JTP1994 Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 Well I've been posting a lot of my own threads lately and decided I would rather begin a journal or a diary type thing to help keep myself happier and have you guys to talk to. First off my name is Joe, I live in South Wales and I'm looking to regain and improve my former being. I'll be honest and all of you know that my former relationship completely messed me up and I have seemingly lost all self confidence and happiness. At least that's what it feels like to me. So what I am going to do is set out 'goals' to help myself get through things. Goals is in apostrophes because I'm not sure if they are goals. My 'goals' will be something like: - Completely break this overcast that this relationship has left on me, and escape the thought of my ex. - Feel better about who I am, develop who I am and really work on myself - Get my body back into shape, whilst keeping my strength There is no wish for women in my life at the moment as i know it is all about myself for a change, and the way i currently feel, i would turn down intercourse because I would hate to finish it and just probably turn into an upset mess. I just want to fix me. I hate certain things about myself such as my obsession with the gym for the past 5 years of my life, never going out on weekends with friends, always turning down my friendly outings because of my diet and most of all, it cost me my relationship in my opinion. I wouldd also like to work on how stubborn i am. E.g. Never going out enough, having to plan things etc. I want to live my life instead of destroying it, in little ways. But at the same time keep my routine of training there and realising that there is a lot more to life than the gym (which obviously I have lately, big wake up call). Finally, after working in a factory for a week I've thought about it. I want to leave Wales and go to England to university. I have to choose England because I want to become a police officer and the university course I want to do, a police studies degree, is only available in England, with a foundation year. I've also thought about it and I just really want to move to England or anywhere to have a new start to some degree. I've had the same friend pool since I finished secondary school with very few women being interested in me (as far as I know ay least) and I really want to expand on my life. I'm sick of being that aspiring bodybuilder/powerlifting guy everybody thinks I am. I want to embrace myself. Learn more about who I am. This has been a huge rambling and there will be more, but not so bad. I'll probably post every so often asking things and explaining my thoughts for each day, including; thoughts of my ex, how I am generally feeling, what I've done and just general things all round Yeah well, thanks for reading and I'll talk to you guys soon I hope. Probably during night shift because that's when I think of the best things to post haha. Peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTP1994 Posted September 27, 2013 Author Share Posted September 27, 2013 Well this is awkward already. At a party for my friend and my ex is here.... I'm also slightly drunk so I may lay off for a while now. What do I do of she approaches me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTP1994 Posted September 28, 2013 Author Share Posted September 28, 2013 Well here's what happened. I got drunk last night, ended up crying and just being a douche at first. Didn't cry to my ex or anything and then all of a sudden I had a really decent night afterwards. Last night made me realise that the girl I once loved is dead and gone. She has changed so much. Nothing but a dirty compulsive liar now. She smokes now, too! Not that much of a big deal but god knows how long she has been smoking without me knowing, during our relationship. She probably also cheated on me, now that I think about things. I'm finished with her now completely. I know I can just do better for myself and really just work on me. So im happier now than the other night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTP1994 Posted September 29, 2013 Author Share Posted September 29, 2013 Hmm. Human beings are funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTP1994 Posted October 1, 2013 Author Share Posted October 1, 2013 Slowly starting to feel better after this weekend. I just feel a lot happier in myself for some reason. I think I might finally be breaking off these feelings for my ex and thinking of myself... This is when I begin to progress with things, I think. I'm pretty sure this is how it went the first time I broke up with her, hah. And im starting to think about University at the minute just need to know a bit more about applying etc. I'm also starting to chat to new women, even if its a friendly sort of thing it helps me regain a bit of confidence, I suppose! There's 1 girl ive taken a bit of a liking to at work, but I have no idea how I would approach her as she is in a different department to me and I only really see her when she's clocking out... We smile at each other and that's it really along with some minor eye contact as if we're trying to catch each others attention or something hah. I'm not sure on that though. I've also decided to take a week off the gym to try and relax a bit more, play some more video games on my time off from work so I can unwind a little, whilst planning a new routine in the gym and a diet plan so o can drop a few lbs from my bulk. Give me some input please if anybody read(s). Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Hey Good Luck Joe. I think going to university is a good idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTP1994 Posted October 1, 2013 Author Share Posted October 1, 2013 Hey Good Luck Joe. I think going to university is a good idea. Yeah thanks! I'll be applying soon I hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTP1994 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 Just been realising lately that the only person holding me down was myself. Feeling so much better these past few days because of me breaking free of these leash i have on myself. Onwards and upwards now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTP1994 Posted October 7, 2013 Author Share Posted October 7, 2013 Haven't long woke up after only 4 hours sleep because my dog wouldn't up for some reason. Get. So now im so tired and have to go to the gym. Also its one of those days where I am mulling everything over in my head about my ex. I can't stop thinking of the ifs and maybes. When she came back into my life she invited me to this party thing because I said id do anything to make us work and I want to go out more with her again and spend tine with her and her friends (I was always stubborn and didn't go out enough, caused a lot of arguments) but she wasn't with me and didn't really have intentions of getting back together anyway it seemed so it wouldn't have made a difference if I went to this party or not, I dont think. Judt one of those things where im thinking maybe if I went out it would show I was prepared to get her back but she wasn't prepared to break up with her boyfriend to get back with me, so I guess that's fair, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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