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I just think that it's unnecessary that's all. I mean yes, in our relationship he and I posted photos of us together early on. But not that early!! We were too busy spending time together and getting to know each other and it we felt no need to emblazon it all over Facebook. It's kind of the last thing on your mind. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the next thing he posts is that he's marrying . It could happen.

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Sorry. I just really dislike this person. It's only natural. I apologise for the name calling.

 

But I still think she is more than likely of questionable morals and I think he is (for now) enjoying that. No I don't know her, but I know the circumstances of their union. And I know what goes on from living with him in his environment being amongst his social circle. There is a huge culture of 'looseness' for want of a better word. I know it happens everywhere. I'm just saying that I've been on the inside of his life and his scene, so I know what it's like in relation to him and his experience. I know what his friends are like. How they influence him. He has barely any stable models of a relationship amongst his friends or family. That is something that had always concerned me if I'm honest. He is a gorgeous person with the softest, kindest heart. And although he can be extremely stubborn, he is also easily swayed and influenced by certain people in his life.

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so you think he is with her only because she and his friends pushed him into her arms? it may feel better to think of it that way and see him as an innocent victim in all this but it is not really very realistic...but whatever helps you move on....but why not block his FB so you won't be tempted to look? i agree with others that the FB thing probably has nothing to do with you unless he now hates you, otherwise he is just simply moving on....

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but that doesn't mean we wouldn't gave been happy together. no one has any right to presume that.

 

Fair enough. I do think his leaving speaks to another side of this ... that HE wouldn't have been happy.

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so you think he is with her only because she and his friends pushed him into her arms? it may feel better to think of it that way and see him as an innocent victim in all this but it is not really very realistic...but whatever helps you move on....but why not block his FB so you won't be tempted to look? i agree with others that the FB thing probably has nothing to do with you unless he now hates you, otherwise he is just simply moving on....

 

I am not saying he is an innocent victim! He's 34 years old for goodness sake and makes his own choices. But I do think that this new 'relationship' is built on shaky ground. It's just my opinion! I could be wrong.

 

I wish I never came on to this site...

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Fair enough. I do think his leaving speaks to another side of this ... that HE wouldn't have been happy.

 

Nope I still must disagree with you there. We, he and I, would have been happy. I know things have panned out differently.

 

He got tired. He got lonely. Part of me doesn't blame him for that. But of course it still hurts.

 

The time apart is what killed it. It's double-edged because the time apart also allowed positive change too. We just didn't get the chance to try again with the renewed perspective. Timing was out.

 

But circumstances aside. I know we would have been happy.

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you can never say with certainty that you will be or would have been happy together, no one knows that for sure! sure at the start of a relationship everything is going great but it is not for nothing that soooo many people break up or end up divorced, we all have that hope at the start of a relationship, but you cannot KNOW that for sure...

i know you came here for sympathy and you have mine, break ups suck, but it is statements like that that make people go against you, you simply cannot know for sure how things in the future will ever work out!

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I'm not saying it would have been happily ever after. Of course no one can know that for sure.

But I do think that some major issues had been lifted. So there was a much clearer path for happiness. And I know if we had managed to see how that went, if we had managed to see each other again, it would have been happy. Not easy. And perhaps not even forever. Nothing can be certain to that extent. But I had let go of my negativity towards him. So my heart was heading towards a better place to move forward positively... together. Sadly timing was wrong.

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my BF suffers from depressions as well so i know a little bit of what you mean about the negative feelings and all, and that is sad indeed, but at least you yourself are doing better, you recognize it and are working on it and that is great and this will help you so much in the future...i know a relationship with someone who has depressions is difficult and in our case it worked out, he got help and is doing so much better but it was a very tough road and lots of struggles to get to where we are now....and that is not for everyone so i also do understand your ex, and how it all affected him and maybe he couldn't deal with it anymore, it is hard for the partner as well, trust me!

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Yeah I know it wouldn't have been easy on him. He really was so supportive so much of the time. I feel sad that he won't be around when I'm a better version of me. Because he deserved that. We both did. And I know from experience that whenever I felt more like myself and the fog cleared, that I was able to love him more fully. So it's a real shame.

 

You are fortunate to have made it through with your bf's struggles.

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Hello,

 

Apologies I know this is a bit late.

 

I think the best way to understand this is that he found someone who is meeting his criteria and you should do the same. It appears, despite the fact that you loved one-another so much, it was not enough of a "glue" to keep you two together. He needed something, like a geographical proximity perhaps that would give some assurance that things were working out. The relationship seemed to be defined by the idea that it would work out in the future, despite that it was not in the present. From the way you described the relationship, it sounds "epic", in fact as I read it I was rooting for it to work out. Despite the "epic love", it wasn't enough. Every relationship needs something a bit more tangible than "epic love" to graduate it to unconditional love, to the point where differences must be worked out to keep it together. For many its marriage, parental approval, geographical proximity.. you name it. There was not enough to foster the relationships future.

 

While it is true that you could have very well been very happy with him, it doesn't mean that you can't be happy with someone else. There are billions of people and so many more opportunities for "epic loves" to work out. If there is a stronger tangible glue, it will make things easier. Of course it is extremely difficult to find that connection with someone. Its so rare and unpredictable that it can start from something as silly as chat on a FB app!

 

I understand a lot of how you feel. I was in a similar situation in terms of waiting for our perfect connection to work. Sadly it went on for 4 years and didn't, he broke my heart and married someone else within a year later. It wasn't that him and I wouldn't have been happy in the future had the problem been solved, it was that he found someone he could also be happy with who didn't come with the problem. Seems like a similar thing happened in this case. I know you feel betrayed. Being in a relationship that is riding on the hopes of the future is like constantly saying "i will sacrifice now for the future" but there comes a point when someone in the relationship will decide it is too difficult to keep up with. The separation seems like one of the biggest problems in the relationship which ended up being unreconcilable, until the very end, when he found a local perspective and the chance to drop all the baggage and start again.

 

Its a harsh reality, but it happens. I was with someone super kind and I could go on and on about how we planned the future and how epic our connection was. But truth be told there was a problem that was unreconcilable until it was too late. I got burned.

 

Arranged marriages statistically work out better because there is enough glue to keep it together and foster happiness, if the couple is willing. Relationships come with this uncertainty and risk. At some point "love" just might not be enough for one party and the other will get burned.

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I'm not saying it would have been happily ever after. Of course no one can know that for sure.

But I do think that some major issues had been lifted. So there was a much clearer path for happiness. And I know if we had managed to see how that went, if we had managed to see each other again, it would have been happy. Not easy. And perhaps not even forever. Nothing can be certain to that extent. But I had let go of my negativity towards him. So my heart was heading towards a better place to move forward positively... together. Sadly timing was wrong.

 

Maybe it's just me, but he's in a relationship with another girl. It seems like he is not that into you in the same way.

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Argh just realised I can't delete my account?!

 

Anyway, I appreciate that people have their opinions. But I never asked for them. I came here to vent my heartache (I thought that's what people could do on here?). Not to have people shove their opinions in my face about it. None of you know me, or him, or our relationship. And I am not naive as to what has happened. I am just very hurt and incredibly sad. And people making judgements over the situation is NOT HELPFUL. I am trying to heal. Trying to make sense of things. I will do that in my own way and in my own time.

 

Thanks.

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Moderator Note: this is a relationship advice website - if you post here you are going to get people's opinions and they are not always going to be ones that you like. One of the reasons we do not allw account/thread deletions is to avoid people deleting opinions they don't like.

 

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