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A question for men - someone fancying your wife?


monkeysblood

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This is bit of a random question, but I want to know how the husband would feel in this situation:

 

There are some older (in their 40s) women that I happen to be attracted to, and they know this. They are married, and I know things won't go any further because of it.

 

They are flattered by the attention, though.

 

As a husabnd of one of these ladies, how does this situation make you feel?

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Attraction is one thing....hitting on, giving excessive attention to and pursuing are completely different things.

Most people wouldn't be surprised to learn someone else was attracted to their spouse...afterall, they are attractive and have lots of great qualities or you wouldn't be married to them....but to have someone flirt excessively with, pursue or hit on would be in very poor taste.

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Well, my ex was secretly married behind my back, and when i told her i found out, she threatened me by saying he "has a gun". I told her a lot of people have guns, and she responded with "dont hurt him... he didnt do anything!!!"- that was a reaction from a woman who has probably been in the middle of some serious fights over her. I have seen/heard many people die over women growing up in brooklyn, my mom told me to never fight over a woman- i take that advice with me, no matter how hot she is i dont bother squaring off with her bf or husband.

 

All they need to do is see you hitting on her - and they will think something is going on behind their back. I had uncles searching guys out on false information, an uncle killed over some OTHER guys flirting, i even had an uncle flee nyc over a guy looking for him. Maybe thats just old 70s and 80s nyc, but id be careful.

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If a guy found my wife attractive, then I would take it as a compliment. If a guy pursued my wife, I would expect her to tell him off or and for him to leave. Anything beyond that where they become flirting is a clear breach of respect and I will inform her of it. Then I would probably meet up with the guy who is disrespecting my wife.

 

Of course I probably wouldn't marry someone who would flirt back or anything like that in the first place.

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  • 1 month later...

I think what Xin said is exactly what I was getting at.

 

If a guy found my wife attractive, then I would take it as a compliment.

 

I have to say, so would I. In fact having someone desired by other men is a wish of mine.

 

If a guy pursued my wife, I would expect her to tell him off or and for him to leave.

 

I think if she smiled, thanked me for the compliment, but said she was married, but this was the end of it, then this would be OK. Do you agree? I paid a few compliments to someone (I didn't know at the time) who is married, and she said she was flattered, but obviously couldn't go any further, and we both respected that.

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A further related question for people to answer: a married female colleague of mine is always complaining about her body, particularly the size of her breasts (complains they're too small). For the men, (and some women), what would be the best thing to say to her/how to handle this?

 

she shouldn't be saying this stuff to you ..a married colleague telling you she is not happy with her breast size !!! odd ....fishing for compliments by the sound of it ...

 

tell her she is asking the wrong person .

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  • 1 year later...
I've had a further thought about this, so, for the men: if someone said to your wife "I know you're married, so this won't go any further, but I think you're beautiful." Would this be acceptable? If so, what would you think when being told of it too?

 

As it happens, my bf and I were talking about this just yesterday. He couldn't care less. He said, for example: "I expect men to look at your [sit-upon]."

 

He tells funny stories of women being a untoward - a married woman who preceded him up a ladder while not wearing any underpinnings, looking back at him erstwhile... a woman who got down on her knees at a bar until he stopped her... it goes both ways. Life is bigger than worrying about this stuff.

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I've had a further thought about this, so, for the men: if someone said to your wife "I know you're married, so this won't go any further, but I think you're beautiful." Would this be acceptable? If so, what would you think when being told of it too?

I showed my husband this thread and with your above comment, he said it looks like you're pushing your luck a little too far. A little flirting, no problem, but the fact that you keep coming back with the same questions looks like you're pushing the boundaries. One day, it will backfire on you and one of the husbands is not going to like it very much anymore.

 

Go focus on the single ladies.

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The problem with "I know you're married, so this won't go any further" is the implied opposite. If I weren't married, what, exactly? Because you compliment me, somehow "this" will go further? It's the lead up that makes it oogie.

 

If you think I'm pretty, I think you can say so? IF I were running around with a SINGLE sign, and you said youbthought I were pretty, I wouldn't have any idea that you were hitting on me. All you did was give me a compliment. I don't see how the two are related. Nor do I see how the lack of a spouse etc is a deciding factor. I am in charge of what goes further, and you've not requested my permission for so much as a conversation. What makes you think it would go further if I weren't married? Is that not presumptuous? It is to me.

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OK, forget the first question. If it was just the most recent question, what would you/he think?

Lol, his comment is this: "What's this guy's obsession with all these married women? He started this thread 18 months ago and is still at it. What gives? Tell him to stop messing where he doesn't belong", lol.

 

As for the general question, his reply was "It depends who the guy is. Some guys you can tell, they are harmless. Others you can immediately tell they are bad news".

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I've had a further thought about this, so, for the men: if someone said to your wife "I know you're married, so this won't go any further, but I think you're beautiful." Would this be acceptable? If so, what would you think when being told of it too?

 

I don't see why your compliment has to focus on the woman's looks. If you find a woman attractive on the inside then why not compliment her in that way "you have a great sense of humor" or "that was a very interesting comment you made about ___". Once you precede it with the marital status compliment the impression is that you're hitting on that particular woman.

 

If I told my husband someone said that to me he would be annoyed especially if I had to see that person again in a business or social context.

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It is a little intense to spend all this time and 18 months down the line ....asking what is appropriate for someone elses wife .

 

I would follow one rule ..if a person is married they are married ..dont waste your time or your energy trying to find a way to let them know they are attractive , nice etc etc etc ...why bother .. neevr ever try and wedge yourself between a couple who have committed themselves to each other ...

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my question is what you are trying to achieve? Do you want your coworker to know that you are attracted to her so she would be able to hit on you and make this easier on you for making a decision to have an affair?

 

if you are attracted to her, she already knows. thinking about her husband does not make any sense. all husbands are different. mine is happy when men flirt with me. he would be fine even if I sleep with some of them as long as I would have a good time. he would be upset if I had a bad time or did not enjoy myself. how on earth would you know she does not have husband like that too?

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