said no, so, he gave me his store number and I called him.

We talked for an hour. First of all, about what happened with the IM's etc. He gave me some explanation (basically he said my messages weren't coming up on his screen or his weren't coming up on mine) that I'm not sure I believe but, since I can't prove different, I accepted it. Then we spent a big amount of time talking about star signs and he asked for details and said he will print my birth chart and bring it to me tonight.

I said 'tonight?'. He said 'yes, I'm thinking it's time to meet if you're free'. I said 'I'm speechless..the way you were going, I thought we'd meet in 2017..if ever'. He told me he has a tendency to overthink things but when he makes a decision, that's it.

 

Sooooo...he's coming over to my area and we're meeting for coffee.

 

I'm still shocked at the turn of events but otherwise happy I'll get to meet him in person at least.

 

PS Keith sent me a friend request. I declined.

[Batya33]

Have fun! It sounds like you're focusing a bit too much on typed messages and on line statuses to evaluate interest level. Maybe next time you're not sure suggest a phone call so you can avoid this type of situation?

[missmarple]

I would have but we hadn't talked in so long I really thought he wasn't interested. But from now on, yes, I'll do that.

[missmarple]

Don took me off his friends list and he never replied to my text message. I'm a bit disappointed, to be honest. I expected at least a message saying good luck or something. Oh, well..maybe it's for the best.

[annie24]

nothing really to reply to i guess.

 

good luck with greg!! hope it's a good date!

[missmarple]

I just thought he was cooler than that...but guess not. Personally, if a guy sends me a message after a date saying 'I didn't feel it' or whatever, I'd reply 'ok, no problem, good luck'...I don't know..I consider it the polite thing to do.

[IAmFCA]

I think Don is just like, okay well, that's that. I've been learning from my guy friends how practical their approach is to this process. It's like okay, that door is closed, no further energy invested. "Next!" Polite doesn't enter the conversation. That's why when we are just being polite, they think we are leaving the door a bit open.

[Batya33]

Don took me off his friends list and he never replied to my text message. I'm a bit disappointed, to be honest. I expected at least a message saying good luck or something. Oh, well..maybe it's for the best.

 

I think that's fine after just one meet -if he did get your text message (again I wouldn't ever assume he did) - it would have been nice to reply but since he is on the site to meet potential romantic partners I can understand why he didn't feel the need to reply- you basically closed the door on anything relevant and as I suspected he believes he has enough friends.

[annie24]

Yeah I never bothered replying after the kiss off.

[browneyedgirl36]

I'm actually glad to hear you're giving Greg another chance. I think there may have been a huge misunderstanding there, and I really thought, from what I read, that it was worth giving it one more chance. I hope it goes well.

 

Regarding Don -- I'm not surprised he didn't respond; it seemed like he really liked you after the first meet, and he was probably disappointed. Since he's on the site to meet a romantic partner, he probably felt there was no need to respond to a request to be "friends." I can't imagine too many men agreeing to that if they're looking for a romantic partner. I imagine he was disappointed and thought there was no need to reply.

 

As for Keith...Good thing you declined his friend request. He may not be in a good emotional place to be dating. In fact, I'd be willing to bet on it, and agreeing to be "friends" with him is a recipe for disaster. Better to cut it off now.

[missmarple]

First of all, Keith called me the moment I got back from the date. He asked why I had deleted him. I had to think fast (I didn't expect him to call) and I came up with 'the guy I like was in my house and I had the net open and he saw the site and got jealous so I deleted all my contacts'. Stupid, I know...but it worked. He said oh, I understand...ok, don't add me again if it's going to be a problem. Then he asked how I'm doing, I said fine, he said he's ok, too, and we said goodnight.

 

Second, Jim (the one who was away for the weekend) texted me during the date with Greg 'I'll be on the site in half an hour'. I didn't bother replying. However, I did find him on the site just now and we're currently talking about when and where to meet.

 

Details about the date with Greg are in the next post.

[missmarple]

So, Greg....first of all looked quite different to his pics...both in a better and in a worse way. I'll explain.

Better: In his pics he looked dark and a bit like a 'bad boy'...which is a style I don't really like. In person he was different..brown hair, green eyes, glasses...more like the type of a goofy professor, which is a style I do like.

Worse: When he got out of the car I realised he was leaning on a crutch. Surprised, I asked him when did this happen (I thought it was recent), he said it was from an accident he had 5 years ago and it left him with a permanent disability (which he had said nothing about before). But the crutch didn't bother me that much, I mean he was walking fine, he just had a small limp (although I believe he should have told me..but anyway). What I didn't like at all was his belly. Not because it was big but because it looked VERY disproportionate to his body..,he's tall and slim and the belly really stood out..to the point that I thought he had put something inside his shirt!

 

Anyway, we went to a cafe and sat and talked for about 3 hours. He gave me my birth chart, we (naturally) talked a lot about astrology but not only...we talked about many things. He's talkative, like he was on the phone, with a very good sense of humour. I asked him about his ex, he said he still doesn't know what happened but their only contact is a phonecall every week or so to ask how the other person is doing. He communicates very well but he came accross as a bit shy and that threw me off as I hadn't anticipated it from him at all.

 

In general, I had a good time but I couldn't understand if there was any chemistry between us. He was friendly and looked comfortable with me, he said he likes the fact that I'm always laughing, he said he thought I'd be 'sour' or something (LOL) and he was pleasantly surprised. I also told him that I expected him different. In the end, I said it's time to go (if I hadn't, we would still be talking, we both talk A LOT), he drove me home and we said we'll talk again and I think we will. But whether something romantic will develop between us, I have no idea...but if I had to guess, I would say we're more suited as friends.

[Batya33]

I can see why he didn't tell you about his crutches - it doesn't sound like a major disability and he probably has had bad experiences describing it before meeting. I'd do the same as with the other guy - if you just want to be friends then leave the ball in his court to stay in touch and expect no response.

[missmarple]

I'd do the same as with the other guy - if you just want to be friends then leave the ball in his court to stay in touch and expect no response.

 

Well, it's not the same. With Don, there was a huge dealbreaker right from the start. With Greg, it's not like there's something that bothers me that much as Don's age...even the belly is something I could get used to if I had feelings for someone. I just don't know what could potentially happen. I think I'd like to see him once more but I'll leave the ball in his court, anyway...since I don't know for sure what I want.

[Batya33]

For what it's worth I totally agree with seeing Greg again to see if chemistry/attraction develops. My guess is the belly is because he uses the crutches, doesn't walk a lot and doesn't work out his upper body.

[missmarple]

Yes, that could be why. Oh, and it's one crutch..it's his right leg that has the limp. But, boy, can he walk fast! I told him please go slower, I'm wearing heels..lol

[IAmFCA]

OK the story re lying to Keith made me laugh! That's something someone would do in college, this last minute tale. Hysterical.

 

Greg.... Yes, go out again. You might find over time that you are more available to him because you expect to be less so, which can be a gift. I agree the crutch is not a front-end detail that needs to be revealed, unless it impacts his ability to be in a relationship with you in some way. Which it doesn't seem like it does.

 

I would prefer healthy and athletic and older to younger and not so much. But then again, that's just me -- and as you may rightly point out -- I have accepted lies from others in th epast to terrible effect and am accepting one now from the Gentleman.

 

So, carry on, ENA friend! Well done!

[missmarple]

I would prefer healthy and athletic and older to younger and not so much.But then again, that's just me -- and as you may rightly point out -- I have accepted lies from others in th epast

 

Do you mean Don? It wasn't because he lied. It was because of his age. If he had told me on the phone he's 59, I wouldn't have gone out with him at all.