Im more comfortable around him than my brother...

[BandNerd1001]

Well what do you think about this? i have this guy friend who is awesome we are so close that we call eachother brother and sister. We love eachother to death, and share stories and all that good stuff. My point is it takes a lot in a relationship for that right? You have to be comfortable as can be along with everything else.

 

Well theres this guy who i met in the summer. It was at Marching Band camp. Well since then we have gotten to be really good friends. he tends to guide through things sometimes. He backs me up, encourages me for the best, he tells me when i did good, and everything like that. He will be the one to goof off with in the stands during football games or pep band during basketball games. He gives me grief sometimes, i nkow when he does b/c he just has this tone, so i will play along and act as if i am sad or upset b/c of something. then he will be like, " aww don't worry i love you, for give me." then he hugs me. He knows that i am joking as well. Well i could just go on and on and on, but my point is that i think i can be ever more comfortable around him than my brother. Theres just something about this guy, i mean i never saw myself maybe liking a guy like him. I have no problem with who his is. He just really smart. A geek so what. He is 2nd in his class... lol. I think that is totally awesome too.

 

There was this one game that we went to though, i think this was our strongest bond. Now we are pretty close. He is a lil uptight when it comes to somethings. like music, all he listen to is Christian. well this song from static-x came on and he covered his ears. iI was like whats wrong, he was like, "devil music" I said, " boi this is nothing, if this sounded like devil music i wouldn't listen. i can understand what they are saying. I have heard worse." But yeah.. then night went on the song played more than once, he started singing it with my friends and me. Lol we were all shocked. then game went into overtime. We all got tired and then i ended up almost falling asleep on his shoulder. He loosened up in many ways that night, and we also bonded. He now talks to me every morning b4 1st period, and he will be with his friends, then when i come in the band room he will come and talk to me. I never seen him act the same way around me as his friends. he acts more idk, but with his friends, just acts like a friend. He acts more than a friend to me maybe im not sure though i cant tell.

 

There was a lot over other things going on that night as well. I'll just say some brief things before this turns into a journal.

he has some friends on color guard and they wanted him to come down there with them. he was like "no, i dont want to."

So they girl was like fine then be that way, i will marry someone else then. (they are good friends, and you know how good friends are. They do stuff like that. They girl has a boyfriend.) Anyways he was like "fine then im going to marry (said my name)." Then he like hugges me standing be side me. i was ljust like wow. lol But yeah. thats the brief of it.

 

Well i have a poem i wrote. It just sort acame out one day. I was wanting to write poem and i was kinda telling a story and it became a poem.

This is the poem:

 

Speak Your Mind--

She is alone, not knowing anything or anyone. She is just another face in the crowd of so many people. She's use to it by now, being alone that is. The fact that no one can see beyond her eyes and into her soul on how she really feels. But, can no one? No. There is this one person. A boy, who she looks at from afar, admiring him as she supposes most people do. She stands out, especially to him. He can tell who she really is and how she really feels. He talks to her, grows fond of her as he helps her and guides her along a long and bumpy road. She sees it in his eyes, but doesn't want to say. For this is the first time she has ever noticed someone actually caring and didn't want it to go away. Time past and she grew fond of him too. She relied on him with everything, and he was there to help her through everything. He knew, deep inside, that he loved her but he just didn't know how to tell her. He couldn't think of the right words to tell someone so precious to him. So he decided to express himself as well as he could. He felt as though since he couldn't find the words, he just simply wouldn't use them. The girl caught on quickly, and did the same. Still to this day they pray for a way to say what they wanted to say. I love you.

 

Torwards then end of the poem in not sure if its ture or not, the same way for him as it does me. Like i said this poem just kinda flew out one day. Do you think he may actually like me, or another brother/sister bond? Any other information could give me could help. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

~Bandnerd1001

[Beec]

So, are you asking whether you think he wants your frienship to be something more than platonic? Or would you like to make it something more than platonic?

 

I would say that he very likely has some feelings to want that, but he may have conflicting ones. Can't tell from where I sit if he does.

[BandNerd1001]

what does platonic mean?

[Beec]

Platonic would mean friends, just friends, with nothing romantic between you. My dictionary refers to a plantonic love as: a close relationship between two persons in which sexual desire has been supressed or sublimated.

[BandNerd1001]

I see.

 

What do you mean by conflicting feelings though?

[Beec]

Well conflicting feelings would be that he has some feeligns that make him want you as more than just a friend, which he probably does, and has others that make him not want as anything more.

 

He may or may not have conflicting feelings.

 

I would bet that he has some sexual feelings for you. Even with women that I was close with but knew I would never try anything with, I've never been able to look at them without thinking about us together. In some cases, it was us together for a relationship in others only for sex. But I would bet big money he has sexual thoughts of you.

 

What feelings would make him fight his sexual feelings? Maybe, he wants you, but is scared to risk your friendship by trying to have a relationship. Maybe, he is scared to tell you for fear that you will reject him and that will ruin the friendship. Or just maybe, you are not his type.

 

If you want him as more than a friend, and want to try that, then you need to try to make him want that too.

[BandNerd1001]

Im not sure. He may. ABut he the type of guy who wont have sex until marraige. I am the same way as well. I don't think that hes had a girl before. I could be wrong though. He is a very religious guy. He is perfect when hes in the sight of his parents. He has to be. He is almost 17 and has a bed time. He is very smart and eevrything. You probably know what kinda guy i am talking about. i geek basically. Well normall i would think that its corny, but with him it doesn't bother me. I dont care. i like him for who he is. Its awesome that he is so smart. he can totur me if i ever need it.

 

i like everything about him, and im sure if he does feel the same way as i do he may not care if im not as religious as him or as smart. He tells me that i am awesome sometimes with no reason why i am at all. If we were to get together i feel like his parents wont accept me, i mean i way different from the why his parents are. They find out i shop at hot topic. Well yeah. I want to be perfect for him. Well i might be for him. idk, idk about his parents either.

 

He may want me like you said, but he is too afriad to say, like you said. He shows everything like he does. Just like in the poem i wrote. My poem says all.

[Beec]

Does he belong to a different religion than you do? If so, what are they? It might help me to understand.

 

Otherwise, I think you need to learn about body language. If you want to be able to figure out whether he really likes you or not and do it without having to ask, then the way to do it is through body language.

 

Most of the time when a man and woman (boy and girl or whatever) get together, they send signals back and forth that are not spoken. Most of these signals are instinctive. Learn them, then look for his and send some of your own.

 

Any questions? A bunch I am sure.

[BandNerd1001]

NO, he a Christian. Im not sure to what kind of christian though. He is probably Baptist. I am Methodist.

 

Thats what we basically do already. We do speak through body language a lot. Not all the time though. So yeah i do understand what you are talking about. This was also in my poem.

[Beec]

Well, if his body language is telling you that he wants you, then maybe you should go get him. Send him messages with body language that show him you have soem desire and that stir up his desire. (He may not want to act on it in sexual way, but he should still want you.)

 

The simplest and easiest way to do this would be to use eye contact. When he speaks, look at his eyes. Do not let your eyes wander away from the triangle formed by the tip of his nose and outside tips of his eyebrows, teh entire time he is talking. Then when he about to stop talking, lock on his eyes themselves and look at them, hold this contact for a fulls econd past when he stops saying somethign before breakign eye contact or saying something yourself.

 

The second easiest way. Touch him. Nothing provacative. Touch his forearms, bump into him with your shoulder touching his shoulder. Let your hands touch once in a while.

 

Use the eye contact first, then bring in some touching.

 

If he begins to try to amke your hands touch and do so repeatedly, just let them linger touching longer and longer. He will grab yours sooner or later.

[BandNerd1001]

yesh this moening before 1st period all the band nerd meet in the band room. Well i walked in the door and he is standing right there. I look up at him (because i am 4'11), but as i walk by him looking at him he looks down at me and we make ye contact as i walk by him. Then he follows me and is like, "i was waiting for you. I wanted someone to talk to. Don't you feel special?" I was like, "yesh i feel very special."

 

I told him that i was making an eye collage. Then he was like "omg reallly? I had a dream that you took a picture of my eye." lol. But yeah. lol. When we talk we always make eye contact, excpet when i am walking beside him.

 

I do touch him. I will bump into him, i might oush him when hes teasing me or something like that. Our hand will touch when we hand something to eachother. I asked him to hand me my music folder sometime this week and instead he puts it in my mouth. lol. Yeah. It would be nice if you could get a friendly hug from him.

 

but yeah, we do that already.

 

(He may not want to act on it in sexual way

-- Neither of us want anything sexual. We have the same priorities when it comes to that. We save ourselves for that one person we marry. The body wasn't shared with anyone else.

[Beec]

 

1. Then he follows me and is like, "i was waiting for you. I wanted someone to talk to. Don't you feel special?" I was like, "yesh i feel very special."

 

2. I do touch him. I will bump into him, i might oush him when hes teasing me or something like that. Our hand will touch when we hand something to eachother.

 

3. I asked him to hand me my music folder sometime this week and instead he puts it in my mouth. lol. Yeah. It would be nice if you could get a friendly hug from him.

 

 

If you are both waiting for marriage, I don't see any necessarily religious issues between the two of you. I could be wrong though. From my view, which is Catholic, people of the major protestant sects don't seem to have much of an issue marrying each other. If you believe, then you believe. But, I could be wrong.

 

I number for reference.

 

1. It seems he likes you. If he made it clear he was waiting for you, I'd bet on it. But I cannot tell thing just by words. It's not jsut what you or he says, but how you say it in manner and tone of speech, as well as body language. But then the issue seems to be, how do you get him to act on it. Right?

 

2. If that is the case, read my posts on RayKay's recent thread. She's in a very different place than you, but the idea is still the same. With this guy, you want to have an off switch. Look at the principles on link removed for some theory. Withdraw a bit, so maybe he thinks you won't always be there. It does not have to mean you avoid him. Just for a day or two, be a bit aloof. Then be back to on, your normal friendly making eye contact stuff. Use the lingering eye contact, with a confident look and a slight smile.

 

Can you get him alone? I don't mean at your house with no parents home, just where the two of you can do things that won't be noticed. You both seem to be inexperienced and nice teenagers. You both seem to want the same thing, but neither of you knows how to get there and/or neither wants to make any risky moves.

 

The two safest moves would be to be somewhere that the hand contact could be repeated and your hands could stay next to each other, so you end up holding hands. Or,

 

The one thing I had someone do to me, when she was interested and I was nto making a move, is to tickle the guy. We were alone, talking and flirting a bit, and she tickled me a bunch until I made a move to stop her, I kissed her. You'd need to be somewhere this could work.

 

Any questions?

[BandNerd1001]

The tickling thing. I dont know if i could do that. Is there something else. I mean, thats might be kinda weird, what if hes not ticklish? Then i just made a fool of myself.

 

He has done it to me though. I was pretending that i was mad at him though i wasn't, he knew that too. Well for me to look back at him he tickled my knee. Hes done that before, so he knew it would tickle me.

 

IS there something else i could do though?

[Beec]

Wow, you are shooting down my safe ideas.

 

None of these are something you just jump into with both feet and full force. You use baby steps.

 

Your hands meet all the time as it is, all you need to do is leave them next to each other for a while. Then gradually have them overlap, or move in and out and in and out, until the overlap. Have your fingers under his palm with both palms facing the same direction, leave them there. Then turn your fingers over, and you are there. Your fingers facing his, in his palm. If he wanted out, he WOULD get away.

 

The hand bump, while the two or you are sitting, standing or walking next to each other is a safe move. I've done it many times as a guy. I did it without ever thinking about it when I was younger than you. Our hands were in contact for a while, then her fingers were in my palm, then we were holding hands.

 

If you need the tickling manuver to be a little safer, then maybe you could see if he will try it again, then while he is doing it, you could do it to him. All you need to do is poke him in the ribs just a little and try it for a second.

 

My only other thoughts are two fold: one kiss him, not a romantic kiss, not full on the lips, but a quick peck on his cheek near his lips. This is a move that can be interpreted as just friendly, so it is not real high risk.

 

Or, get him to ask you somewhere. Does you school have dances or some other events?

 

I am beginning to scrath my head here.

[BandNerd1001]

No, no need to strach your hrad youe helping me out a lot actually. I thank you for that too. Yesh my school does have dances. I tried that once before he said he will never go to one though. He just doesn't want to. Maybe eventually. Yeah your hellping me out a lot. Anything else that is helpful is welcome. Thanks again.

[BandNerd1001]

Ok well i know its normal for a guy to have a really close friend that they just be with. I know this b/c of my and my brother. I will like hang on him and stuff like that. Sorta like flirty but not you know? Well he is that way with his friend that is on color guard. I got a picture of him with her when they didn't know. then he say it b/c he had to look frommy camra to make sure there were no pictures of him in it and he made me delete it. My friend saw that he was cleging on her arm in the picture, she asked him, " you like her dont you?" HE shook his head and was like "nooo" My friend, " are you sure?" "Yes i am sure" then he was like " I dont like HER that way." He made her sound very clear and understandable. Is this good??

[Beec]

Let's see if I have this right.

 

Someone asked the guy you want whether he liked you or not, and he said he did not like you in that way. Is that it?

[BandNerd1001]

nnoooo

 

His friend on color guard. He made it clear that he did not like her in that way.

[Beec]

Wouldn't change my opinion. This guy waited for you before first period the other day. That tells me he likes you. Has he done this for her?

[BandNerd1001]

Not that i know of, or seen. They are good friends though i mean i would do the same for my good friend aswell. Idk.

[Beec]

Just try the eye contact moves that I mentioned before. Watch his when he speaks, and let your eye contact linger for a moment after he stops speaking, then in a week or so, try to hand bump.

 

I bet it will work.

[BandNerd1001]

ok i'll try. I hope it works. thanks.

[Beec]

Just be sure that when you do go for the hamd bump to watch his reactions. If he tries to avoid contact, then stop. Positive reactions, continue. Negative stop. Indifferent, back up and try again, don't go further.

 

But use the eye contact thing for a while before.

[BandNerd1001]

I dont know what to do now.

 

im just ticked off what as so called "friend" is saying behind my back.well to another friend who is a really good friend is who she told it to, never tell someones best friend about them b/c they will tell you know?well to my friend she was like, "Does stevi like Daniel? She better not b/c i think he likes me!" Hes the only dude that talks to her... i mean he doesn't let her lean on him and like rest her head on his shoulders. He lets me do that. He doesn't wait for her, he waits for me.... umm...yesh.

 

when that "friend" asked my real friend she said no that i didn't like him, b/c if she said yes she would have started rumors that aren't true about me, making him not like me....

I bet she doesn't even know when his b-day is i do....lol

a couple of times when daniel was like behind me he was pushing my forward very lighty then then i would lean back very ligty cause us to like rock... she was looking at us with a very jelous look, and everything i start to talk to him she tries to interrupt and stuff like that.

 

there was this one football game that lasted til like 12 am and the whole band was like really hyper, we had like a sugar high, then all of us all of a sudden were like asleep. I had my head on daniels shoulder sleeping. she wanted him to come where she was, he didn't want to move. Then since i had sex-ed right after the class we are intogether, and it was in the theater, daniel goes that same way, so i walked him him for 2 weeks, she got really jelous.

 

 

But yeah thats aboit it... i hope thats not confusing, i think i got confused typing it...

 

Now whatdo i do?

 

Thanks for you help so far again...

[BandNerd1001]

that girl also gave him a note after all that. I have no idea what it said, but she doesn't talk to me anymore. All she gives me is jelous stares.

 

 

Tuesday in band class they were passing around a picture of the dresses we are going to wear for concerts. I'm the only female in my section so they kinda forget about me a lot. At first he was all like look its your dress, (my name) is gonna wear a dress! I dont wear dresses ok. So he was teasing me. Then we was like dont forget about (my name) she wants to see it too. I really didn't though. It was kinda sweet too i guess you would say. To get him to stupid doing that i like called out his name in a flirty way and pushed him with my hand to where he just moved to his left some, not a hard push at all.

They way my voice sounded when i said his name was weird, like i didn't mean to say it in a flirtty way but i did.

 

He hasn't paid any attention to that girl. I have no idea what her note said either. I would like to know though.