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Been texting with SHANDA since last post, then tonight she actually asked to chat on the phone.

 

I thought it was to give me the heave-ho, but nope, she just wanted to small talk and make plans. We're meeting for an urban hike this coming Sat at 9am (we mutually decided early).

 

Sounds like her other CMB dates haven't panned out :D

 

But whatever the reason, it feels like she's making the effort this time which is good.

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SHANDA arrived early last night, we took a walk around my neighborhood with no balking about the hilly terrain. Ten minutes in, she took my arm and held my hand. I gave her a kiss on a scenic overlook

SHANDA came over on Friday night and left today (Sunday 5pm) and we had a good time. I cooked a lot, we did a short hike, talked a lot, and watched some movies I recommended (and she liked). Plus, sex

This past Sunday and Monday nights, SHANDA called *me* just to chat and we talked for an hour each night. Just small talk, but fun. We're also texting regularly, though she's quite busy as an attorney

Our plan of walking the city and looking at architecture (her idea) this past Sat AM had to be scuttled because of rain, but SHANDA immediately rescheduled for that afternoon for us to meet in basically the same park as our first 2 meetups (her idea again).

 

We celebrated Sat's election results with sparkling white wine and snacks at a picnic table and just chitchatted for the usual 90 minutes til it got dark and cold. I walked her to her car and after she said something about an activity we could do "next time," that's when I laid it all out.

 

To sum up, I told her I hoped there'd be a next time, that I was interested in her, and would have kissed her by now if it weren't for COVID. When I asked if a kiss attempt would have been well-received, she smiled bashfully and said yes. So I again reiterated that I didn't want to pressure her in any way about kissing or sex, but if we both got COVID tests, we could at least hold hands. She agreed, but admitted she had an irrational "mental block" about being tested. I didn't push the issue further, other than to say "Well, I'm probably going to bug you about it!"

 

I also asked if she preferred texting or phone, and she said liked both, and we also agreed that weekend meetups were generally better for us but that weeknights could be doable too.

 

Later that evening, she texted me, unprompted, to say she had started watching a movie I had mentioned on our meetup. So we texted a bit more that evening, then more yesterday too.

 

So overall I feel ok about things with SHANDA; she knows my romantic interest is there, and she still wants to see me and communicate with me, even if the training wheels are still on.

 

I can't figure out what's really going on with this COVID test "mental block" stuff, but again, I'm in no rush. She knows how I feel. It's up to her to meet me halfway when and if she likes.

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Our plan of walking the city and looking at architecture (her idea) this past Sat AM had to be scuttled because of rain, but SHANDA immediately rescheduled for that afternoon for us to meet in basically the same park as our first 2 meetups (her idea again).

 

We celebrated Sat's election results with sparkling white wine and snacks at a picnic table and just chitchatted for the usual 90 minutes til it got dark and cold. I walked her to her car and after she said something about an activity we could do "next time," that's when I laid it all out.

 

To sum up, I told her I hoped there'd be a next time, that I was interested in her, and would have kissed her by now if it weren't for COVID. When I asked if a kiss attempt would have been well-received, she smiled bashfully and said yes. So I again reiterated that I didn't want to pressure her in any way about kissing or sex, but if we both got COVID tests, we could at least hold hands. She agreed, but admitted she had an irrational "mental block" about being tested. I didn't push the issue further, other than to say "Well, I'm probably going to bug you about it!"

 

I also asked if she preferred texting or phone, and she said liked both, and we also agreed that weekend meetups were generally better for us but that weeknights could be doable too.

 

Later that evening, she texted me, unprompted, to say she had started watching a movie I had mentioned on our meetup. So we texted a bit more that evening, then more yesterday too.

 

So overall I feel ok about things with SHANDA; she knows my romantic interest is there, and she still wants to see me and communicate with me, even if the training wheels are still on.

 

I can't figure out what's really going on with this COVID test "mental block" stuff, but again, I'm in no rush. She knows how I feel. It's up to her to meet me halfway when and if she likes.

 

 

Well... I have been tested and I will take another tetanus shot with an elephant sized needle before i would willfully volunteer to take a Covid test (obviously if i had symptoms I would take one out of love of the people I want to actually see on occasion) . People hear a lot of other people tell them about how unpleasant it is, and it all gets built up in the mind. And some people are afraid of the result. I'd leave it rest for the next date and see what she does.

 

 

That's great that she is returning the interest -- this is an exercise in patience for you that very well could pay off!

 

BTW, it might be a better strategy for you to get a test regardless and let her know the results and get one again if she waits 3 weeks to get one -- sometimes its about someone going first

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Lurking here for awhile now and I've been pulling for you ND :D Hope this one works out

 

Also I've taken the test twice and the first time was the hardest. Just like abit, your mind gets all worked up about it. But its quick and that's the best thing about it.

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Regarding the COVID test, I've taken it twice, one of them after I met SHANDA. It was a 60-second swab test. Absolutely zero reason for apprehension about it.

 

As for SHANDA, we've been texting all this week and we agreed to meet this Sunday. On Wednesday night I said something about her being "mysterious," which prompted her to get excited and want to know why. I told her I might call her the next night to discuss, in my mind just to have a phone chat instead of keeping things on text.

 

But when I called her Thursday night, she didn't pick up. Though she did respond when I texted.

 

I didn't contact her at all yesterday, just to see if she'd reach out, and she didn't.

 

So I texted her this morning with a concrete plan for tomorrow (the elements of which she'd mostly approved, just the timing hadn't been settled), but even though she typically responds within the hour, it's been 4 hours and nothing.

 

My guess is that she's currently thinking of an alternate plan, since she's altered/rejected almost every plan I've suggested for our 5 past dates in favor of her own choices.

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SHANDA and I had our longest, and for me, the most fun date so far. We spent a total of 4.5 hours playing Scrabble in the park, then driving separately to a banh mi spot that had outdoor seating. Conversation never wavered, she seemed genuinely interested and engaged in the Scrabble game, we clearly shared a lot of the same views in terms of temperament & respect in common situations, and I think she liked my sense of humor too.

 

But as usual, when I walked her to her car and said I'd like to see her again and I hoped that the needle had moved somewhat in terms of her getting a COVID test, she just kind of smiled (at least I think she smiled; she was wearing a mask) and nodded without saying yes or adding any specific affirmation about what I was requesting.

 

So we could totally be on track for platonic date #7, or she might text me tomorrow and say sayonara. Who knows. At least today I had a really fun afternoon.

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I texted SHANDA this morning to tell her I really had fun with her yesterday, and asked if she would be interested in getting together this coming Sunday.

 

8+ hours later, no reply.

 

On the other hand, DAKOTA and I plan to go on a hike this coming Saturday.

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SHANDA responded about 12 hours after my text this morning with a joke and saying that maybe we shouldn't meet because Thanksgiving is coming up and she was going to see her family.

 

That sounded like a massive brush-off, so I replied that I wanted to see her 4 days before Thanksgiving so I didn't see the conflict. Then basically told her that I wanted to keep seeing her, but if she didn't want to see me, she could be honest and not beat around the bush.

 

So a few hours later (just now)... she didn't beat around the bush! After some ya-ya about work being busy for her in December and not limiting her exposure to other people before the holidays for the sake of her parents (yeah, all the sudden SHE'S the "risk-averse" one, imagine that), she said she enjoyed seeing me but didn't see it working out long term.

 

EPILOGUE: As usual, "if there's a doubt, there's no doubt."

 

-----

 

On the other hand, DAKOTA just messaged me "hiralious" (sic) because I sent her this video earlier:

 

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I think her response was mostly consistent with her past responses - I think at times she seemed enthusiastic about seeing you and mostly she didn't even with the whole covid pall. She knew her parents were coming the last time she saw you so she would have told you so you two could plan a way to meet before (meaning, your suggested plan or similar). I'm sorry this ran out of steam and I'm glad she was honest.

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Some call it "a process."

 

Others call it "knowing after the first date that you're 100% not romantically interested, but you still go on five more dates without revealing this fact because you're bored, lonely and don't want to pass the time alone."

 

Tomato, tomahto.

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I’m a slow-decider, too. For me, a few dates that come to nothing is better than making a fast decision and then having to end things months down the road. But I’ve always approached dating as a search for a long term partner. I’ve never really been interested in casual sex, or Mr. Rightnow.

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I’m a slow-decider, too. For me, a few dates that come to nothing is better than making a fast decision and then having to end things months down the road. But I’ve always approached dating as a search for a long term partner. I’ve never really been interested in casual sex, or Mr. Rightnow.

 

Yes. I remember meeting a really happily married lady at a wedding many years ago who said it really took her the better part of 4 dates to know that she was into her future husband -and then boy was she into him. I also needed a few dates to warm up/feel the spark or potential for one. And times I felt a strong one on date one it burnt out very fast. Very individual "process".

 

In the OP's case I think it was more obvious than not that she wasn't "that" into him - there seemed to be some ebbs and flows in her interest level but mostly ebbs IMO.

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In the OP's case I think it was more obvious than not that she wasn't "that" into him - there seemed to be some ebbs and flows in her interest level but mostly ebbs IMO.

 

I don't know. I was always pretty slow when it came to boyfriends. First, I needed to know that we could have a friendship, that we liked each other as people, and that the attraction wasn't just sexual. Second, in the multi-dating circumstance, if one relationship started to gain traction, I had to be able to pump the brakes on the other. I never wanted to be in a situation where I had more than one physically intimate relationship.

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I don't know. I was always pretty slow when it came to boyfriends. First, I needed to know that we could have a friendship, that we liked each other as people, and that the attraction wasn't just sexual. Second, in the multi-dating circumstance, if one relationship started to gain traction, I had to be able to pump the brakes on the other. I never wanted to be in a situation where I had more than one physically intimate relationship.

 

Oh so to me I never went for the "friends first" - to me that just gave a negative connotation to romance. I liked getting to know the person through dating and without separating out "know as a person" or "friendship" from romantic chemistry. I never had sex or got sexual right away but I trusted that the person wanted to get to know me in all ways - I didn't need to test that it was only sexual attraction because to me it couldn't and shouldn't be separated from getting to know each other. When someone said "friends first' I assumed it was from a place of being burned in the past and a negative view of romance.

 

I also multi-dated for the same reasons. I sometimes had two people I was "hooking up" with but not having sex with with maybe one exception which was way too complicated. I had no problem kissing more than one person I was dating early on. But getting back to the OP what this means to me is she was on the fence about him to some extent but only to some extent - a very limited extent. And I bet if it hadn't been a covid situation she might not have seen him as many times because she wouldn't have wanted to get physically intimate on his preferred timetable.

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And I bet if it hadn't been a covid situation she might not have seen him as many times because she wouldn't have wanted to get physically intimate on his preferred timetable.

 

Interesting theory... and definitely possible!

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This morning I had texted SHANDA thanking her for her candor and wishing her happy Thanksgiving.

 

Tonight she sent me a lengthy text asking if she shouldn't text me, if it would be weird if we hung out, that maybe she shouldn't text me when she's tired like now and last night, and telling me she sincerely had fun with me.

 

I replied "Oh, only my girlfriend gets unlimited texts and activity partner service ;) "

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SHANDA replied "You're funny" this morning... then two hours later texted a proposal that we have limited texting, one activity per month, and she'd also send me funny news/meme items along the way.

 

I replied "Sorry, it's an all or nothing deal ;)"

 

-----

 

DAKOTA also canceled our hike outing for this Saturday due to her having to study for esthetician exam, which is fine with me; we'll link up again.

 

-----

 

In the meantime, I got two CMB matches: a slim, pleasant-looking 42-yo Japanese wholistic healer, and a sexy and bubbly 51-yo unemployed Taiwanese woman with huge breast implants. Neither are really my type, but I messaged the former and she replied so will see how it goes.

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Just got off the phone with REI (42, 5'2", Japanese holistic healer) and though I liked her voice and demeanor, we have two massive incompatibility problems. First, she's a reiki healer... and I think reiki is bunk. Secondly, she doesn't care about movies and doesn't watch TV either, so that would be a big issue just for our alone time. Especially since she doesn't like to be in the sun or hot weather, so hikes are kinda out too! She also has a 6-yo daughter and 10-yo son, so her time seems limited, as well. We talked for 30 minutes and it was pleasant, but I didn't ask her out and I don't plan on contacting her again.

 

------

 

And for those who were wondering how long it would be before SHANDA texted me again after I said I didn't want to text unless we were romantically involved: 36 hours. While I was on the phone with REI, she texted me a tap-dancing tutorial (her nieces are doing tap, so she does it for fun as well)... then texted that she meant to send it to someone else because she knew I "don't subscribe to SHANDA news." I'm not going to reply, but I have a feeling I'll get another "accidental" or intentional-but-only-fluff text again sometime soon.

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SETTLING FOR SHANDA'S SCRAPS

 

I never saw that 90s Ethan Hawke/Uma Thurman indie flick. Any fans?

 

Love Ethan Hawke -did you see his before sunrise trilogy (or wait was it only two movies?). I used to be told I looked like Uma LOL. Yes, great movie title -feel free to appropriate or use with your band, etc.

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