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Should you follow your heart or your head?


scrummers

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I'm in quite the pickle here and I'm not entirely sure what to do, long story short my ex broke up with me 2 months ago and in that time I've grown a lot at the time we were dating I wasn't emotionally stable but I've gotten help for it and have become a lot better with myself. Thing is I've started seeing another girl even though I'm not completely over my Ex. I know it's not entirely fair but I do like this girl and things are good. But a few night ago we all hung out my new girlfriend and ex and all my friends and towards the end my Ex looked right at me and I just felt my heart skip a beat and all the feelings came back. I didn't say anything at the time but I asked my ex about it yesterday cause we are still on speaking terms and friends. I always thought she was over me since she broke up with me, but it turns out that she's not over me and has been a mess since she broke up with me even though every time I've seen her shes seems fine, I get the same way when i see her I get weak in the knees and that feeling in the heart.

 

Here's the thing my mind is telling me I can't be with her but my hear is saying something completely different my heart wants her back and I've told her that and she is the same way her heart wants me but her mind says no. I just don't know if I should follow my heart or follow my heard. Should I wait and see if my feelings for this new girl get stronger? I've never been in a situation like this before in my life so this is all very new too me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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I believe you should end things with the new girl. You are not 100% available to her and you're being unfair to her until you are.

 

Your feelings for your ex are not resolved one way or the other. You need to decide what you're going to do and that means making that voyage by yourself without the new girl in tow.

 

She deserves a guy who is 100% present with her, not one who is pining and chasing in behind his ex.

 

Be fair. You'd want the same thing if the tables were turned.

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Why did she break up with you in the first place? She is an 'ex' for a reason.

 

Since you have these feelings for your ex still, it is not in anyone's best interest for you to start another relationship. How would you feel if you found out that your GF was still in love with her ex and she was not yet sure about you?

 

Your new GF deserves better and you deserve better. Without your mind and heart in the same place, there will forever be conflicts. I've been going through that for 44 years. I'm still very much in love with my first love and I cannot get her out of my heart. I've distracted my mind, but, it's no good. There is just something that I haven't discovered yet that will allow me to get my heart and mind in sync and it's horrible.

 

In my opinion, it's best to be alone until you get this straightened out.

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Why on earth are you still hanging out with your ex, much less WITH your new girl? How do you expect to heal when she is right there? I think you should stop seeing your ex socially. Don't go to those hang outs. And I suggest you be honest with the new girl that you are not completely over the ex.

 

Right now you and your ex still have feelings but it doesn't mean you should get back together if there were problems in the relationship. You need time and space from her to see if you really should pursue her or if there was attraction but the relationship just wasn't right for either of you.

 

please move on. If you don't, you can't be with the ex again, and also cannot be with anyone else.

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I just hope everyone here who's starting to justify how it's okay to "just date casually" even though they're still in love with their ex..... reads your post and understands how cruel it is to use other people to get over an ex.

 

Now your rebound girl gets used and tossed aside like garbage.... really, it's SO not okay to do this to people!!

 

You can say "she deserves better"..... don't fool yourself that dumping her now is in any way *noble*. The whole thing sucks.

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I just hope everyone here who's starting to justify how it's okay to "just date casually" even though they're still in love with their ex..... reads your post and understands how cruel it is to use other people to get over an ex.

 

Now your rebound girl gets used and tossed aside like garbage.... really, it's SO not okay to do this to people!!

 

You can say "she deserves better"..... don't fool yourself that dumping her now is in any way *noble*. The whole thing sucks.

 

100% agree. This riles me so much. How many threads do we see on here where the OP is brokenhearted because their now ex has gone back to THEIR ex.

 

When I see threads like this it reiterates why I would not get involved with someone who was in regular contact with their ex. No sirreeeee!

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Use your head and your heart.

 

If you know you're meant to be together what's a few months, even a year, to work on yourself and reunite stronger than ever before?

 

Why the rush? Appreciate it for what it is. Perhaps an opportunity to learn and not have this situation pop up in the future, when you're married with kids or have more entanglements in each other than you did previously.

 

Obviously if it doesn't work it wasn't meant to be. Not much needs to be said in that regard and I'm sure you'll be okay with that too, eventually.

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you may like the new girl but your being unfair to her feelings by staying with her when you still have such strong feelings for your ex.

 

Ive been in a situation where i listened to my heart and all it did was cause more hurt for myself. Now that my head is functioning i'm slowly clawing myself out of the hole i dug myself.

 

Id recommend that you cut things off with the new girl, be honest with her. It may hurt her but deep down she will be grateful that you didn't string her along.

 

Your ex may care for you but if she is not certain i wouldnt bank on anything. You could try having a sit down with her about it. If she is "unsure" try and move on and don't get into a relationship until you' re over your ex. It's unfair to yourself to hold out for your ex when she isnt making any commitments, and it is unfair to the other girl in the relationship if you still have such strong feelings for someone else.

 

best of luck!

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