My Life- Thoughts and Happenings

[luminousone]

It doesn't sound like your ex and his gf will last to me either Lum. D claims to have a strong dislike of children, but I know that in some ways he spoiled his daughter. He never wanted more though and I think that he didn't cope well with the financial responsibilities of being a husband and parent. He was responsible for his daughter, but I think resentful because he says the whole package of marriage made him feel trapped. He too had a father who wasn't there for him. I'm glad though that it sounds as though your sons are turning out well - full credit to you!

 

I meant to post earlier about the school teacher you have started to get to know. Hope you will get opportunities to get to know him more. Were you a teacher before you had your children?

 

YES, SB! My ex felt very trapped. I think that is why he has decided to only be a domestic partner with his new gf and even so he only did the minimum to qualify. Mostly so he could get health insurance through her job. The good thing is that the boys can be covered through her health insurance too - great coverage because she works for the government.

 

In some ways it seems like she is keeping him at a distance too.

 

Two peas in a pod.

 

To answer your question- I used to be a file clerk in a hospital but after some years I got bored so I went back to school. I got a masters in speech and hearing sciences- basically trained to work with people with communication disorders. I got that degree two weeks before my son was born, 18 years ago.

 

People with that profession can work in the schools or clinics or hospitals.

 

I had intended to work in my field, and in order to get licensed I would have had to do a clinical fellowship year. But when you have children things change. My son was born different and was a very challenging baby. If we ever had a baby sitter they would end up very frazzled and would not come back.

 

My son cried every hour to nurse, was lactose intolerant so I couldn't put him on formula easily, had hyper sensitive hearing and touch, and never slept through the night until teenage years.

 

He rarely napped.

 

He was not a bad kid - just full of energy and required great patience and skill to be with.

 

I had intended to put him in daycare while I did my fellowship but he would have been crucified in a daycare situation. In the end I just couldn't put him in that situation because the caregivers would have resented how demanding a child he was.

 

Also, the membership for the professional organization was several hundred dollars a year, so my then husband talked me into letting it lapse.

 

At the time he had a good job and he liked having me home with the boys. At one point I thought I would go to work and he called me selfish. So I stayed home.

 

Now that we are divorced I realized that I should have found a way to get licensed at some point- and that point was the time my ex called me selfish for wanting to go back to work. I made the choice to let myself be pushed around and I have to own that part.

 

At the time I had no idea that he would leave me a few years later.

 

Anyhow, I would have liked being a teacher but the way the economy is in our country right now, money for teachers and education has been dwindling to almost nothing. In my city, they have cut so many teaching positions that a new teacher cannot find a job. But I think there are still speech pathology jobs. So at some point I should really look into whether I can get licensed.

 

I have forgotten most of it so I would need to do refresher course work though.

 

As far as the school teacher- haven't seen him this week. I don't know, he is probably just being super nice. I think he would have pursued me if he was interested... But it is nice to dream.

[Silverbirch]

OMG Lum!!! You are a qualified speech therapist pathologist!!!!

 

Another co-incidence we share - before I had my son, I worked for several years in a large hospital as a secretary. One of the places I worked was in Medical Records Dept. (I had previously worked as a student nurse at that hospital). Anyway, when my son was in primary school, and I was by then divorced, I went back to school and completed a BA in Community Development (now called International Development). You must be very brainy as a BA was quite enough for me! Anyway, I ended up just working in the disability sector - I started doing that when I was a student to help pay my way - but I've liked it and stayed and I have been able to use some of my learning. My employer at least recognises my quals and I get a little bit extra money for that.

 

I'm very impressed about the speech therapy. Many of my current clients have had consultations with speech therapists. One has a Lite-Writer. Another girl has Retts syndrome so she gets assessed by speech paths for her swallowing.

 

Well, I wouldn't be so certain about the teacher pursuing you if he was interested. If I was a teacher in his position, I would wait until your son had finished at the school before I made any move. LOL, one of my uni lecturers, another woman stayed in touch with me after I finished my BA, and then she made a move on me. Bloooody Hell, I nearly fell off my chair. Nothing against being gay, but I wasn't expecting it and I'm so straight . . . . unfortunately sometimes.

 

I hope that you find a way to cross his path regularly when your son finishes up at that school.

[luminousone]

Well I wouldn't say I am qualified because all of my knowledge is from so long ago.

 

And I wouldn't say I am brainy, but in the US there are so many regulations to get licensed that you end up with a Masters.

 

As far as the teacher- our sons are in scouts together. My son goes to school in a different school district altogether. So there is no conflict there. But you are right- I would never date any teacher from my son's school nor would I want to be with anyone that crossed that boundary.

 

I think I am just getting light interest vibes but either he is still with his gf or the interest is not enough for him to act on it.

 

Oh well. I will just enjoy the attention when it comes my way.

 

I am really not actively pursuing anything with anyone anyway. I am far too busy and at a point in my life where I don't want to settle for any thing less than what I deserve.

[luminousone]

By the way, the file clerk job was in handling all of the X-ray files at a hospital. I made great money and benefits, and the people were really fun to work with. I loved it there but after doing it for some years I felt the need to go back to school.

 

In the end it was good timing because they have now gone through years of budget crunches and the morale there is low. I was lucky to have been there through the best times.

[Silverbirch]

Even if nothing romantic came of the friendship with the teacher, he might be a nice friend to have.

 

Might be good if you could go do the refreshers or what you need to do for the speech therapy or find something where you would have the transferable skills. I did one of my student placements in local government and there were a lot of former teachers working there because teaching gave people the transferable skills to work in local government - ie facilitating groups was a major skill required.

[luminousone]

Even if nothing romantic came of the friendship with the teacher, he might be a nice friend to have.

 

Might be good if you could go do the refreshers or what you need to do for the speech therapy or find something where you would have the transferable skills. I did one of my student placements in local government and there were a lot of former teachers working there because teaching gave people the transferable skills to work in local government - ie facilitating groups was a major skill required.

 

You are so right - next week I go to the doctor for a checkup and then the oncologist after. The meds I am taking for the breast cancer (generic Arimidex) I think is putting me in slight depression so I am going to ask for a mild antidepressant. Then I have to drive to another city a few hours away to get proper advice on what to do.

 

Hopefully it doesn't mean I have to do the whole program again! But it is a great profession and I had a great rapport with the clients when I used to do it in school. I have over 400 clinical clock hours of working with clients under my belt.

 

We'll see. But I need to take care of my health and depression first.

 

You are also right about the teacher friend- it would be nice to have a new friend either way. But I get the sense that unless I get some time with him for us to get to know one another, our "friendship" will be more like an acquaintance.

 

In terms of other men- I signed on to Match briefly just to see what is out there in my area. Most were men my age looking for women much younger and more fit than I. The only one that seemed to have some depth also wanted a very fit exercise enthusiast- something I am not!

 

And then when I was out walking with a friend on a trail through a local park, I actually encountered him running the other direction. I totally recognized him from his pictures. I was so shocked! And I immediately took my free profile down. This town is just too small for something like that- I don't want to be running into those guys randomly...

 

Years ago they had dating adds in the paper. Lol... I was trying to get a friend to stop moping so I said I would do it if she did. We both had some strange experiences but at least we got some laughs about it.

 

Oh well. I'm not really looking right now anyway because I have much work to do on myself before getting my heart entangled again.

[Silverbirch]

Just want to say Hi Lum. I'll be back to reply in the morning as I've got a headache and very tired. I'm sure the anti-depressants will help a lot.

 

Just one thing I can't go without saying - in this book, she points out a certain type of person, I am one of them, and you may be too - we are great at caring for other people, and yet we lack confidence in doing for ourselves what we can support others to doi. You have done and continue to do so much for your sons, and they are where they are because of you. You are great and can do anything you set your mind to.

[luminousone]

Thanks for the encouragement SB!!

[Seraphim]

Wow ,I had forgotten that you had breast cancer! My mother-in-law had breast cancer 16 years ago or thereabouts. Maybe 17 years ago. I believe she was on tamoxifen for like five years. Then about three years ago she had skin cancer. But all in all the old bird is doing pretty good I guess. I think she turns 80 this year.

 

Yeah ,I guess that's something that we don't often think about what other medications due to the mind. I hope that you find some relief soon though. I get situational depression when my post traumatic stress disorder symptoms are really bad like now. I also get SAD. So I take a lot of vitamin D or I cry my way through winter. Then in the spring and summer I'm happy again because I get enough sunlight. Unfortunately I cannot take any SSRI because I get severe reactions to it.

[Silverbirch]

Hi Lum,

I hope you are feeling improved today. LOL about seeing the guy from the dating site. I wonder what the actual success rate is with those sites. You hear a lot of stories about people having strange experiences. My housemate met his gf at speed-dating, and after the breakup with G when they saw me on my own so much, they told me several times how I should go to the place where they met. I never did and don't regret that.

 

A place where I did meet a lot of friendly men even though I was out with my ex G was a local venue, a historic pub which is now a restuarant which has various well-known performers and a dinner - thought it's a bit expensive. I keep meaning to go back - a friend from work in my age bracket who is happily married wants to come some time as she has one of those husbands who never wants to go anywhere. Around 2 years ago, I went and saw my teenage music idols perform and met them, and it was just fantastic. People were so friendly and we were seated at a table with other people. When I went outside for a ciggie, people came and talked to me, and also were friendly when we were lining up for photos with the performers. It isn't a very big venue and I suppose people generally go there looking pretty much their best - not formal though. Regardless of whether you meet other people, you are almost guaranteed a good night out. I'd better check out the future performances!

[luminousone]

Hi Vic, glad to hear your mom is doing well! I have heard from several others who are 15-18 year survivors.

 

I am 4 years out now. Presumably there is no longer the breast cancer in my body because I chose a mastectomy on that side. But the medication is prevention for the other side and to prevent a recurrence.

 

I am supposed to take the meds for 5 years and so I have one more year yet.

 

I am pretty lucky that I have few side effects.

 

I guess that is partly why I am not really looking for a relationship because its a little difficult to explain about the cancer, even though my prognosis is quite good.

 

SB- going to hear that's sic sounds fun, even if there were no single men there.

 

As far as the depression, I have always felt a bit slumpy but was able to function but this medication accentuates it even more.

 

I have never taken medication for that so we will see how it works put.

 

Don't worry about me though- I am not suicidal. I value life! I just am having a hard time functioning...

[Seraphim]

Yes ,my mother-in-law got a mastectomy on that side as well. She wanted them to do a double mastectomy but they would only take the one breast.

 

It is great that you are cancer free!

[luminousone]

Sounds like she is doing well, Vic. I thought they would recommend both sides but the surgeon said no and I am glad. He is pretty sure I won't get it on the other side.

[luminousone]

Today I went for a walk with a friend that just got back from her son's wedding. Heard lots of stories, and it sounds like it was a fun wedding.

 

They chose a friend to be the officiant and so the friend had to get "ordained" via the Internet. But it sounds like he took his job very seriously and did a great ceremony

 

Met with the scouts to do that class and it went well. While taking my son home to his dad's (He is there for the week), he told me he is excited about what random things his brother left when he went to college..

 

I guess he left some school supplies and a phone charger and some blank cd's. He also left some clothes but he needs to check with his brother to see if it is okay for him to have the clothes. The other stuff is fair game I say...

 

My son also talked about his school and his frustrations about his schoolwork. They changed the daily schedule and now work is assigned to them to get done in class, but he is not given enough time in class to complete the work. And it is not work he can take home to do because it involves work with equipment or with a computer program at school.

 

I told him to talk with his teacher about it. My guess is that if my son can't get his work done then they all are having problems with it. Because my son is an organized student with his schoolwork (unlike his older brother...)

 

I told him to talk very respectfully with his teacher and see what the teacher suggests.

 

Sounds like the teacher needs to adjust the schedule or something.

 

Can't remember if I already posted this, but my older son called the college health clinic and they basically told him to make an appointment with a primary care physician in town because they are swamped. Now he has to call his pediatrician to see what they recommend, since he is too old to go there now. Gah. On the good side it sounds like his depression is resolved for the time being - probably from the excitement of being at the university for the first time.

[luminousone]

Oh my goodness- my older son sent me a text last night with an ingredient list from a recipe. He wanted to know if I could bring baking supplies to his dorm because they wanted to bake cookies. He did say it was okay if I said no, and then he would go to the store to buy the supplies.

 

I thought about it and decided to bring over some supplies because I wanted to get his passport back from him anyway-plus I had never gotten a chance to see his room put together. So I drove over some flour and sugar and eggs, etc. He did have to go buy some vanilla and chocolate chips.

 

They were going to make pumpkin chocolate chip cookies... Yumm!

 

I told him this was the last time I would do that and he is on his own to gather such supplies. I am sure he will do more baking through the year.

 

While dropping the stuff off I saw my son's girlfriend walking on campus with another girl, so I said hi to her. She was a bit nervous talking to me and she usually never is, so I wondered what was up.

 

Turns out my son and she broke up. Awww... Hope they're both fine. I guess that would be expected for freshmen. But they were so close and she was so good to my son... I really hope he treated her right.

 

Anyhow, when I dropped off the stuff, he was having fun baking those cookies with a bunch of girls, lol...

 

My younger son is still excited about the treasures his brother left when he left for school. Phone chargers, t shirts, pens, spare change...so funny!

 

Today I drove out to a scout event where the scouts were camping out for the weekend. Since it was close to town, I chose to just go out for the day. I ran into my son's former Sunday school teacher and her kids there! She was shocked at how my boys have grown and now she has 3 boys of her own. It was so good to see her.

 

My mom called me (at 6:30 am) to ask if I can host my sister for Thanksgiving. My sister has schizophrenia, but will hopefully be on her medication while she is here so we can actually have a great visit. She lives in the Midwest and it has been years since she was out this way.

 

I think she is going to be very excited to come!

 

I spoke with my 13 year old about it and he said it would be fine. My boys have seen her in full blown episodes and it is not pretty. But they are so kind to her and do not seem to be phased by her behavior. I'm so proud of how patient and tolerant they are of her.

 

Two Christmases ago she was apparently not on her medication and she thought she was getting phone calls from Robin Williams. It was bizarre. Last December I was so happy to find that she was doing so well and on meds and able to relate to her family. We had a great visit.

 

My nephew might come up from LA, since he just moved there for a job. He has never been here either.

[Silverbirch]

What an exciting time for you all! You are so busy, busy, busy!!

 

Lum, I had 2 friends with schizophrenia, one of them, quite close and I knew her for a long time. I NEVER saw her when she was unstable because she just used to go into hospital, and they would change her meds. I asked her once if she wanted me to visit her in the hospital when she became unstable, and she said no because she probably wouldn't know me and there would be nothing I could do. She came to get an idea herself when she was becoming unstable - she would start to think "They are coming to get me and take me away."

 

Your boys sound lovely. You have good reason to be proud of them.

[luminousone]

Yesterday was such a glorious fall day here, and the leaves are just beginning to turn. For once we had sunny skies and fall-like temperatures.

 

I was sorry I couldn't get out in it but I had church and then had to do some errands for my former inlaws who both had surgery on the same day last week. Then on to one meeting and another meeting last night.

 

I got home at 9 and was expecting my son to have been dropped off at 7 while I was gone, but the house was dark when I got there. Turns out my son was already in bed at 9!

 

Later he came out to tell me he had a whopper headache. He and his dad had gone to a new Thai restaurant, and I bet they put MSG in their food.

 

This morning I woke up with a headache too, so hopefully it is not a virus.

 

My son got himself up to take the bus to school so I went back to sleep, only to receive a robo-call from my son's school at 7:15 am reminding everyone to get to school on time. Seriously annoying! Someone must have thought it would be a great idea- NOT!

 

I bet they will get a lot of complaints about that...

 

My ex's move is scheduled for Wednesday so my younger son brought a bunch of stuff from his dad's to keep at my place. He also brought a big box of clothes that were too small and I sorted through them to give them to our church for their charity room.

 

But the clothes were smelly and dirty! Sheesh! They have been sitting around dirty for some time because they are way too small for my son. Really disgusting.

 

Anyway they are all clean now and I have three garbage bags full of clothes to donate.

 

Sunday school went well- not all of the kids were there but I am hoping they will be there next week. We have started studying the Old Testament. They are such great kids.

 

I have much cleaning to do this week as I will have company from out of town here next week. I hope to paint the bathroom soon.

[luminousone]

I forgot to say that I heard that a former coworker of my ex was murdered this weekend. She was a really nice lady and she sold some camera equipment to my then husband after her husband died. This was 20 years ago.

 

Her husband had had a darkroom and he had died two years earlier but she was so grief stricken that she couldn't bring herself to go in there. So my husband and I spent a few days going through everything for her, boxing up darkroom supplies, things to donate, and things we wanted to buy.

 

We also put together boxes of family pictures for her- she had told us to dump everything but we knew she would want those things.

 

In the end she was going to give us very valuable camera equipment to us for free but we paid her anyway.

 

I emailed a news link to my ex this morning about her death. The news didn't say what happened but they do have someone in custody.

 

My ex was shocked and said she was a really nice lady.

 

I think he worked with her for 10 years.

 

I hope her spirit is with her beloved husband now, and I hope there is justice for her death.

[Silverbirch]

That is so terrible to hear of that lady Lum. So sorry for her family and loved ones.

[luminousone]

Went for a walk with a friend and her dog. Her dog was so excited to see me because she knows it means we are going for a walk. I thought it was going to rain but the sun peeked out and it was rather nice.

 

When I got home I was so tired that I didn't get much fine, so I'll have to clean extra tomorrow.

[Silverbirch]

That's very cute!

[luminousone]

My younger son has been so good at school and scouts. And even at home lately.

 

But tonight he put up such a fuss when I told him to turn off the computer and go to bed. Such a stinker and so rude to me!!! Now he has lost all electronic privileges for the next few days.

 

Teenagers--- aargh!

[Silverbirch]

So glad that part of parenting is over for me though am hoping that ONE day, I will be a granma and will spoil them.

[luminousone]

Well, I took my son to the Human Sexuality class. He was a bit nervous and asked me if he could quit if he feels out of place. I told him I want him to try it for a few weeks and then we will discuss. I was nervous for him because I knew he didn't know anyone else there except for one boy.

 

Oh, and it was my turn to bring snacks - they wanted me to bring crackers and fruit but I took apple slices, bagels, and cheese sticks. I decided to stay away from bananas lol- I know they use bananas for condom practice with the high school students but these are middle schoolers. But I stayed away from them just in case.

 

When he came out at the end of the class the minister and the teacher told me they were so glad he is in the class! They were so complimentary of his participation and leadership skills! Yes!

 

I keep hearing things like that from school and scouts and church.

 

I have to trust that when he is belligerent and obstinate with me at home that he really is a great kid but is simply testing the limits here.

 

He was much more respectful tonight when I told him ahead of time when computer and electronics had to be turned off and when he has lights out. No arguments tonight!

 

Okay, so my older son texted me to see if I could bring my truck so he could move a couch to his dorm room. I had just enough time to do that before my other son's class and I had to go to a meeting.

 

Their dad was busy moving in with his girlfriend today and he was getting rid of an old couch. So my son wanted it.

 

It used to be a real nice cream colored couch and he had a cover over it. When my son pulled the cover off it was so filthy dirty that my son said he didn't even want to touch it. Yuck! His dad apparently doesn't clean...

 

Well in the end he decided to take it anyway but he said he is going to be embarrassed for his buddies to see it. He is going to look for a new cover for it tomorrow at bed bath and beyond...

 

He told me he likes his new job and they are training him right now. He also had run into people he already knows at the school there so that is nice- a few he went to grade school and middle school with.

 

I guess his roommate is a music major and he said the musicians come into his room and have jam sessions. My son does not play any instrument but he has musical talent - at least he used to when he was little. I told him he is not too old to take up an instrument.

 

I used to have musical housemates and it can be a lot of fun. One used to be in the symphony so i loved hearing her practice every day. The other used to play early renaissance music plus he also played Celtic and American folk music. We always had the best parties.

 

So it was good to touch base with Son 1 and to have better behavior from Son 2.

 

I was supposed to go for my physical today but my doctor broke her ankle so I have to wait til the end of the month. In some ways that's good because I have no money left after paying my bills. And my new co-pay amount is $50. So I will hopefully have more money by then...

 

It was a beautiful fall day here today- cool in the 50's but sunshiny with white puffy clouds and brilliant red and orange and yellow fall leaves on the trees. So pretty!.

[Silverbirch]

Good that your sons are doing well Lum. That is a shame about the sofa. I have had my own steam-cleaner for years and have lent it too people and it works well. I have leather lounges here - but they are cream colored and unfortunately, I didn't moisturise them enough so in some parts they look a bit peely. Actually, they were in perfect condition until I moved in with G and his 2 teenagers. I should have left them in the garage as the kids were constantly eating on it and got ink on it. I'm not sure if they could have used harsh detergent on it or what has really happened to it, but I will keep it for a while yet as it's quite practical. If I knew about DIY leather restoration, one day, I would give it a go.

 

Oh yes, I like autumn and the color.

 

My Mum just rang me while I was typing this and we had a nice chat. It was great as always to speak with her, and she sounds well.