Tears - My Kryptonite

[OceanEyes]

I thought that moving in with my girlfriend would make me happy, but it didn't work.

 

I've fallen into emotional traps like this a couple of times in my life, and have learned one thing: if you're not a happy person to begin with, nobody can remove that feeling permanently. It may be fun and exciting at the time, but when reality sets in, you'll find that the same feelings of unhappiness and general dissatisfaction with the world that you felt before. Long-term unhappiness/ depression will never just *go away* just because someone loves you; it's through self-discovery and a comittment to your own personal growth that will change that.

 

I think that only time will tell on this one. You don't know how you're going to feel about her in 6 months, or even in 6 weeks. When I was 22 (I know it doesn't seem like I'm much older, but I certainly feel like that was a very different time of my life), I rarely knew exactly what I wanted, always had very confusing emotions and desires.

 

One thing I will warn you about: I've been the type of person since a pretty young age who has followed their heart, which means that I've bailed on a couple of relationships and hurt some people in the process. Although I feel like I am with the right man now, I'm never sure whether or not he feels the same way about me. If you're going to put yourself out there and take chances, there is a strong possibility that you will have regrets. So I guess what I am saying, is to really look long and hard at what you have now, and before ending things completely, really try to see the 'bigger picture'. Great loves are very hard to find, and never come without problems here and there.

[VictorWard]

I've fallen into emotional traps like this a couple of times in my life, and have learned one thing: if you're not a happy person to begin with, nobody can remove that feeling permanently. It may be fun and exciting at the time, but when reality sets in, you'll find that the same feelings of unhappiness and general dissatisfaction with the world that you felt before. Long-term unhappiness/ depression will never just *go away* just because someone loves you; it's through self-discovery and a comittment to your own personal growth that will change that.

This post really opened my eyes. It even kind of makes me feel dumb because it seems like such simple advice, and it never really occurred to me. As for commitment to personal growth, I do plan on going back to school next year. Sometimes I feel like I just want to leave this relationship and start over in a new town and see what I can do when I'm completely on my own. Then other times, this thought scares the crap out of me.

You mentioned that when you were 22, you rarely knew what you wanted. This sounds like me. I don't know what I want to do with anything. As far as my relationship goes, I don't know what I want, and the same goes for my career.

You follow your heart; that's something I can honestly say that I have very rarely ever done. My rational thoughts always get in the way of that. Maybe following your heart is the key to happiness.

One of my biggest fears is that if I end this relationship, then I have nothing. She is my only friend; I am not close with my family, so I would have nobody.

[OceanEyes]

You follow your heart; that's something I can honestly say that I have very rarely ever done. My rational thoughts always get in the way of that. Maybe following your heart is the key to happiness.

One of my biggest fears is that if I end this relationship, then I have nothing. She is my only friend; I am not close with my family, so I would have nobody.

 

Following your heart all the time probably will bring you some happiness, but speaking from personal experience, it is sometimes irresponsible to always do whatever makes you happy. Sometimes, thinking with your brain rather than your heart will save you from making very bad decisions (for example, when someone says "buh-bye" to someone who has cheated on them, rather than taking them back because of "love").

 

Fears are totally natural, but if you never give things a go, you will never really know 'what you're made of'. I've taken a lot of very risky chances in life (moving overseas and to other cities where I only know a couple of people), and there will always be obstacles. But, for the most part, I've been happy with the choices that I've made.

 

All of my girlfriends from high school said that they were going to do these 'great things'; all of them had different dreams. Not one of them actually followed through with a single thing they said they would, and as a result, most of them feel trapped in dead-end jobs with low pay, they're with the same guys they were with in high school (and very unhappy most of the time), and basically feel like their lives are going in a totally different direction than they wanted it to. The result? Most of them do the same thing they did back then: make claims that they were going to change their lives and do something different, but never do - they're all still unsatisfied and regretting what they don't try. You know what I mean?

 

If you're a strong enough person to make something new happen in your life, then start planning. It does sound to me like you are, for the record.

 

If you get back into school, you will have a much better opportunity to meet new people; male and female. Perhaps now isn't the best time to start making big decisions, but it's always good to have a plan in mind. If I were you, and still 22 (I'll be 25 in a month - yikes!), I would explore any and every possibility there was out there. If you fail a couple of times, then at least you will have some fun in the process and gain some true life experience. You will learn a lot about yourself, who you really are, and what you really want and value the most.

 

One thing I wanted to ask: have you ever thought of travelling? I know that might not be a possibility right now, but consider it. I've spent months in Europe travelling around, practically living on pennies and barely having enough money to eat. The first time I was by myself (met up with friends in Amsterdam), and the second time I actually had a travel buddy. If you can manage to spend a good amount of time out of the U.S., I think you would feel like a new man.

[VictorWard]

Fears are totally natural, but if you never give things a go, you will never really know 'what you're made of'.

...

If you get back into school, you will have a much better opportunity to meet new people; male and female. Perhaps now isn't the best time to start making big decisions, but it's always good to have a plan in mind. If I were you, and still 22 (I'll be 25 in a month - yikes!), I would explore any and every possibility there was out there. If you fail a couple of times, then at least you will have some fun in the process and gain some true life experience. You will learn a lot about yourself, who you really are, and what you really want and value the most.

I look at going back to school to be one of the possibilities that's "out there". I would like to do this as soon as possible, while the age gap between me and most first year students isn't too huge. Everybody talks about how much of a blast university life is, and all I have experienced is life at a technical college with no girls. I don't want to one of those people that you were talking about, that make plans and don't do anything about them.

Actually, lately I have been thinking of travelling. I was thinking of going with a tour group to Europe sometime next year. I've never been anywhere, and going with a tour group would force me to make friends. I think it would be a great experience. A lot of people from work do this, and have lots of stories to tell when the get back. It would be nice for once to be the person with an interesting story to tell.

... If you can manage to spend a good amount of time out of the U.S., I think you would feel like a new man.

Actually, I'm a Canadian, but travelling is still a great idea.

 

Thank you for taking the time to post in this thread. It's great to have somebody to talk to about this problem.