Friend is not being totally supportive

[diverp]

I have dated my girlfriend since July. Going on 6 months now. We are very close, have gotten over the honeymoon period and have a fanstastic relationship. We do almost everything together, except when we have a guys/girls night or something like that.

 

So, we talked about her moving in with me. We are aiming for mid to late January. Right now, we are just planning, taking care of Christmas and the like.

 

I have two dogs. One I have had for a couple of years and another I rescued from the pound a few months ago. Actually I rescued both from there. Bad side is that the newer dog is a female who is larger than the first and larger than my girlfriend's dog. This dog has shown a bit of a mean streak towards my other dog from time to time and I am a little weary of how she is going to get along full time with my girlfriend's dog. So, I am trying to find a good home for her, that is not the pound and in a home where she is an only dog.

 

So, I told a guy friend of mine about our moving in together and the dog situation. He starts preaching to me about "well you gotta do what you gotta to...I wouldn't just ditch a dog like that". He was also unsupportive of my girlfriend moving in with me. He never said anything bad, but he had this condescending tone when we talked about it.

 

I love my girlfriend and we think it is time to take the next step. I was wondering how other people have handled this kind of thing. I have introduced the girlfriend to my dad and my friends. My dad thinks she is great and my girlfriend gets along with everyone I know.

 

I am thinking that this friend of mine (who is about 9 years younger and has commitment issues with his girlfriend) is not really being cool at all in not supporting me with this. Or, am I just taking his word too highly. What matters to me is the relationship with my girlfriend. She is my number one focus right now.

[RayKay]

Some friends get weird about stuff like this. My ex had a friend who used to discourage him from being with me and all that....I think those messages must have eventually taken root!

 

Anyway, you said he is 9 years younger so he is in a very different place maturity wise then you are and it might be very hard to explain it to him. He might thing you are moving in too soon (since he has his own issues) or might just not understand your love for her, who knows. I would not even worry about it, ignore him. If he starts hassling you, tell him straight up that you love your girlfriend, you are very interested in the relationship you have with her and hope that he can support you in your happiness.

 

It sounds like you love your gf, she fits in well with your life, and you are both at this time thinking along the same lines...so go for it. He is not the one that is going to have a toothbrush next to yours, right?

[diverp]

I agree. I think what has bugged me the most. When he was dating his girlfriend, they actually lived together for a few months without him telling his parents or anything. I would have been totally upset if I was his girlfriend and she did this. He had serious issues at first when he handled stuff this way and then his parents were not totally supportive of it all. I was the one there who was being supportive to him and all. Now, things are much better for them, but he still is very non-commital.

 

So, what bugs me the most is that after having done that for him, he is unwilling to do the same for me right now. I love my girlfriend and that is priority one. Like you said, she is the one who will have the toothbrush next to mine. And it hasn't been much of an issue to me to be honest (hasn't made me think twice about my relationship with my girlfriend). But it has made me think twice about this friend of mine.

 

Like you said, he is in his early 20's. He hasn't gone through the maturing things that happen in your 20's as far as relationships go. I need to keep that in mind and cut him a little slack I guess. I hate to be condecending to people in that way though. But, the fact is that he is being immature towards me.