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Pansexual meets heterosexual twin flame...what next?


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So before I start, I'll define pansexuality for those who don't know. While it means different things to different people, pansexuality mostly describes attraction that isn't influenced by gender/sex and is all inclusive as opposed to it's very similar counterpart, bisexuality. For many others, myself included, pansexuality is about making deeper spiritual/romantic/emotional connections with gender being irrelevant all together. That being said, on to the story...

 

I'm a very spiritual person and I very much believe in soulmates. I've had relationships with few soulmates (mostly karmic) but I've never encountered by twin flame, at least until recently. He was a social media personality and I came accross a few of his posts and I instantly felt drawn to him and there was something very...very familiar about him. For months, I [silently] kept up with his posts until recently he made a particular post that I felt compelled to privately respond to and we started talking from there. We phoned one night and it was very intense but comfortable, familiar, and very open at the same time. After the convo was over, my mind was frantic and my thoughts raced, I didn't know how to process what just happened! The next morning, I felt different, like I had never felt before. I was happy and positive and peaceful. I was in a place of darkness and suddenly I was bathed in light. I also felt relieved. My soul has been yearning completion or companionship and I've experienced countless heartbreaks from disappointment, but now there is no ache. There's joy...there's clarity. I started doing more reading into soulmates and twin flames, and I honest believe with every fiber in my being, I've found my other half...well my other whole. All the signs are there, we even have the same name! Well okay it wasn't the name I was born with, but I grew up in an adopted single-parent household and I refused to be named after someone who didn't raise me, so I chose a name I was always compelled too, one I felt suited me and needless that's his [birth] name too. We've had mirror life experiences and even the ones that are different it still seems to balance out. We even think the same things at the same times, he'll post something that I was thinking about or vice-versa or I remember I was listening to a song that made me automatically think of him and the name of the album was a phrase that's very close to him and something he mentions quite often and there was another song that reminded me of him and it was called 4am. Well I was listening to it at 10pm but in his timezone it was 4am. There's been other little things and it seems very small but I've never been a man to believe in coincidences. We're in different time zones (temporarily) but after a night's sleep I realized how that's actually a great thing. Everything is great, except for the fact that his orientation is heterosexual and I think he's felt the affects of our meeting, but like I dismissed the way I felt about him the first time I ever laid eyes on him, I'm sure he dismisses it as well. We're both at points in our lives where we're looking for something, someone in particular, I see him, I'm not sure he'd let himself see me. I've been in a situation like this before with another soulmate (karmic) and I know what not to do about it and honestly I don't know if there is anything I can or should do. I've always believed love is love and triumphs over all, maybe I'll let it just run it's course.

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How can he be you actual true soul-mate if he is heterosexual? Above all things being so perfect, that's the most important one in my opinion, and it doesn't match. You can have a "deeper spiritual/emotional connections" with him still, if its pansexuality and you are a part of it, but what you say in the end of your post is very true, and love does conquer all, but it cant change your sexual orientation in most cases. I can only wish you luck and would advice you to just let it be.

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I find myself confused here.. I cannot tell by your name or your pose if you are a male identified or female identified person.

 

If you are female, then with pansexuality as you define it is inclusive to all. That would include having attraction and forming relationships with a male. His sexual orientation is irrelevant, since heterosexual men are attracted to women.

 

However, if you are male or a genderqueer who was male-assigned-at-birth, then his sexual orientation matters very much. Unless he later realizes a latent attraction to men, a romantic relationship is off the table.

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Wow, you are a very passionate person.

 

Unfortunately, as others have said - mismatched sexual orientation when looking for a mate is not a small problem. While you may be compatible with just about anyone (providing you have the connection you are looking for), he is not. He very specifically is looking for female energy and parts.

 

I'd also caution that you don't really know this guy. It sounds like you've read a bunch of his posts and have had one conversation with him. While you may feel a deeper connection, he likely doesn't know the same amount of detail that you do and as a result, may perceive things differently. You are 'reading' the energy he is putting 'out there' - but that energy may not be his actual energy - but the energy he would like to portray. The internet is a funny place.

 

I know it's hard to back away when you feel that level of energy, but I would still advise that you walk away. This sounds like a whole lot of heartbreak about to happen to be honest. I think your energies would be better spent looking for someone who is both compatible AND available to you. This guy - since he is hetero - is not.

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I appreciate all your responses! So first, I'd like to say thank you!

 

I am a male

 

Before I became pansexual, I was a straight identified male. I'll admit a curiosity and I experimented, but for the most part I was attracted solely to women. My becoming pansexual was an after an experience I had with another male. It was an emotionally intense and charged relationship. We loved eachother, we were in love. We both had our preferences, we both had our orientations. But what I felt for him transcended the physical, and sometimes I forgot he was a man, I didn't think about it. The only thing I knew was I loved him from the depth of my being. I was more open and willing to accept it, I felt like I had no choice it was too overwhelming and it had to be fate, why fight it? He, on the other hand, while he felt the same, he ultimately feared it would mean he was gay, and although I assured it had nothing to do with that because I still liked women and the physical/sexual attraction we felt for eachother was a by product of how we felt. He couldn't handle it so he bailed. I hurt for a long time, but through that experience I was exposed to a higher level of consciousness, spirituality, and love! I needed to learn that. I have my preferences and attractions (women), only finding very few males appealing. I wanted something specific too. I wanted girlfriends, and eventually a wife, and kids and we were gonna go live in beach house in Mexico and spend the rest of lives in warmth and family. I wanted it...I want it. But ever since then, I knew that my life mate would be a man. I still have my struggles really accepting that, b/c I'm very rarely attracted to men, but the heart...the soul doesn't discriminate, why should I? My experimenting and sexual encounters [with men], were all very uncomfortable and gross, except for with the aforementioned guy. I wanted him in every way. It didn't start out like that and it happened over time. But back to the point, I've always had an image of who this man would be. It wasn't anything too clear, but I could see a little and at first I looked for it but after all the disappointments and awkward encounters, I decided to wait, focus on myself, and let it come to me. And I believe it did, I believe he did. No one has ever fit the image, the way he does, physical and all.

 

So I hear you guys, and I kept telling myself that and that was the reason I dismissed it the first time but somewhere I ask maybe just maybe in some crazy way, my first experience was maybe meant to prepare me for this very reason. We've talked several times, but it was that one conversation that one was the most powerful! His energy is very much his own, and it sounds cheesy and corny until you're in the situation but I do know him, I almost feel like I always have. Somethings he didn't have to tell me and I knew. Somethings I didn't have to tell him.While passionate, I've never been the completely eccentric or impulsive and I find balance with sense and reason. Maybe I haven't portrayed it much in this thread, but trust I have tried to be as sensible and rational as I can. I'm not approaching him about this anytime soon and I will continue with our existing friendship, if anything we both need it, which I figured the distance was great for that. I'm going to go with the flow and try my best not to think about it! I don't what capacity we're supposed to end up and while I'm okay with platonic, I sincerely believe it goes much further than that. I accept whatever the universe, whatever God feels necessary! I guess I needed to get it out and say something, I've kept it bottled for the most part.

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Good question. I guess you would have to ask others who identify similar to the way you do. One of the challenges to being unique is that you have to figure many things out for yourself since there are few others like you to learn from.

 

It's a work in progress definitely, pansexuality is in the minority!

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I think you're putting a little too much stock in someone you have never met. How can you even begin to consider compatibility of someone you don't even know? You haven't even chatted with him just responded to some of his posts. You may have developed an interest in meeting him but you don't know this person from Adam. If you want to get to know him, meet him and live with him for a few years, only then maybe you can begin to know someone.

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I think you're putting a little too much stock in someone you have never met. How can you even begin to consider compatibility of someone you don't even know? You haven't even chatted with him just responded to some of his posts. You may have developed an interest in meeting him but you don't know this person from Adam. If you want to get to know him, meet him and live with him for a few years, only then maybe you can begin to know someone.

 

Thanks for your feedback! I guess you missed the part where I said we've had *several* chats and phone calls! Our first talk ever, which is the one I mentioned, was the most significant at least too me. This isn't a school girl crush, nor am I treating it as such. I have prayed, meditated, and thoroughly thought this through. I've been doing tons of research into the topic of soulmates etc because I too thought maybe I was putting too much into it. Maybe I am, but I do know how I feel and I've been around long enough to know that it doesn't happen everyday.

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  • 2 years later...
  • 10 months later...

Hi, I've found your post because I have a similar issue. I see this post is a year or more old. I wonder, how did things pan out?

 

A couple of observations from a pan-girl. First of all, I love what you have said about yourself. I think it is pretty likely that this guy is your twin.

 

What I would warn you about the twin flame experience, something that i have found, is that the degree to which encountering your twin can make you feel connected is the degree to which it can make you feel separated.

 

The degree to which you feel soaring love, it can also bring the depths of pain.

 

I know from being in this situation how easy it is to get swept up in the waves of synchronicity and emotions. But, I wish that I had taken time out to really write down what was going on, think things through, put myself first and so on.

 

I just wanted to say, that I think you are an awesome person and to not forget to love yourself first. xxx

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