Appropriate or Not?

[Batya33]

My 4 year old and I were sitting on a long bench, waiting for a bus in the middle of the afternoon. There was a 20 something man dressed in a suit sitting on the same bench. He struck up a conversation with us, asked me if we lived in the neighborhood, like that. Fine. He said he went to a nearby university. He asked how old my son was and I told him. He asked if he went to school and I said yes.

 

I asked him if he had children since he seemed so interested in my son and he said no, he is single (my son also asked him whether he has childen, he loves to ask that question). He then smiles broadly at my son and says "Will you come with me?" And I said with a small smile but firmly 'no, he won't". Then he said "I'll give you ice cream, will you come with me? I'll give you chocolate, will you come with me?" And I repeated "no, he won't". I thought of quietly moving benches but I had all our stuff with us -stroller/bags, etc and there was little room on the other benches. The rest of the time was ok till the bus came and he took a different bus.

 

My opinion - I don't think it's appropriate for a complete stranger to speak that way to a young child even if it's a joke. It's not funny. It made me feel on edge and on guard. Luckily my son didn't respond but seemed to sense he shouldn't -he sat closer to me. I like for him to interact appropriately with strangers, in particular when it comes to learning more and more about manners and social skills (he has good manners for his age), I like for him to see me interacting with other people too. I think I have a good sense of humor, I think I have a good sense of appropriate/inappropriate, and I think that it's inappropriate for a stranger to speak to my child in this way. I find the kind of interaction I described disrespectful to both me and my child (at the very least). I would be interested to hear others' reactions -I would think it depends on a lot of factors -time of day/type of environment, etc.

[mhowe]

It was completely inappropriate --- did you by chance get a name?

 

Even if he was "testing" your son, for whatever reason, it was wholly inappropriate.

 

And as a joke --- it was cruel.

[Batya33]

It was completely inappropriate --- did you by chance get a name?

 

Even if he was "testing" your son, for whatever reason, it was wholly inappropriate.

 

And as a joke --- it was cruel.

 

He told me his first name and the name of his school and it crossed my mind to try to remember that in case. I also wondered if he was trying to flirt with me with the "I'm single" comment and asking me my name - I wear a wedding ring and I suspect I'm twice his age so I dismissed that possibility.

[Kaytie]

That was completely inappropriate under any circumstances. It's not funny, and not a joke. Anything that makes you uncomfortable and gets your spidey senses tingling is usually bang on as a mother.

[Batya33]

That was completely inappropriate under any circumstances. It's not funny, and not a joke. Anything that makes you uncomfortable and gets your spidey senses tingling is usually bang on as a mother.

 

Yes... I might veer towards the more protective though which is why I was wondering. My general rule of thumb is that I will not directly address a young child I don't know- only the parent (unless the parent encourages the child to talk with me) - just to be on the safe side.

[mhowe]

I said the joke part because I was watching a tv show, and a guy with a very harsh sense of humor was joking with a young child --- saying inappropriate things right in front of the parents (he was a family friend, and am sure they are used to it)----but on tv it was jarring -----

[CatsMeeoow]

Creepy..... Hopefully you will never see this guy again. Use it as a good teaching lesson for you son and tell him what a great job he did by not going with the stranger even when tempted with a treat.

[Batya33]

I said the joke part because I was watching a tv show, and a guy with a very harsh sense of humor was joking with a young child --- saying inappropriate things right in front of the parents (he was a family friend, and am sure they are used to it)----but on tv it was jarring -----

 

Interesting -and yes he might have meant it as a joke, who knows. TV can be a bit of a minefield sometimes!

[Batya33]

Creepy..... Hopefully you will never see this guy again. Use it as a good teaching lesson for you son and tell him what a great job he did by not going with the stranger even when tempted with a treat.

 

Yes - this was the first time in this kind of situation - and I should have taken it as a teaching moment.

[Cheetarah]

No, it's not funny at all and terribly inappropriate. The hair on the back of my neck would have stood up.

[Kaytie]

Yes... I might veer towards the more protective though which is why I was wondering. My general rule of thumb is that I will not directly address a young child I don't know- only the parent (unless the parent encourages the child to talk with me) - just to be on the safe side.

 

I am the same way. I don't want to make another parent feel uncomfortable. With my daughter (who is 9.5 now), she is still weary of strangers and of course it's easier to tell her why since she's older. But when she was 3 or 4 like your son, she took her cues from my partner and could sense if she was uncomfortable at all (much like your son did when he moved closer to you).

 

That young man sounds creepy. I'm glad it didn't turn out to be anything more than it was.

[Purusha]

That's pretty scary, since he knows the school your son goes to I'd probably have a quiet word with the school just in case they see anyone hanging around. What a creep...

[Heather Dawn]

That would've set me on alert, for sure.

[Seraphim]

Totally creepy. I would've told him to get the hell away from me and my son.

[Seraphim]

And that is why I totally abhorr public transportation. You have to put up with the weirdos. I just seriously can't put up with the weirdo factor in public transportation that's why I would absolutely refuse to take it. That is why thank God every day for my vehicle.

[oitnb]

That's scary. And not appropriate at all. I almost got kidnapped when I was 3-5 don't really remember the age, but some guy came into my front yard asking If I wanted to come get candy. I hadn't had the "bad people" talk yet, but I inherently knew NOT to go. I booked it to my front door and my dad chased him down the street with a baseball bat. I think children usually can sense creepers. Tell his school that a stranger knows he goes there, an to keep an eye out.

[Batya33]

That's pretty scary, since he knows the school your son goes to I'd probably have a quiet word with the school just in case they see anyone hanging around. What a creep...

 

Oh I did not tell him where and we were nowhere near school. As an aside his school has top notch security both in the school and through neighborhood patrols. Thank you!

[dangletsbang]

Oh, no. So creepy and inappropriate. How awkward for you!

[ParisPaulette]

No, it's not funny. It's either him passively aggressively doing something he knew would upset you just because he's a screwed up guy who thinks it's funny to upset others OR he was "testing" your son and you to see if you'd actually be stupid enough to take him up on the offers for treats. Neither one of these things is acceptable or okay. In the future, if you can either move or speak up and say, "I teach my son it's not safe for him to go with people he doesn't know, and if you're joking it's not amusing." Then pull out your phone and raise your voice and tell him he needs to step back. If he persists dial 911 and report him to the cops. And as an added caution I would avoid that bus stop for a week or two. Yes, I am a bit of a paranoid parent, but it's kept me and others safe and alive this long, so I'm going to go with my gut and you should too.

[Batya33]

Yes I understand. Thanks! We have to go there next week again but it's extremely well-patrolled and populated (it's a bus terminal near a train station) so I can avoid him easily if that should happen. I am not one to make a scene unless it's necessary -luckily he stopped after that.

[Heart On]

I hope you let your son know that that is just the sort of thing and man he has to be careful of and NEVER to go with a stranger unless he knows your "safe" word and then make one up with him.

 

I would have made a scene without qualms.

 

"EXCUSE ME? What the hail are you doing!!"

[Cognitive_Canine]

This is extremely bizarre behaviour on his part. Who does that???

 

>_> Yikes.

 

Even if he wasn't being extremely creepy (which he was), you shouldn't talk about treats to other people's kids! Getting them riled up and wanting something sweet so they can nag their parent's about it is bad enough.

[Batya33]

This is extremely bizarre behaviour on his part. Who does that???

 

>_> Yikes.

 

Even if he wasn't being extremely creepy (which he was), you shouldn't talk about treats to other people's kids! Getting them riled up and wanting something sweet so they can nag their parent's about it is bad enough.

 

Yes- since he was a baby most people who want to give him a treat (like at our supermarket bakery) spell it out just in case. That was the other issue -of course -duh -he loves ice cream and chocolate - but that's not an every day thing in the least!

[Batya33]

Update -luckily he was not there again!