Something Smells Funny!?...?!

[Sophia_Jane]

I say smell funny as I am concerned that something in my relationship smells fishy..

 

We nearly broke up last week but decided to give our 4 year relationship another go as a trial until January and see how things go- as we ar still in love with each other. But unfortunately I cant put my finger on it - but my boyfriend doesnt seem happy.. He gets tired a lot lately and goes to bed before I do. I am not working and I am at home most of the time so it doesnt help. We email each other every day until he gets home - but I find this stops us from having anything to say.

 

We have fun weekends - but within the week how do I make it more fun and exciting in the few hours that we see each other before its time to go to bed byes??

 

I am a messy person and I know that this can be depressing for when he comes home. So maybe this is to blame.. Any tips or ideas guys?

[sankin]

STOP, first things first, do not blame yourself, it sounds to me like work is getting to him, the best thing you can do for him, is when he gets home, just try to make him as comfortable as possibal, give him back massages ect. It really sound like work related stress might be getting to him, try offering to go on vacation somewere, for the holidays or something, talk about work, and whats bothering him, all these things together will help you two pull through. I hope this helps.

[OceanEyes]

What does your man do for a living? How old are both of you?

[Sophia_Jane]

My boyfriend is 30 and I am 23 next month. He works for Social Services for Westminster and recently just got a new job as a Liasons Officer. His job can be quite stressful. he gets up at 6am hits the gym, comes back gets dressed and showered then is off to work again and then comes back at about 6.30pm he is asleep by 9.30 sometimes 10.30pm..

[Sophia_Jane]

Besides when I ask him the reasons for being tired he just says he is fine!

[ReadyorNot]

I would suggest cuting out the emails while he is at work. That way when he gets home from work you have more to talk about and he will be really happy to see you since he will have missed you ALL DAY!. When you are emailing each other he doesnt have time to miss you.

[OceanEyes]

His job can be quite stressful. he gets up at 6am hits the gym, comes back gets dressed and showered then is off to work again and then comes back at about 6.30pm he is asleep by 9.30 sometimes 10.30pm..

 

I can pretty much guarantee you that his job is taking its toll. I think most women tend to blame themselves in situations like yours, but try not to. He's most likely just very tired and consumed with work-related matters.

 

My boyfriend has a tendency to be a very dopey guy at night because of his crazy schedule. He gets up at 6:30 (like your man), is in school from 8am until 2:30, then 5 days a week works a very busy and stressful job at a newspaper (deadlines, office [newspaper in particular] politics). Then when he comes home, he has to worry about studying for 2-3 hours and reading textbooks that are sometimes 2000 pages in as little as 4 weeks. There are some days that we barely even speak; he just wants to cuddle and then sleep!

 

I'm like you, and not working right now either (seasonal job just ended a couple of weeks ago). I would suggest that you find something to do with your time, or find a part-time job. Sitting around your place all day will worsen your mood and make you pretty lonely. I volunteer in two places, work out every day, and keep the place neat.

 

And, just to let you know: when you ask your man if there's something wrong and he says, "I'm fine" - leave it alone. When a man says this, it most often means that he is tired or stressed and doesn't want to talk about it. Of course, when women are tired or stressed, we like to talk about things to feel better. Most men just want to read the paper, play video games or work out to feel better. Try to understand that men and women deal with stress differently.

 

Here's what I would do if I were you:

 

- Find something to do during weekdays. Anything.

 

- Clean the place up while he's at work a couple of times a week, and cook him a nice meal once in a while. He'll love it.

 

- [You may find this one vulgar, but I find that it works wonders with my man, LOL!] Give him some sexual favours when he's about to go to bed without wanting anything in return. You don't have to do this all the time, but if there's one thing that my man loves, it's getting some oral pleasure and then just passing out. I swear he will love you for it and be more willing to give more to you next time.

 

- Don't ever bombard him with questions or chatter when he gets in the door from work, or before he leaves for work in the morning. When he gets home, give him at least 30 minutes to unwind, and he'll feel like you're giving him some space and respecting that he's tired.

 

These may sound kind of old-fashioned, but I don't think there is anything wrong with showing your man some appreciation and giving him some space when he needs it.

[Sophia_Jane]

Haha... That was great advice..

 

I find when I am at home all day it can get very lonely and all I want is attention. I try not to email him but soemtimes I cant help it.. Arghh I must stop..His mother is coming from the Caribbean on Saturday so I do have alot of things to do and get finished..

 

I am currently looking for a part time/Full time job too at the moment..

 

I wa sthinkign it may be a good idea to write a list of things that I have to get doen during the day - this will keep me occupied. I find I just waste my days otherwise..I will look into that voluntary work as it will be a good idea to get me out of the house.

 

And well I never teh oral thing I never really thought about that..lol

 

I think for me I just need some attention too - but in a lot of ways I need to fill my days more and give myself some more attention. Its quite difficult when you are strapped for cash. But I will try my best...