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Parents asking me to choose between them and my fiancé


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I have been with my fiancé for about six months now. I know that we have fast tracked our relationship, But I'm a 31-year-old woman And I did not go into this relationship blindly.

The biggest crisis in my life right now is that my parents absolutely hate my fiancé with a passion. I own a house accross the street from my parents (I know I know it was a dumb idea no matter how great the price of the house was!) And that has only made the situation 1 million times worse.

My parents have never actually officially met my fiancé. They decided that they hated him based upon the way he looks with piercings and tattoos, The way he dresses, And mostly things that they dug up on Internet searches.

I was very fortunate to grow up in a very loving family, My fiancé was not as fortunate and made some very bad choices when he was a teenager as a result of this. He is now 27 and trying to be a better person. I personally believe in giving people a chance if they want to change, My parents think once a scumbag always a scumbag.

I love my fiancé very very much, and I love my family very very much. My fiancé has tried to be nice to my parents by waving to them asking them if they need help and being very polite. My parents ignore him or say nasty things to him, Even once threatening to call the police if he didn't turn his music down at 3 o'clock in the afternoon on a Saturday.

My parents say that I am being disrespectful to them and ungrateful by not leaving him. They say that I only care about his feelings and not their feelings. I have tried so many times to communicate with my parents and reach some sort of compromise agreement or even a stalemate. They are completely 100% unwilling to budge, unwilling to meet him even, even saying that they would not acknowledge any children that I would have with him.

My parents are trying to control every aspect of my life, and now that I am breaking away from that they have basically disowned me. I love my family very very much, but I need to live my own life. My sister is 28, and special needs. She lives with my parents, and they have told her that she is not allowed to come over my house if my fiancé is home. They are basically trying to ruin my relationship with my sister as well.

I really really really need some advice because my heart hurts very much for not having a close relationship that I once had with my parents. I really don't know what to do from here....

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You are an adult, not a child. You do not live under their roof and you do not take a dime of their money for your support. You may do as you wish, love who you wish because you are an adult. That comes with consequences and you have to decide if you're willing to pay the consequences for being an adult.

 

If their love and acceptance is that important, then lose the guy and please them; but know, if you do that, then they will reach even further in your life on other things. Might be a good idea to consider selling your house and moving elsewhere where they can't look out their window and see how you're living.

 

Go down to the local police station and talk to them about your parents making nuisances of themselves by calling the cops on your boyfriend. Thing is, noise abatement doesn't apply at 3p in the afternoon, so enough of those kinds of calls and they'll be the ones in hot water for making false/nuisance reports.

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I am another one for selling your house and move. Your parents are obviously intent on making your life completely miserable. Their crappy behavior to your fiancé will eventually grate on him enough that he won't even want to be with you. It looks like you're going to have to make that decision of him or them.

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And mostly things that they dug up on Internet searches.

I was very fortunate to grow up in a very loving family, My fiancé was not as fortunate and made some very bad choices when he was a teenager as a result of this. He is now 27 and trying to be a better person.

 

How long has he been a changed person? What were his crimes that they object to?

 

Perhaps the combination of his past with the quickness of your relationship is what concerns them. Why do you need to get married so quickly? Could you date for a while, not just to reassure your parents, but to be sure yourself?

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I do have to ask, what did they find on the internet? This is a strong reaction, so it can't have been good.

 

I'm wondering, too. Maybe if you disclose what they found, exactly, we could better advise you on whether or not your parents are actually being unreasonable and controlling.

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You seem to trust your fiancé alot, yet your parents don't for reasons unknown. Your make your parents sound irrational and narrow-minded, yet you don't say what your fiancé did in the past to deserve such a treatment.

 

Whatever you choose to do, one thing is mandatory and unrelated to any other : quit living in front of your parents, you and they lack the maturity for such proximity.

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I too wondered what he has done, but unless he was some sort of pedophile, rapist or murderer, it seems extreme to threaten to cut you out of their lives if you marry him.

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They can be worried,yes, but she is not 16. She is 31. I am not saying that parents should not worry about their kids even as adults, but like DN said unless he is a pedofile or rapist or murder they should really stay out of it. And to pretty much disown her and say they won't see her kids. Come on now that is emotional blackmail.

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