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Need some support and opinions


shescrafty

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Hi,

 

I recently broke up with the guy I was seeing for 8 months. After 3 months of dating he went to o/s for 3 months which I knew when I first met him. So even though we saw each other every week going on dates etc I didn't expect we would stay together. It was totally up to him. I even deleted him off fb so I didn't have to see pics - I told him I would and why. He had to msg me to see if I was online. He stayed in contact the whole time he was away and he bought me gifts from his travels and saw me as soon as he got back. It was a really great reunion. So since he had been back he was acting very coupley and initiating a lot of dates and contact. He kept asking what he should do for his 30th (I'm 31 he just turned 30) and involving me in his life. We were seriously having the best time.

 

At his 30th that's when it all changed. He was extremely drunk... he introduced me to everyone even his brothers. But we had a fight because he was all over the place and ignoring me a bit. And he just started saying "I don't want a relationship"...I said fine, you never have to see me again. The next day he called and called, texted, everything. I didn't answer. Then he came to my house with flowers apologizing etc. but we talked and he said he was scared of commitment... I honestly think he has freaked out because he's turned 30! And his dad has cheated on his mum a lot - they are still together.

 

We stayed in contact because he was going into surgery that week. But I was distant and told him I wouldn't see him for a few weeks. Well that didn't last because he kept asking me to visit him. It was really good but I was so insecure so asked for exclusivity and just see where it goes. He agreed. But since then he distanced himself. I decided to give him space but he would initiate contact occasionally but not as much as before his 30th!!! So last week I told him I didn't feel special or like a priority. He said he's still scared of being committed and getting older (?!) so he hasn't invested too much. He really likes me and doesn't want to be with other people... BUT he doesn't think he can give me what i want...

 

Anyway i was so calm and just said thanks for being honest, didn't cry in front of him. THEN 4 hours later we were both online and he said:

 

"are we allowed to chat?" - i went offline instantly and he said

 

 

I just didn't reply. Then the next day he sent another one.

 

"are we still not allowed to chat?"

 

I replied later that night saying:

 

"chatting at this point in time is in no one's best interest given our conversation on Monday."

 

And that's it. No contact from me or him since then. It's nearly been a week. Will he turn around and realize what he's lost? I felt like that he needed to lose me to realize what he had. I am doing no contact to move on mainly. But of course I really want him to turn around and realize what he lost. I do think he really liked me... but was pushing me away. People always think the grass is greener but it's never the case. Before his 30th I was seriously starting to think I had a boyfriend... and it was all him initiating! Sigh.

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Personally if I were you I'd keep going with NC and get occupied with other activities to get your mind off him. If he really wants to be with you he's going to try and communicate and do everything in his power to get back with you. In the end, you'll eventually get over him right? So it's a win win situation, if he comes back into the picture in the future you'll be able to decide if you really want to be with him or if your better off alone. Hope it helped, good luck!

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It's also frustrating cos he will prob meet someone else that just puts up with his crap and I'll be the alone one and he won't sorry... on a bit of a downer.

 

Someone that would put up with his behavior would have to have low self-esteem to put such a low expectation of what they would accept from a partner. Even he told you that he didn't think he could give you what you want. BIG RED FLAG. Just move on so you can find someone who can.

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