Breakup Journal - Life without MiMi

[recovery1024]

I am glad to have found this Enotalone forum. Instead of releasing all my thoughts and telling all kinds of stories and past experiences to my friends (yes, they were annoyed), I think it is best to write down my recovery journey in this Journal.

 

Here's a very brief situation about my situation: My ex-girlfriend MiMi dumped me 8 weeks ago. For the first few weeks, I did most of things that dumpees should not do, such as begging, pleading, kept texting and calling, etc. On Aug 30th, my ex texted me saying that she was dating someone. It was a disaster night for me and I was extremely shocked. Again, I begged again and sent her a letter (bad idea!). I finally decide to start No Contact on Sept 8, which is 2 weeks ago.

 

I have finally decided to write this journal to track down my status of my recovery. My primary goal now is to focus on myself and build up for the better person. This was my first serious relationship. Breakup process is really hard, but I know I can go through it. At least at this stage, I am able to control myself to not contact MiMi in any way! I am keeping NC all the way until I am 100% healed. Being single now gives me time to rethink of what I want to pursue in life. I have more time to focus on my studies for my professional exams. I have more time to look for a better job too.

 

In short, during my recovery, I will focus on myself, on my life and on my future!

[recovery1024]

MiMi, the last text message that I got from you before I entered in NC was: "Whether you consider me as a friend or not I still wish you all the best and I'm sure you can finish your exams soon." At least we ended our relationship in good terms, we didn't fight nor argue at the end.

 

Can friendship hold after a breakup? No, I can't keep you as a friend, especially you are dating someone now. You cannot have both persons at the same time, your current boyfriend and me. You cannot have the new exciting moments being with your current bf, and the good things that I shared with you. Being single right now, I am using this time to hang out with my old friends and meet new ones. I am also involved in a new course and spending time for my hobbies.

 

My decision to keep NC is certainly right. I have to admit that after these few weeks, I still miss you and love you very much. But keeping NC will help me to move on. I have read in many relationship forums that people still keep contact to each other, and become only friends. I don't think this is healthy for both persons. In most cases, the dumper will completely ignore the dumpee once the dumper is certain that his relationship is a serious one.

 

Even if you try to reach me in the future by texting, email or calling, I will not reply back to you, unless there is strong evidence that you want to reconcile with me. If there is really some emergency, I may then reply you back briefly and I will keep it minimal. But I know your character, you may not even try to reach me in any way....

 

Anyway, what matters more right now is that I want to improve myself, and I want to show to my surroundings that I am succeeding in life again. I am not planning to be friends with you now. Let time settle things down, and let destiny decides.

 

By the way, I am eating McDo tonight alone and today they started the Monopoly peels. What a coincidence. It reminds me the good old times that we had last year. Although you didn't really like to eat the junk food from McDo, I tried to get ourselves meals with many Monopoly peels as possible. I would let you peel the stamps and I would see you the joy of getting a prize or not. I really miss being with you.

[recovery1024]

These days I find that my mom has hearing problems, or I should rather say, my mom's hearing abilities have deteriorated a lot. There are times where I need to keep repeating a sentence twice out loud so that she can hear what I said. I am rather a patient person, but sometimes I really get mad at my mom because I was losing my patience to repeat things over and over! Once, I was down emotionally and yelled at her loud unconsciously to repeat my sentence another time. I didn't mean it, but I was angry after the breakup and it wasn't a good timing. I was pretty sure she knew after that.

 

Also, I find that my mom is starting to lack memory too. I think it is normal with age, but sometimes I do worry about her. A month ago, we went to Linen Chest. There are two main entrances in that store. We bought towels and bed covers that day. But when we were leaving, she forgot which main entrance we used to enter the store, and she was going towards the back entrance, which was wrong! We entered from the front entrance... Also, I noticed that she rarely plays mah jong with friends recently, even my dad is not back yet. I hope that she is not feeling "out" from her friends because she thinks she is starting to lack memory.

 

My mom is getting old. Life is short. One must enjoy life while it can be. Remaining positive in life is essential, despite the. We must appreciate what we have, and we should never take things for granted. Once we have found our soul mate, go for it without hesitating and love that person deeply. Appreciate the good friends that we have, because they are there to support us in any occasions.

 

Be confident and positive. Once that is reached, we would have found our own true happiness.

[kamurj]