anotherperson Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 Hi I have been going out with my current partner for the past 6 months and I love her dearly. We're both in our early 20s (with a 4 year age gap). She's a very attractive girl, and came out of a 4 year relationship the day before she started going out with me. Her last boyfriend cheated on her, but this only came out after they had broken up (about 2 weeks). She ended it with him because she and I had been friends for many months and we both really had feelings for eachother. Also he treated her very badly (apart from cheating). Instead of cheating on him, she broke off with him. She says that she would never cheat, even though every single time I've been with her in clubs, she gets hit on. She either pushes them away, or points at me. Thankfully there has never been trouble with guys not accepting the fact that she is already taken. However when she has a lot of drink in her, she can act rather inappropriately, in that she attracts attention to herself, and loves getting attention. We've been so close for the past 6 months, spending every spare minute of time we have with eachother. We work in the same place, so get to go to lunch together, go to work, go home from work together. We don't live together, but very nearby eachother. We socialise with eachother friends, and our friends very rarely see us alone. My girlfriends friends also work with us so they're around most of the time too, but only see my girlfriend on her own in a work context. That's the background info, so here is the problem... This evening one of my girlfriends friends rang my girlfriend while we were shopping demanding to speak with her. I walked my girlfriend to meet her friend, and she asked me to leave them talk, so I did. When she came back she said that we needed to spend some of our free time apart, to let her socialise with her friends without me. She said her friends (although they really like me, and have no problem with me) are sick and tired of not being able to hang out with my girlfriend without me. I on the otherhand have gotten a similar vibe of my friends whom I see very rarely anyway, that they don't see me without her. Eventhough they haven't been as blunt as my girlfriends friend, they still give me the vibe that that would like ot have "guys nights out". Personally I don't like going anywhere without her, and was happy to tell my friends to bugger off anytime they suggested to leave home without her. They seemed to accept this fact that I would be with her. Now I feel that my girlfriend has wanted for a while now, some time to spend with her friends alone (bars, clubs, lunch, etc), but not wanted to say it to me. I asked her and she said straight out that she does want time alone with her friends, to have girly chats, etc. But what I worry about is that this whole "friend demanding to have a talk to her" was orchastrated. I feel that my girlfriend wanted me to be with her when a call to her phone was made. I feel this because I've heard her say in recent times things like....."I miss hanging around with people x or y". At the same time she said she "doesn't want to leave me because she loves spending time with me", and that "she can't keep everyone happy". So I asked her it's about what she wants, and nobody else. I asked her straight out "what do you want?", and she said "OK so....I do want free time". This is what made me believe it was orchastrated. So of course I'm not going to stop my girlfriend or ask her not to spend alone time with her friends. She said she wants to have girly chats, etc, and that she cannot have them with men around. So would you think it would be fair for her to head out with male friends of hers for example, that we both know fancy her, and ban me from joining her. I fear that this may happen, and that she will insist that I'm being posessive by not wanting her socialising with friends even though we know that they fancy her. She'd love the attention. Would you guys tolerate that? I need help dealing with this, what should I do? Thank you in advance.....and very sorry for the long post, I just wanted to give a clear overview and to do that I had to be somewhat comprehensive. Quote Link to comment
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