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I'd like to start by saying that there is no sob story here. I wasn't raped or abused as a kid. I have a job i don't loathe. I have a car, I'm not addicted to anything. My parents are mostly supportive and loving. I haven't had some girlfriend leave me in a traumatic way. My life is far from perfect but it's a hell of a lot better than a lot of other people's lives. Some people have had all that happen and still live their life every day with a get up and go attitude.

 

I just cant be bothered. Life is simply a bad deal. It's not worth waking up to. If i could push a button and remove myself from existence i would've pressed it 5 years ago, the time i estimate feeling like this. Suicide is attractive and i think about it regularly. I know where when and how i would do it but for some bastard reason i was born with a conscience that leaves me unable to do it. So you all say great he wont kill himself.

 

Let me tell you, there is only one feeling worse than wanting to kill yourself. And that is wanting to kill yourself and knowing you will never be able to. Knowing that you have potentially roughly 70 years left of a life you don't want to live.

 

Please don't suggest exercise, keeping yourself busy, eating right, sleeping right, counselling, anti depressants or religion.

 

I don't know why, I just always preferred the sad songs in life. What is wrong

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Ok, I won't recommend meditating then, even if it helps a lot.

 

Why don't you go somewhere else for a while? Not the next city, but another continent, like Asia. You spend some time there, it can be quite shocking, which could be a good thing in this case. Something like that happened to me when I was pretty depressed too, and it was eye-opening. What do you have to lose?

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  • 2 years later...

How are you james? How are you all?

 

People subject: "exercise, keeping yourself busy, eating right, sleeping right, counselling, do a volunteer job, anti depressants or religion" or go an watch people who is less fortunate, because this are things that has helped others. Yes, there is an important part of us, that can be help with all of that. However, there is another part, the part that put of to think "want to die" that is really strong, and just will go away if at least we go to the previous status when that idea of "want to die" came to our mind.

 

James, we all want something in life, something that could make our life different. Do you have that little thing that can keep you alive? Is something attainable?

 

Do you have a job?

Do you have family near by?

Do you have friends?

Do you have good co-workers?

Do you have a goal?

Do you have a career?

Do you have good neighbors?

Do you have a talent?

If you have at least one of this, you have more than me, I have food, a roof and insurance (I have more than others that do not have this). What I am trying to say, that sometimes we compare ourselves with the less fortunate as a mechanism of accepting our own reality, but for me, this is not a consolation, even so I am well aware that there are people who is less fortunate and need more help.

 

Others will say that a positive attitude in life is really important. And I believe they are right in that too.

 

I thanks this forum and all the people here, for keep me going, to take from me that sorrow that put me in overdrive and feed my desire to die.

 

I wish you are ok. I just realized that this is an old post.

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