Delaurence23 Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 Flickers of my eyelids Lead my way through the crowd I see faces But no one matters I meet acquaintances But no one matters I am on a mission With a high ambition To find the girl I seek And the women I love I search But am destroyed For the mistakes of my past Will haunt me in a harsh wrath I am searching blind And blindly searching Without them I will be lost forever I cry tears of crimson blood For I will not see my life grow into a beautiful flower\ With my beautiful woman I am a shame And I am a mess mysitc rivers will lead me to love.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ForAnother Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 Not to be cruel but... what is everyone's fascination with "crimson." I find it to be overused. Interesting idea... structure needs some work. ForAnother Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delaurence23 Posted November 12, 2004 Author Share Posted November 12, 2004 i dont know ive been using crimson for as long as i can remember think it gives a better description espcially for blood what else would you suggest? cuz i think its awesome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ForAnother Posted November 14, 2004 Share Posted November 14, 2004 I like "I cry tears of blood." To me its to the point, it gives me the image. Maybe you could say what kind of blood, is it watery, or is it thick? dark or light? Gushing amount or just drips? I dunno... just crimson, I find it to be a forced word (because I never use crimson in my vocabulary). Again I think poetry is your thoughts, not just to make it sounds interesting/nice. ForAnother Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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