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Boyfriend of two years has photos on his facebook with an ex, shoud I be mad?


mediacrat

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I've been dating my boyfriend for two years, and since we got together he had these photos of him and his ex, at the first months they didn't bother me, but now they just make me feel like , they're photos of them kissing and cuddling, hugging, you get the idea... they're profile photos too so it's not like they're in an album tucked away, eevryone can see those.. i pointed it out to him and all he said was ''why are you on my photos anyway'' he didnt even answer my question. we have a fantastic relationship but things have always been sensitive whenever this girl is mentioned, he keeps her gifts too and im starting to wonder whether if hes over her or not, he was only with her for two months, which seems very short and stupid. What should I do? should i bring up the topic of the photos or just shut up and get over it even though it angers me?

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Everyone has different boundaries that their comfortable with. Some people here will probably tell you that you're being unreasonable, but arguing about what boundaries are acceptable is not really the point here. The point is that you don't feel comfortable with those old pictures. You should definitely tell your boyfriend, and if you respects your feelings (as he should), then he will take them down. I don't see how it would be a huge burden for him to delete those pictures out of respect for you.

 

As a side note, don't say, "I'm mad at you for having those pictures" when you talk to him. Don't make it about him, he had no way of knowing you wouldn't be comfortable with that. Just say you're uncomfortable with it.

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Hi mediacrat,

 

I can completely relate to your post.

 

When I first got together with my now fiance, we had been together only 6 months and moved in with each other. He already had his own place so this was an easy transition. What really used to make me upset was the fact that in some of his albums, his ex girlfriend of 7 years was in the majority of photo's. The ones you mentioned - kissing, cuddling, etc - really used to make me feel physically sick with jealousy and insecurity.

 

As hazelynut has brilliantly said, everyones boundaries are different. Personally, I see this as being quite disrespectful, especially since you have now been together for 2 years. But your boyfriend probably doesn't see anything wrong in it.

 

Why don't you explain to him calmly when you're both in a relaxed space how you feel about them. He might completely understand and take them down straight away apologising. If he kicks up a massive fuss, maybe you need to have a serious chat. If you know he loves you deep down and has no feelings for this girl, there shouldn't be a problem, even if he does try to wiggle out of taking them down.

 

I can maybe understand where he's coming from. I guess it's to do with nostaliga. Some people can't bare to get rid of memories from the past. To delete a photo or throw away a gift might be like chucking away happy past memories. I do think though, if he really cares about how you feel, he will store these away in a keep sake box or get rid of them altogether.

 

After all, he is with you now and within reason, he needs to compromise.

 

Best of luck!

 

- Lolita

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  • 4 weeks later...

you should talk with your BF, but sometime I do believe we all need compromise, I have issues with my BF on this too, he think I talk too much about my exs, but I never realized that, after he told me about, I agree with him, so I need make some adjustments on that. Can I agree everything with him, no, but least I will be more careful on that, he is important to me now, I do care about his feeling…

 

The point is you need bring this up, not in confrontation way, but you need let him know how you felt. Communication is key.

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