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DAKOTA and I didn't hang out this past weekend as discussed; she wanted to take an out-of-town trip and I just wanted to do a 2-4 hour local hike. Not COVID-safe to do more than that.

 

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I got back on OKC and messaged about a dozen women over the past two days, including one with whom I had fun texting 4 years ago but who canceled our first meetup because an "old boyfriend" had popped up. She replied that she didn't remember me, I explained who I was, and she didn't reply. And neither have any of the other OKC women.

 

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I hung out with my main band's drummer at his nice house with wife & 2 kids this past weekend. We recorded me playing some temporary guitar & bass tracks for him to use as a guide for his drum tracks he'll record later, then we had lunch with his family in the backyard. We did it COVID-safe and was nice to socialize a bit. As for the recording, our guitarist moved out of town in March, but after asking him about recording a few weeks ago via text, he's stoked to record his guitar parts when we send him something.

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SHANDA arrived early last night, we took a walk around my neighborhood with no balking about the hilly terrain. Ten minutes in, she took my arm and held my hand. I gave her a kiss on a scenic overlook

SHANDA came over on Friday night and left today (Sunday 5pm) and we had a good time. I cooked a lot, we did a short hike, talked a lot, and watched some movies I recommended (and she liked). Plus, sex

This past Sunday and Monday nights, SHANDA called *me* just to chat and we talked for an hour each night. Just small talk, but fun. We're also texting regularly, though she's quite busy as an attorney

Well, well, well... I got a text from SHANDA last night:

 

"If I asked you out on a date would you go out with me? I handle rejection better over text which is why I am texting you versus calling.

 

So just now, I opened a box of cookies and I was reading the ingredients. I reflexively wondered if I could share the cookies with you (that is, whether they were vegan). That's a sign right? (monocle guy emoji)

 

(The cookies are delicious by the way but they have butter)"

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No details, nor would I expect any. I shared the entirety of her text.

 

But I just replied in a friendly manner, telling her I'd be happy to see her again if there was a possible romantic implication and we both shared recent COVID test results before meeting up.

 

In other words, I reiterated the exact same position I outlined to her two weeks ago.

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SHANDA just replied with a blushing smile emoji, saying she's busy with work but would like to chat tonight.

 

So I'll let her drive the bus... but if ain't going to my preferred destination, I'll be pulling the cord and getting off at the next stop!

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Just talked to SHANDA for under an hour, and long story short, she's interested in me romantically and though she doesn't want to go through the hassle of a COVID test (since we're both adhering to masks/distancing/stay-at-home measures, she feels it's redundant; I do not) she'll do it at least this time.

 

Phone call felt very comfortable, we laughed a lot, and overall seems like a good portent of things to come.

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We ended our Friday night phone chat by leaving it up to her to plan our next outing (tentatively next weekend) and where/when she could get a COVID test.

 

Right after I hung up, she texted that she couldn't make an appointment on the websites for the centers near her, but she found a vegan spot that would satisfy her preference for getting coffee & a pastry when we get together.

 

The next morning I texted thanks for finding a vegan option, later sent a cat pic, and made a joke about thinking of her because I saw a shingles vaccine commercial (she had urged me to get it because her dad has shingles).

 

She "liked" the first and third texts, ignored the cat pic, and asked me if I'd gotten the vaccine. I replied "No, but if you play your cards right I might! ;) ", which she also "liked."

 

That was the extent of our conversations yesterday.

 

Then this morning while on my daily walk around the lake I gave her a call, she didn't pick up, so I left her a vm. No response yet, but that was only an hour ago.

 

Just noting her communication patterns for future analysis here.

 

But depending on how things go, it may be worth noting that she hasn't given any details for our next meetup yet.

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We ended our Friday night phone chat by leaving it up to her to plan our next outing (tentatively next weekend) and where/when she could get a COVID test.

 

Right after I hung up, she texted that she couldn't make an appointment on the websites for the centers near her, but she found a vegan spot that would satisfy her preference for getting coffee & a pastry when we get together.

 

The next morning I texted thanks for finding a vegan option, later sent a cat pic, and made a joke about thinking of her because I saw a shingles vaccine commercial (she had urged me to get it because her dad has shingles).

 

She "liked" the first and third texts, ignored the cat pic, and asked me if I'd gotten the vaccine. I replied "No, but if you play your cards right I might! ;) ", which she also "liked."

 

That was the extent of our conversations yesterday.

 

Then this morning while on my daily walk around the lake I gave her a call, she didn't pick up, so I left her a vm. No response yet, but that was only an hour ago.

 

Just noting her communication patterns for future analysis here.

 

But depending on how things go, it may be worth noting that she hasn't given any details for our next meetup yet.

 

In my state, the urgent care clinics give walk in tests and some chain pharmacies do also. It may be different where you are, but i would look into those options. But sometimes you have to have symptoms to get one. If she has no symptoms, I totally get why she is low priority. If you guys both have not been exposed to anyone -- could you quarantine for 10 days and call it good if you can't get a test?

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This past Sunday and Monday nights, SHANDA called *me* just to chat and we talked for an hour each night. Just small talk, but fun. We're also texting regularly, though she's quite busy as an attorney so she may not answer a morning text until evening. 

We're going to meet for vegan pastry & tea/coffee this Saturday at 10am, and hopefully we'll do something afterwards too.

She tried to schedule a COVID test this week but couldn't get an appointment until the Monday after our upcoming date on Sat. I just got a walkup COVID test today in my hood, only took 25 minutes. Separately, SHANDA and I thought about us going to that location together for tests, but it's not open on the weekend and because of work she wouldn't be able to go there during the week. No biggie. 

Overall, things feel good with her.

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SHANDA met me at the vegan pastry shop today, then we drove separately to a picturesque nearby cemetery to walk and picnic. While we were walking around after eating, I asked to hold her hand and she accepted, then after she put her coat in the car I briefly massaged her shoulders and put my arm around her.

I can't say that she was particularly responsive, but she surely didn't mind! Plus her witty observations about tombstones and mausoleum inscriptions made me laugh, and I told her that her sense of humor had an audience in me.

We wrapped things up after about 3.5 hours, and before we parted, agreed to meet up next Saturday or Sunday. 

Turns out that has to get another COVID test for a personal health checkup in a week or so, but she agreed to keep her appointment this coming Monday so she'd be clear for next weekend.

About an hour after the date, I texted her a news item, she replied, and sent me a link to something else that we discussed on the meetup. 

So finally things are escalating physically, being in regular contact and making regular plans. Slowly, but still escalating. Works for me.
 

Edited by NorthDallas40
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The other day I suggested to SHANDA that we have a pizza & movie night at one of our homes once she got her COVID test result.

So last night she reported it came back negative and decided to come over to my place since she has a roommate. I don't recall if she had told me about her roommate before, but I believe she owns her home. Works for me, as long as my blu-ray and vinyl collections don't scare her off!

Needless to say, this has been housecleaning week :D

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For the past 3 days, SHANDA's texts have been fewer, infrequent, late in responding, short, and often failing to answer direct questions, which has me a bit puzzled.

On Thursday she asked if rather than coming over today (Sat) she could come over a day early on Friday (yesterday). I declined because I needed to clean my place and this was fine with her, but she didn't explain why she requested the rescheduling.

And in planning for tonight, I asked what time she'd like to eat, she replied 6pm, I offered that she arrive at 4pm so we could play a board game or take a short walk beforehand, but she declined saying she'd "be doing stuff at home at that time," which wasn't encouraging.

Granted, she told me weeks ago that Dec/Jan is going to be busy for her because a coworker left and those duties have been handed off to her with no help; she typically has been working 8am-9pm since I met her, plus time on Sundays.

And of course Xmas is next week and she has 2 siblings with kids and both parents locally to think of, while I only have my mom who lives many states away. So the lack of communication could be understandable given her potentially busy schedule. And after all she's still coming over tonight, and even tried to do it sooner.

Still, I'm still a tiny bit anxious and unsure about how she feels, even moreso because I don't know how she'll react to my movie/vinyl collection 😮

Luckily, even if she drops me like a hot potato after tonight... my apartment will still be spic & span!

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SHANDA came over, we chatted a bit, got a pizza, came back to my place, she selected a movie from a few I picked out for her, and I asked if I could give her a kiss before it started.

She said "uhhhmmm," I told her I took that as a "no," we had fun watching the movie (she commented quite frequently; it was THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN and as a science undergrad she liked it a lot), and as soon as the movie was over she said "well I guess I better get going!" 

We hugged, she left, and I'm not going to contact her further unless she does it first. I suppose my apartment library scared her off after all, or she had already made up her mind about me a few days ago, as I suspected.

Oh well, at least my place is clean now. 

Edited by NorthDallas40
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To me, it sounds like she came back to feed her ego. Perhaps she had had a disappointment by someone else she was dating?

All this reminds me of a friend of mine. She was dating someone, he left her, she met him a couple of months later and ignored him and then he started texting and emailing until they started dating again....and then he left her again. Some people are like that.

Anyway, I agree that you should leave it up to her to contact you. It seems like she doesn't know what she wants.

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Maybe it's just me, but I see a woman who is trying to get to know a man on a level that makes him more than just a sex object. Personally, I relate to that. If I can't be friends with a man, there's no way I can have a meaningful relationship with him.

NorthDallas40, what do you have on your dating profile? Do you advertise as looking for a long term relationship?

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THINGS ARE TOUGH ALL OVER DEPT:

On my walk around the lake today, I overheard a girl talking to her friend:

"And when I touched him, he just totally backed away! Like, thanks a lot. Then when we got to his place, he walked in right front of me, ran over to his dog and was all like "oh I missed you soooo much!"

Like, wow, you totally just rejected me and now you're acting like this... to your dog!"
 

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SHANDA just texted:

"Hey... Thanks for being super thoughtful yesterday... I think I left the wrong impression and hurt your feelings when I rushed out. I was really tired, stressed out and emotional this week (and still am). And then anxious about curfew!!! I didn’t want to postpone because I wanted to see you but now in hindsight maybe that would have been the better call."

But last night she mentioned nothing about being "tired, stressed out and emotional,"
 even though I asked her how her week was. She only said that her work was same as usual, and gave me a good anecdote about it.

I want to be understanding/patient, but I can't help but feel this is another stalling tactic (or runaround), just with a different face than the times before.


 

Edited by NorthDallas40
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1 hour ago, NorthDallas40 said:

SHANDA just texted:

"Hey... Thanks for being super thoughtful yesterday... I think I left the wrong impression and hurt your feelings when I rushed out. I was really tired, stressed out and emotional this week (and still am). And then anxious about curfew!!! I didn’t want to postpone because I wanted to see you but now in hindsight maybe that would have been the better call."

But last night she mentioned nothing about being "tired, stressed out and emotional,"
 even though I asked her how her week was. She only said that her work was same as usual, and gave me a good anecdote about it.

I want to be understanding/patient, but I can't help but feel this is another stalling tactic (or runaround), just with a different face than the times before.


 

Seems -at best- flaky and thoughtless of your feelings.

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I just texted her:

"Sorry to hear about your week - I hope things look up. 
And yep, the impression I got was that was our last date, s
o I’ll let you clarify further - or not - when you’re feeling better."

Edited by NorthDallas40
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1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Seems -at best- flaky and thoughtless of your feelings.

I don't know. I've been in situations like that, where I felt sort of cornered, stayed to be polite, and then left as quickly as possible. And I did feel guilty about the awkwardness because I'm not a monster. I don't like making people feel bad.

I once posted about that guilt on an internet forum and and I actually (hilariously) got chastised by people for (apparently) being a tease?! How dare I think that a guy might actually be interested in getting to know me as a person! Apparently, by showing up at his house, I should be DTF or something like that. What an uppity b*tch I was to presume that I could be viewed as anything but. 

It was soooo 1950s.

That's why I'm asking NorthDallas40 (again): What do you put on your dating profile? Do you say you're looking for a long term relationship? 

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4 hours ago, Jibralta said:

What do you put on your dating profile? Do you say you're looking for a long term relationship? 

LTR is the only kind I specify.

SHANDA replied soon after my last text, apologizing for the confusion, saying she needed to be more open with her feelings with me, and definitely wanted to see me again "if I would have her."

I said I would, on the condition "we could move out of PlatonicLand," and also said that I wanted to know her feelings, good or bad. She "loved" the comment.

She also explained why she was being weird. On Wednesday I had made a joking "Geez Louse" comment about her walk route preferences (she was being a little picky but not difficult, and I genuinely meant no offense), and since she a) wasn't sure I was joking, and b) was already emotional that week, she got upset. She said she should have said something to me then, and knew she was being irrational, but also got upset with herself for being upset.

Basically she seemed sensitive yet conflict-avoidant, but also self-aware of those things.

In any case, I apologized and assured her I wasn't trying to be mean, just playful. 

After I sent her a funny picture, we chatted a bit, she said she felt better about telling me what the issue was, and we decided to spend Xmas Eve (night only) together. Doubt she'll sleep over, but she's also free the day after Xmas, so that may happen too. 

 

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