Forever alone :(

[drake50]

Hey guys,

 

I guess this is just another thread about hating the single life ha but not just that, i am very lonely aswell

Im a soon to be 25 year old bisexual girl who for the life of me cant seem to score dates with either gender, let alone make real friends. I study but dont work so i do have acquaintanes school but thats all they are, are acquaintanes. Im not a drinker so i rarely go out to pubs/clubs as the night life just isnt my scene which in a way puts a big block in meeting others around my age. People just seem to come and go in my life, no matter how much they promise they'll stick around, they never end up doing so. So finding friends is really difficult.

 

Dating is just as worse. Ive tried online dating and meeting people of social media sites and i have had no luck at all. People seem all in to me before we meet eg lots of high interest, lots of texting and flirting and eager to meet me and then when we do meet its as if im never good enough for them or im not what they expected me to be. I dont understand. I am always friendly, and funny, im confident and no i dont have self esteem issues, i'll admit i may not be the most exciting but i am down to earth and flat out a good chick. After dates they usually go distant and i dont hear from them much despite them always leading me on saying theyre not going to judge me and that theyre gonna love me etc so whenever i ask them what the deal is, its always the same lame excuses like "i dont have time for a relationship" or "id prefer to just be friends" mind you they all bring up wanting to date me beforehand so i know they are just kindly rejecting me.

Most of these people are about 19-25, mostly women as i am more attracted to them but i just feel like im getting to the point where i just give up and cant be bothered anymore.

 

I can be really shy so its hard for me to go out and approach people and as i said i dont get out much but i am also trying to save for a house.

 

Are some people just destined to be single? no matter how much of a good person you are? because they all seem to choose people either with "high status and popular" or major players and then cry when they get hurt but yet when a good person comes along we get rejected for whatever reason....Every year i get older and its getting tougher. I dont know if its the way i look or my social skills or what.

 

I am generally a happy person, im rarely negative and i like to think i come accross as outgoing and bubbly. The only people i do seem to attract are always the ones i dont like in that way....I dont know i just feel like i cant win

[SapphireNoir10]

You will find someone! It happens in the most random ways. My first boyfriend I met at one of his bands gigs, second boyfriend came into the pub I worked at, third boyfriend was someone who messaged me on MySpace!! And my current partner of 2 years and father of my child I knew years ago and he saw me out and about and Facebook messaged me.

 

I'm really quite shy, and I'm a little odd. For a girl I don't really like the stuff most girls do. I always make sure I look nice and dress nicely I'm just not overly into fashion etc. I like gaming, I like reading and writing. I like drinking pints!! I like playing darts. So a lot of guys were intimidated by the fact I'm not like most of the girls they'd met before. BUT It's worth it when someone comes along who appreciates my quirky ways

 

My younger sister has never even had her first kiss. She is REALLY shy and socially awkward and hasn't met anyone, she doesn't really go out either. But, I still think in time she will find the right person.

 

I guarantee you will find someone. Maybe stop looking so hard The moment I decided I was done with dating and boys my current partner came along.

[irishapple]

Moments ago I was whinging about something similar but drake nothing could be further from the truth! I got involved in a lot of stuff locally and threw myself into some courses and thoroughly enjoyed them. I met my first boyfriend at a bar, he was sitting by himself and I love the silent types, he couldnt figure out why I was speaking to him (it was his quiet masculinity that drew me in!) and my second and more serious long term relationship was he messaged me online. Im not the shy type, I believe in grabbing life by the balls and giving it a good shake and enjoying it! What are your hobbies can I ask?

[drake50]

but thats the problem, you guys have all met them from bars and facebook! i have no luck in either of them! i dont goto bars and facebook well as i said i dont trust anyone from it anymore as ive been burnt many times with flakey people.

 

I dont have many hobbies! i like relaxing with my family and my doggy, i like shopping and music and thats about it haha. I dont do much on weekends because i dont have that much money to waste to go out and do stuff and im saving. I am getting into volunteer work buts thats still a month away.

So as you can see im not that exciting. The only thing in life that would complete me is to fall in love, get married and have a family. I will be complete when i get this. But at 25 i dont know if im going to get it and thats depressing

[SapphireNoir10]

You will get it. Most people aren't getting married and starting families till they are in there thirties. My best friend is 24. She was cheated on and left broken hearted 2 years ago. She tried online dating. Didn't work. She met loads of strange men and married men and all sorts of drama...maybe a reputable site like Eharmony would be better but she just tried plenty of fish. She has had more dates than I can remember.

 

Now she's got a boyfriend. He is literally just a friend of a friend. It CAN happen.

[irishapple]

You are mirroring me so much that it is scary, this is what Im experiencing at the moment albeit Im gay and want to move in with someone ad have a dog but while that is the end goal I want to get to know as many people as possible and throw myself into as many distractions. Focus on building up the friendship first but slowly and let yourself just go with the flow, it strikes me you are over analysing things which a lot of us tend to do as to err is only human as Oscar Wilde said. Let these friendships just develop and be patient. Its my approach at the moment but I do realise that this approach may not suit all people.

[Xylitol]

If that's you in the picture of your avatar, then (i am just saying to inform you so that you have an idea, not to trash you down) that i don't like the looks.

 

I think you need to have more consideration for the signals you are emitting. Repulsing for me are the tattoo's , and short hair.

 

I completely think anyone has the freedom to look like they want, but if you want to attract others then you need to look like what they want.

[SapphireNoir10]

That's not true. I have tattoos and I've had short and long hair before. A lot of my friends have short hair and tattoos and are in happy relationships with kids or married.

 

You should NEVER change yourself looks wise just to attract someone. OP looks beautiful in her picture. People being attracted to her is NOT the problem it's just meeting people.

 

Everyone has a completely different idea of what is attractive. My boyfriend LOVES my tattoos. Other boyfriends I've had haven't been so keen. Everyones different. Always be YOU.

[drake50]

If that's you in the picture of your avatar, then (i am just saying to inform you so that you have an idea, not to trash you down) that i don't like the looks.

 

I think you need to have more consideration for the signals you are emitting. Repulsing for me are the tattoo's , and short hair.

 

I completely think anyone has the freedom to look like they want, but if you want to attract others then you need to look like what they want.

 

Yes it is me in the picture, i used to have long hair but i cut it short for a change but am growing out now. I respect your opinion, however i agree with what sapphire wrote. I shouldnt have to change my appearance just to get a boyfriend/girlfriend. My tattoos are a big part of who i am and i would never get rid of them for anyone. I am heavily tattooed and i know a lot of people arent keen on tattooed women but i prefer tattooed people over non tattooed people so everyone is different there. I appreciate your honesty though.

 

Thanks to everyone else for the replies, im enjoying reading all your advice! keep it coming

[irishapple]

Yes it is me in the picture, i used to have long hair but i cut it short for a change but am growing out now. I respect your opinion, however i agree with what sapphire wrote. I shouldnt have to change my appearance just to get a boyfriend/girlfriend. My tattoos are a big part of who i am and i would never get rid of them for anyone. I am heavily tattooed and i know a lot of people arent keen on tattooed women but i prefer tattooed people over non tattooed people so everyone is different there. I appreciate your honesty though.

 

Thanks to everyone else for the replies, im enjoying reading all your advice! keep it coming

 

+1

Be yourself!

 

Im 6'1, shaved head,stocky & confident and f*** em if they dont like it.

 

Drake you are who you are , be yourself . Haters are gonna hate...

[Coolstorybro]

Although I don't believe in destiny realistically some people will never find anyone, they will simply never meet those who consider them compatible or desirable.

[careymarie]

If that's you in the picture of your avatar, then (i am just saying to inform you so that you have an idea, not to trash you down) that i don't like the looks.

 

I think you need to have more consideration for the signals you are emitting. Repulsing for me are the tattoo's , and short hair.

 

I completely think anyone has the freedom to look like they want, but if you want to attract others then you need to look like what they want.

 

Are you serious right now? I think her short hair and tattoos are adorable. Furthermore, I met my current boyfriend when I had short hair and he never seemed to have a problem with it. I don't think the OP is looking to attract a lot of people who judge her for her appearance anyway.

 

It is so massively unhealthy to change yourself and your appearance because you think it's what someone else wants to see. I don't know about you, but if somebody came up to me and said "Gosh, I'd find you attractive except I don't like your haircut" I'd just be either completely offended or turned off to the point where I couldn't care less for their opinion anyway.

 

OP, I was in the same boat, I'd tried dating classmates, I'd tried going out with people I met at bars, I tried dating online, it all ended up catastrophically. It wasn't until I just said "screw it" and started enjoying being single that my current boyfriend (whom I will likely end up marrying) sort of fell in my lap at work. You're cute and you will definitely find somebody eventually, probably when you're least expecting it.

[SpiritofFire]

Forever alone? Were you alone for all the 25 years of your life? Common now, you are still young and that's the fact. Your mindset needs to be changed. Again I hear you loud and clear and clearly I've been there myself battling loneliness, but I accepted it for what it was and moved on to love myself first. Since then, I reach out to people and dating there and there, when I feel like it. Lonely? There are plenty of things to do, people to meet, such as volunteer service, you just got to expose yourself a little more, etc. One thing for sure, crying over it isn't going to help. I don't believe you when you say forever alone, because neither of us can see the future. Again funny things happen when you least expect them, and if you really feel despereate to be with someone, expose yourself more, build yourself up.

 

Someone mentioned your tatooes is a turn off. True, for many it is, but there is a minority who loves them and accept you for who you are. So yeah, keep it real. Give it time, you'll laugh at this later. Just saying.

[Dagless]

Drake, the first thing I want to say to you is: don't worry there is nothing wrong with you. Not in your attitude or your looks (but I think you know this). People are attracted to what THEY are attracted to, all you can ever do is be yourself. If you have gone on dates and it hasn't worked out then there isn't much you can do but say "their loss" and keep trying. There is a reason why people use cliches like "There's plenty more fish in the sea". I honestly believe that no-one is destine to be alone unless they wish to be. Some people become twisted and bitter or become so damaged that they end up just pushing others away. Others just find themselves looking in all the wrong places for it and then become cynical when they can't find what they are looking for. I am guilty of doing all these by the way, there's no shame in doing these things. It's very human.

 

If you really want it Drake keep being yourself. Keep being friendly, funny, confident and an all round good person and someone won't help but be attracted to you. And if not their loss.

[Raize]

The only people who truly have to worry about being 'forever alone' are those who are socially inept, socially isolated (For any of a bunch of reasons) or,yes, the downright 'repulsive'. You don't strike me as any of those things at all, so you've got absolutely nothing to worry about there.

 

Meeting any potential partner simply comes down to serendipity. Let's say you live in a city of say, 1 million people - Even if you assume only one in every 1000 people are going to be compatible , that's still 1000 potential partners in your midst. You've got it all going for you, so just keep putting yourself out there cos you can only win it if you're in it. Maybe for now try taking the focus off meeting people with the intent of dating and aim just as friendships at least initially, that way it takes the heat off any kind of expectations so if/when there is a spark anyway, it's a bonus.

 

BTW I too battle loneliness on a daily basis, except in my case I am on a somewhat self-imposed social isolation... It's probably a defense mechanism so that I can't be let-down or disappointed by people and vice versa if I am minimizing how much social mingling I commit to in first place. So if I do end up 'forever alone', I will have nobody to blame but >me<.>

[drake50]

Wow thanks for all the replies everyone!

 

I have partly been forever alone all through growing up. I never had any friends throughout high school, i was severely bullied but got help for that and even when i dropped out and started working i never had any real friendships, always just actuaintanes. The only people i have ever been close to are my family. Which im grateful for because they mean everything to me, but sometimes it would be nice to find others who would actually enjoy my company.

 

I feel like there is either something wrong with me or im just not meant to meet anyone. I also hate being lead on, this is why im put off from meeting people online. Im tired of being let down with lame excuses only to find out weeks later they are in relationships with someone else. It makes you think there is something really wrong about you. Meeting people for me in real life is just as hard because im too shy to approach people that interest me lol and most of times when i have they are either taken or not looking for anything.

 

As far as my looks and thank you for the compliments to those paying me some! as many of you have stated, im not getting rid of my tattoos, i LOVE them and they come with the package! and my short hair? well its growing out. But i wouldnt change how i look for anyone as im quite content with my appearance.

[NorthDallas40]

As far as my looks and thank you for the compliments to those paying me some! as many of you have stated, im not getting rid of my tattoos, i LOVE them and they come with the package! and my short hair? well its growing out. But i wouldnt change how i look for anyone as im quite content with my appearance.

 

FWIW I think Xylitol's comment was a bit out of line and rude.

 

I'm not into short hair or tattoos on women myself, but you look cute and TONS of guys would dig your kind of style. Don't sweat it!

[NorthDallas40]

*I meant girls too!

[Dagless]

I feel like there is either something wrong with me or im just not meant to meet anyone....Meeting people for me in real life is just as hard because im too shy to approach people that interest me lol and most of times when i have they are either taken or not looking for anything.

 

I know exactly where you are come from here, it's almost the exact same place I'm at right now. I don't seem to meet anyone who isn't in a relationship, not interested in dating or just isn't my type. These things are just circumstantial, you can't judge yourself on them. I've come to a point now where I'm just not looking for it anymore. After all I would rather be single than in a relationship just for the sake of it, which is what some people do. Some people stay in relationships that make them miserable because they are afraid of being on their own.

I, like you, am not a big drinker or one for going out to clubs but last year I did start to go out a lot more. In all honesty I don't think I got a lot out of it. It's a good way to catch up with friends but not so good at picking up dates...at least not for me.

 

So what am I saying? Some people find it easy to fall in and out of relationship while for others it takes a lot longer. I doesn't matter which type you are as long as you like yourself because if you don't the chances are you'll end up miserable...whether you're in a relationship or not.

[SpiritofFire]

With such history, have you considered reading self-help books on how to get your self esteem back? I feel like you have some self esteem issues. I mean hell who doesn't, I do. Also, self confidence, where is that at? I hear you that you have a great personality and such, but do you show it? Do you carry yourself confidently? How positive are you? I mean those questions seem rather bla, but they are important. If you misarible inside, that will show outside as well. Common there, be upbeat, no time to waste on such things.

[drake50]

I have been to therapy a heap of times and its all the same thing i havent heard. having said that i dont feel i need to go as i dont think i have self esteem issues. I always carry myself confidently and happily and everyone has said that. Its not that i cant attract people i can, but im just always attracting those im not interested in rather then the ones i am interested in

[Chris516]

I know the feeling of having no luck finding someone. No woman has really accept me, as a result of my health problems. It seems like the only women that can accept me, also have health problems themselves.

 

I to, do have a few hobbies, but not a lot.

 

I am definitely not exciting.(at least I don't think so)

[SpiritofFire]

I have been to therapy a heap of times and its all the same thing i havent heard. having said that i dont feel i need to go as i dont think i have self esteem issues. I always carry myself confidently and happily and everyone has said that. Its not that i cant attract people i can, but im just always attracting those im not interested in rather then the ones i am interested in

 

Well then...if that's the case then, you are just at the wrong places and wrong times. I hear ya on going to therapy and hearing things you already know, but as it stands you are just not happy with outcomes, but not with yourself. Well, sadly that's just it, life. You just accept for what it is, and move on as you already do from day to day and hope next day you can meet more people, and more people, and even more people so you can meet someone and feel lonely no more. Keep looking.

[SpiritofFire]

I know the feeling of having no luck finding someone. No woman has really accept me, as a result of my health problems. It seems like the only women that can accept me, also have health problems themselves.

 

I to, do have a few hobbies, but not a lot.

 

I am definitely not exciting.(at least I don't think so)

 

Start brewing beer, and join beer clubs near you. Now that's the hobby that will make you interesting eh.

[Raize]

im just always attracting those im not interested in rather then the ones i am interested in

 

I can kinda relate to this, sometimes I wonder if my eagerness towards women I am interested in has worked against me. Of all women who have expressed varying degrees of interest in me in the past, it wasn't that I had no interested full-stop, it was more that I didn't see them that way generally because I was busy being smitten with some other girl at the time who didn't see me that way. Looking back I could kick myself on the opportunities I have missed as they were all decent pretty girls who never got a chance to become my future ex-girlfriends.

 

This is a lesson why it is good to not hold on hopes to one person too long when it isn't meant to be, you potentially close yourself off to someone else who could be just as special...