Seraphim Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 My journal about my journey to reveal sexual abuse to my family. To anyone else who has not had a "confrontation" I hope you find this helpful. Dear Family, What I have to say will be hard for you to hear as it is for me to tell it. In 1980 your brother F raped and terrorized me. He did so several times. The number of times he did I cannot remember so I am not sure of the number. He beat me when i did not comply. Out of respect for Grandpa I have remained silent for 33 years. Grandpa and Grandma knew what happened and it was hard for them I'm sure as he is their son and I am their granddaughter. Grandpa didn't don't want it talked about in the family. This has been very hard for me because no one has known the truth. It has come time that this should be a secret no longer. I do not like feeling estranged from my family for something I did not do. I have paid the piper for 33 years but now it is time for the person who did the crime to pay that piper. I have court documents if you wish to see them proving that he was charged. He did however get to walk away because there was no physical evidence at the time. The police believed me and the court believed me . You can also phone my parents as they know. You can also phone my brother he knows as well. F also continued to harass and stalk us for 3 years until we left the province of B C. My parents got a restraining order protecting me from him as he tried to kidnap me from school. He would stand just beyond the restraining order distance at my school. He would phone our house constantly at all hours of the day and night. He would slash the tires and brake the headlights on our car. This is why I do not want to be anywhere near this person. He is a dangerous criminal. I am sorry to have to say that about your sibling but it is the truth. I would like to get to know you all better as I have been estranged from you all. I will leave that all up to each of you in light of what I have said. I wish none of you any ill will I just had to tell everybody the truth. Sincerely, L. Yes, it really does divide families and I am sorry this happened to you. My counselor warned me this would happen too so I am expecting it. Yes, they do not just do this once. My uncle molested another child when he was himself a child. He molested an army Major's daughter. My Grandfather took an ass whooping from this Major. He literally whooped my Grandpa senseless and told him to sort out his freak son. My grandfather covered it up. Everyone has been covering for him all his life. I am almost sure he has not molested any other family members because there are only 2 grand daughters. I am the eldest. My cousin was born years after he moved west. He has been out west in BC since he was 16 and the family lives in Ontario. He seldom comes home. I do very much believe has molested other children though. I 1000% believe that. I did my best and went to court when I was 14. The proceedings almost gave me a nervous break down and the could not continue with them because I could not emotionally take anymore. So he got to walk and I can not recharge him as the charges were "staid" against him. I was not allowed my parents in court. I was not allowed my parents while I was questioned by lawyers. He represented HIMSELF at the discovery trial and he got to question me HIMSELF and he called me a liar in open court. My grandfather REFUSED to have anyone in the family told. He wanted no shame in HIS family. Now since my grandfather has passed away my dad's family is reaching out to me to know me. But they have invited us in common to parties. I REFUSE to attend anything he is at. And my aunts and their husband's have NO idea why. It galls me to NO end he gets to go to family parties and I can not. He deserves a jail cell and I deserve justice. His eldest sister and her husband gave him a job for 15 years at their company and they know nothing about it. This pile of crap has been walking free for 33 years doing what he wants. Thankfully there are no female great grandchildren he can get near. My brother's daughters are the only one and my brother would NEVER consort with him as long as he lives. It is time everyone knows what he is. Whether they believe me or not. I fully expect them to rally the wagons against me and that's fine, then it will cement who I need out of my life. Right? The only one that can end this shyte is me. I did try and protect the next victim though as I went to court. That was not easy believe me. I had to go into court with no one in my corner. My parents were not allowed and he got to question me himself as he had no lawyer. I did all I could without ending up in the nuthouse. My mother said I was very close to totally emotional and physical collapse and the law called and end to it and let him walk. So I tried to protect others. There is no way I could have fought my grandfather with my father's family. He was God to them. I do not believe there other family victims as I said because he has not lived near family since he was 16. But I know there are other kids out there in BC that he has molested and I did my best to protect them. You can only fight the fight when you have the strength and the skills and support to do so. Now is that time. I have support and the strength to do it. Part of doing it intelligently is knowing when the other party is at their weakest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 15, 2013 Author Share Posted March 15, 2013 My counsellor liked my letter as is. She said it should contain emotion. We discussed what was likely unlikely and what was fantasy as far as expectations of the confrontation.She said if I have little expectation I won't have far to fall. She said I am pretty realistic in my expectations. Something that she brought up that I have not considered is that if I out him with his family how likely is he to strike back at me? I would say very likely. I have decided not to say anything while he is here. That way he has no opportunity to physically attack me. Will he probably email or phone me?? YUP you bet. He is very vindictive. I totally expect him to attack me some how. I let her read the court documents and she said he sounded like a total baffoon. Great, my brother basically called me a chicken if I send out that email. Because he said I am a weak tool if I do it that way. He said I need to get some balls and do it in person. That way I force them into an honest reaction. I know what he said is coming from a good place in his heart, yes. He loves me for sure and I am his big sister. But he needs to kick me less and support me more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 15, 2013 Author Share Posted March 15, 2013 My brother text me last night while I was on the way home. He asked me if I have decided what I am going to do about the confrontation. I said no, not yet. My mother said it it is up to me, and I should not hold back no matter who my uncle harrasses. My husband was yelling this morning that I HAVE to confront and he does not care about what comes after. I just want to protect my father because my father is vulnerable. He is frail and too mentally ill to protect himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheetarah Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 Protect your father in what way? From what? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 15, 2013 Author Share Posted March 15, 2013 Protect your father in what way? From what? From his brother physically trying to harm him. He tried to kill my dad when we went to court. He tried to run over my dad with his car. I am worried about my dad's physical safety. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheetarah Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 Well..I have nothing nice to say to this. I don't wish ill on your dad at all - But...Man. Where was your protection.. I can't say anything kind here, I can't. I'll just read. Sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 15, 2013 Author Share Posted March 15, 2013 I know love . I know. But this is about me and not regretting my life. This is about me being a good person. I am not mentally ill so I can afford to be kind. My mother says when God gives you great gifts you owe them back out to the world. If I do evil back what will be my fate? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheetarah Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 But this is not about purposefully setting something up to harm your father...It's about letting your truth and experience be known...And something of this magnitude, held in for so long, is bound to cause a rift even in the least...confrontational...of families. You cannot conceivably protect everyone, and that IS a consequence(is that even a good word?) to doing this...No two ways about it. Vic, this guy could potentially go after any last one of you and your extended family. I don't think the worries about that would ever cease, but that also wouldn't be your FAULT. It's always been about him and what he did to you, and even 10 years ago he still knew how to intimidate you. He knows precisely how to keep you silent. He did it 30+ years ago as well by going after your father. That man you call your father Vic, he has done HORRIBLE things of an incredible magnitude..Things I cannot picture any parent having the heart(or lack thereof) to do...And I'm not saying, do wrong to him...Hurt him intentionally...But take care of yourself for once. I don't see why someone who has done pure EVIL by you deserves such loyalty. He frankly deserves not pain but the kindest...would be indifference. But you want to help him and save him and protect him like he NEVER EVER did for you...You don't need to do wrong by him purposefully...But I would hope you would not make yet another barrier, like grandpa. This is a heated topic I imagine, for everyone in your family. I can see where your husband is coming from out of the desire to see you find justice...I dunno Vic, he was damn cruel, damn downright cruel. He just doesn't deserve the kindness you still give him(not this, just other things). You can be a total menace to society and still someone's going to stand behind you...GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But this is and always has been, will be, your decision and your thing, and your reasons needn't be justified to anyone. I only hope that you make the right decision for YOURSELF and not place your happiness on the backburner for another 30 years...Whether it be saying, not saying...Whatever will bring you peace and contentedness. I know I was just supposed to read but I cant' help it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 15, 2013 Author Share Posted March 15, 2013 I know what you're saying I really do. And while he does not deserve my protection for what he did to me it is not really about that. It is about what he would not deserve his brother doing to him. It is about my worth to myself. It is about my biggest quality which is my empathy. It is about my ability to forgive. For in forgiving we are forgiven. Without being too religious it is about where my soul is going to be. It is about what is right for humanity. I still feel I should protect him as a marginalized human being. He is still a human being after all. I have to give my son the example of love and charity and forgiveness. So while dvocating for myself I have to be aware of what this will do to an entire group of people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 16, 2013 Author Share Posted March 16, 2013 I think he is here right now. Visiting his sisters. My mother got a few calls from this area code and that person hung up on her. I also got a call from my aunt and uncle's number which could've been him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 16, 2013 Author Share Posted March 16, 2013 [video=youtube_share;0x_4ZqukpcA] ] This what my battle feels like. I'll take you all on!~Optimus Prime Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 16, 2013 Author Share Posted March 16, 2013 [video=youtube_share;V45UNr9u60Y] ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 17, 2013 Author Share Posted March 17, 2013 I asked my dad if his siblings knew about their brother and he said yes but they're just in denial and living in fairyland. My dad lies though so I can't sure . But there are indications that they do know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 The evening went so great with my my aunt it's almost too bad to torpedo it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 19, 2013 Author Share Posted March 19, 2013 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG HAHAHAHA a friend suggested that I put my story on Dr Phil and call my uncle's evil backside out on stage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 I have to find out if he is still working for his sister. Because if he is and he loses his employment he can sue me. That is hilarious ,he is a rapist and he gets to walk but if he loses his employment he can sue me ,nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 The idea of telling my dad's family has to be shelved for now my counsellor thinks it's causing me too much anxiety ,panic ,and stress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted April 6, 2013 Author Share Posted April 6, 2013 Is confrontation even necessary? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue_Skirt Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 I don't mean to intrude in your journal and your thoughts but it isn't for me. But I can only speak for myself and my situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted April 6, 2013 Author Share Posted April 6, 2013 I don't mean to intrude in your journal and your thoughts but it isn't for me. But I can only speak for myself and my situation. Well I have been silent for 33 years. To my father's family at least. His brother was the one that molested me when I was 13. He brutally raped me many times. My parents know and it even went to court but my father's brother walked away. My grandfather refused to have anybody in their family told. My grandfather passed away this January. So I have been thinking about telling my father's family. My father's other siblings that is. I want them to hear my story I want my voice to be heard. The thing is my councelor does not feel I'm emotionally strong enough yet. I developed a pretty bad panic disorder in the summer and I am just working through that right now. I also have PTSD. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue_Skirt Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 YOU are the most important person at this very moment, so perhaps it's wise to listen what your councelor think is best for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted April 6, 2013 Author Share Posted April 6, 2013 YOU are the most important person at this very moment, so perhaps it's wise to listen what your councelor think is best for you. For sure that is why am putting it on hold for now. When I am stronger my day will come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 [video=youtube_share;l6avuh3K_70] ] I don't know where the official video disappeared to but anyway.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 "You're a little late I'm already torn I am cold And I am ashamed Bound and broken on the floor You're a little late I'm already torn." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 [video=youtube_share;anz91PPMPw8] ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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