Damn its noever simple

[venquessa1607306442]

Anyone who might have folowed any of my posts on this board will know I have put myself threw hell and back after I lost my GF of 7 years, 2 years ago.

 

We had been in touch on and off, but it always, for me held the ending gloom that she would walk away afterwards to her home and me to mine alone.

 

Of course then she didn't take my calls, didn't return them when I left a missed call, and only occasionally would she answer and we would meet for a drink or lunch.

 

Then, after I got completely after she was at a party I was at, I decided, "No contact is the only way."

 

About 2 months past, then she phoned me to ask for me to print something on the PC for her.... I did, but ... well I wasn't cold, but trying to remain "out of it".

 

She called again, asked about going for a drink.

 

At that drink she was totally differnt, she wasn't exactly all over me, but, she was much more into us spending time together. I tried not to let this get in, to my feelings for her I still had, I tried not to let this raise me hopes.

 

Things contnued, and in the last 2 weeks we have been out 4 or 5 times for drinks, and tonigth dinner. We talked about what we had and how hard it was to find, i even said, "So are you coming round to the way of thinking that what we had was special and we probably will never find it again?" and she said , "yes I am" At one point, after going back to hers for a drink, I felt electric and I said so, accused her of vibeing sexual thoughts at me, I was remaining constrained, shortly after I put my arm around her... no resistance, she fell back onto my chest and I cuddled her. Shortly after we "just kissed" .... but were interrupted.

 

Tongiht, dinner was lovely. Lots of smiles and everything, I was trying so hard not to raise any hopes, but I was helpless.

 

At one point she said, "My dad is scandalized that I am meeting your for dinner. He says Im a typical women playing with a mans mind.", further discussion led to her claiming it was nothing but friends. She more or less said, "If you are interested in more, then maybe he is right and I shouldn't be here, we shouldn't be spending time together if you think it's for us getting back together, maybe we shouldn't do it."

 

We talked for a while after that, I tried to figure it out, but... guys and especially gals, HELP! Im completely lost. She went for being my exe, that I met on and off and there was no chance at all of us being back together,... to her answering all my calls, being really friendly, at times even saying things that would lead me to think we might get back together, and then, almost immediately she backs out, pretends it's not happening.

 

I know these things.

 

She can't be chased. If I chase she will run. I am not surprised if this is happening already.

 

Her eyes. I know she still loves me. I can see it and feel it. The "hugs" goodbye we have always had, have always been long, cuddles really and recently these have been far longer and far closer.

 

Shes scared. Of what exactly I dont know.

 

I can see her love for me in her eyes and I can feel it in her hugs. We have such good fun together still, and she says she loves my company, agrees to "What we had is not like 90% of couples, it was special".

 

My plan for now, is... well I sent her a text saying basically, "I respect yoru feelings and I wont bother you with mine, call me when if want me."

 

I can't chase her. But. She already knows how much I want her. I need to present a challance. I need to do something other than give up on her that will make it her act that is next.

 

I have ... in a way just walked to the net and dropped the ball into her hand and walked away. She KNOWS I want to play, but... does she? Handing her the ball is not throwing the toys out of the pram is it? I must however play this out. I must not phone her and leave it to her now to make contact.

 

Why are women so ... confused and confusing?

[iceesnowbubble]

Maybe her dad said something to her that made her feel like getting back together was a bad idea..?

[Badbuffyboo]

Do you think she only gets friendlier when you've been distant to her.

There are a lot of people out there, men and women........who only want something they think they might not get. I'm not saying she's deliberately playing with your feelings........maybe the thought of losing you completely, jolts her into wanting you but once she has you she doesn't know what to do.

After this length of time, you'd hope she'd have sorted her feelings out.

I wish you luck.

[venquessa1607306442]

Apparently her family have been singing my praises. Any after I posted that message I did some thinking with a more suspicious mind about the dinner and the evening in general.

 

During dinner she went to the toilet more time than I think normal, even knowing that women have ping-pong ball bladders. Twice she took her bag with her. The first time she did so, she went back to the toilet literally 10 minutes later.

 

The last time she went to the loo, so came back having fixed her lipstick and eye makeup. We discussed whether we should go for a quick drink afterwards. She decided that she had paper work to do for work, I offered to help, but she insisted, no.

 

Outside the restaurant I said I was thiniking about going to the pub (our regular) for a pint and too see if anyone I knew was there, as the off sales (alcolhol shop) was shut. She said,

"No it's open till eleven."

"Hmm, but I might go into the pub anyway."

"No, don't do that."

 

I thought at the time, she was saying it would be silly of me to go to the pub alone. I went to the offy and didn't think anything of it, until shortly after I posted the message here.

 

Then it hit me. She wasn't going home to do paper work at all, she had been on the phone with some of her friends and she was going to the pub and was just trying to ditch me in the process, she even walked off down her road. (the pub is just 100yards from her house).

 

I considered going down to the pub, just to see, but I didn't. I sent her an email, via her sisters email box, saying my feelings and that I will not play the fool in any story. I told her, goodbye until you can respect me and not have me play the fool.

 

Your right that I shouldn't let her play my feelings and hiding things away from me, and giving me mixed signals is not on. Hell, there are a lot of suspicious things about this, most I don't have enough info to figure out exactly what they are, but I'm still fairly sure they are there.

 

My feelings for her are too strong and she can play me like a dice, so I must be strict with myself and not let her treat me like this.

 

Thanks for listening.

[Break up Veteran]

venquessa,

 

You are right to be suspicious. Do not worry so much as to why. Just trust your gut feelings. She probably is playing you, but I don't think it is out and out conscious manipulation. Subconsciously she gets fulfilment from you being there and expressing your love for her.

 

If I were you I would become very elusive and remain totally aloof with her. No kisses, no hugs no physical contact. Do not give away your time for her easily.

 

If she really wants these things and your love, make her fight for them.

 

It is true that people want what they can't seem to have. Also the more effort you have to put in to get something the more you cherish and value it.

 

I am in a similar position to you with my ex. I wish I could follow my own advice.

 

Whenever your ex needs some small favour done, be busy. If she wants to spend time with you, tell her your busy with 'friends'. Let her mind wander.

 

Without meaning to be sexist, Women's minds can be very powerful weapons. But it can also be their Achilles heel. If you can start to make her mind wander and speculate without facts, she will change her tune. I'm not saying that you'll definitely win her back, but you will be in a better position.

 

If you think I'm joking just look at yourself. You are feeling suspicious and uncertain. Everything she does makes your mind wander even more. She is feeding of this from you. So you know it works.

 

Turn the tables on her, make her wonder.

 

A word of warning though. Girls/women, especially women are a thousand times better at this game than men. If you are going to play then keep your wits about you.

 

Actually you have two choices NC or the game. NC is a lot less stressful and gives you the strength to accept the situation and progress. Playing the game can psychologically drain you till you break but is one hell of a learning experience.

 

You could even combine the two.

 

Good luck whatever you choose to do. Just make sure you remember you control your life not her (I know it doesn't feel like it sometimes).

 

May the force be with you young jedi warrior