virtua003 Posted November 6, 2004 Share Posted November 6, 2004 For all you NC worshippers out there, you're so wrong. Put your (DELETED BY MOD) on the line, and break the bad habit of this board(NC). As long as you have the guts to do it, you'll do what i did. Yes, i was the dumpee. Every friend/co-worker of mine told me not to do it; I'm not an NC believer unless i know i'm at the helm. I did what no other guy would have done. I just didn't have the patience to keep my xgf as a friend, hoping for her to come around, when it won't amount to anything other than - friends. I had to belittle my pride, asking for a remaining friendship. Do i smell manipulation? I unexpectedly, without warning, showed up at her door. As long as you know how to present yourself... you should do just fine. It's a last-ditch effort, nothing to lose, 50-50 shot, roll the dice. It was never my forte, but i did it... this time... anyway. So for all you NC believers out there..... you're so frickin' wrong. I left work early, traveled 25 miles, hit the store..... purchased rib-eyes, salad/dressing, potatoes, flowers(non-rose), bottle of wine, friendship card(sig)... all in paper bag with flowers drapin' over the top. Drove home, showered, changed, went another 35 miles. I was sweatin' bullets, believe me.... already prepared for rejection, not even knowin' if she'd be there. Rang the door-bell, she saw me thru the window, and she actually "shuttered". She was in shock, answered the door within 2 secs, as "giddy" as i remembered her. I had to explain why i was there. Just had to tell her that i felt obligated to show that i can be punctual(7:30), here to have some nice conversation, over a nice dinner, bottle of wine.... i just couldn't resist. I knew myself, and as long as she answered the door, i could take it from there. We spent time on our differences, our faults, and what could have changed. But i always emphasized on her and her future, what she could find, trying not to bring up the past. She did treat it as though we were just friends, but i didn't expect anything different. You gotta remember, this is the female that i respected, and never attempted to contact on the phone. But my patience runs thin, it was three weeks.. not enough time to give her space as i promised. I grabbed her hand, and reminded her of how we used to do that. I tickled her palm, like she used to do to mine, which i made her aware of. I massaged her knee, briefly, just to bring back a hint to what had been. I told her that i missed her, and she said "i miss you too". Said i would use the hallway bathroom, "not the one that i'm so used to(sarcasm)", came out and led her to the front door. Told her i better go, she answered "i'm so glad you came out here to see me". We hugged, i gave her a quick kiss, dove in for another, she followed. With hand to hand, i said "you remember the kisses we gave each other before? Come here, baby....." At the door, i told her that i show no pressure, that's why i came over, that i can accept where it ended. She said "after seeing you, i'll have to think things through, just give me some time". I said it'd be great for us to talk every once in a while, something we haven't done lately. I receive the "i'll call you", not exactly what i wanted to hear. So i came back with: "instead of our no phone contact, and you know that i don't pressure you, i respect you, is it okay for me to check in just to see how you're doin'?". Of course, she said yes. Just as i had planned... This guys, is what i wanted to leave her with... her expecting me to call her.... this is when NC takes control. No call, no e-mail, no communication. Prior to this, it was the opposite, at least as far as e-mail goes. We had agreed not to talk, just e-mail. If you're scared that your Ex won't answer the phone, let alone give you permission to come over, then take it upon yourself. I had no questions asked. Just be sure to come fully prepared, with something that will impress her. If you can work your way in that front door, and talk smooth... don't worry about it. You've got nothing to lose. Don't wait around forever. That's what this kamakazee visit was all about, to put me in control. I now hold the cards... We did e-mail, but that was due to me, the dumpee, who asked that we remain friends. Why did i do that? To keep communication lines open. That's what protected me from getting rejected when i rang the door bell. Can you imagine me doing this with no communication? I played it smart, that of which others won't agree with. Case and point: To all of you here, i've followed you for the last three weeks. I didn't know you were here until i searched on google. An emotional wreck that i've been for the last three weeks, i read this website at home, at work, anywhere i could, just looking for something to help me handle the pain. My job, my sleep, one meal a day... it just about killed me. I needed to see the support given between you all, from those going through the same thing as me. There's a difference between a long-term or short-term relationship, but it's impact can be same when the break-up happens so unexpectedly. And how close you were with your partner prior to being dumped. And when you thought you were doing everything so right to keep your partner happy, you just don't know what you did wrong until it's too late. You take everything for granted... Our relationship lasted 2 & 1/2 months, myself 41 and she 37. The first time we met at a restaurant/bar, we were absolutely taken by one another. For 5+ hours until closing time. I walked her out, we kissed. From that point on, everything was golden. From her, the word "smitten", time and time again... i'll never forget. The only problem with the enveloping relationship was the distance between us, and my lack of time for her. I was only interested in the weekends, although i would have given the world for her. I just didn't show it. And now i regret it. I just wasn't given enough time to break the mold. On friday, I'd have to travel 25 miles from work, shower/pack, and travel 35 miles out to her place. And the same with her, the only difference is... she was very punctual. And she was very "Anal" about it. She expected the same in return, and no guy in their right mind can argue with that. A major fault of mine, also known as lack of respect. She'd spend one weekend night with me, while i'd go spend the other with her. I approached the situation differently for once in my life: cautious, take things slow, allow things to develop. But she had different plans, she wanted a relationship to blossom alot sooner than i was aware of. I showed her everything a woman needed, we were affectionate, cuddled, carressed, snuggled, talked. I told her from the beginning... anything that's bothering you, please tell me, and vice versa. That's where the problem began. She never told me of anything. As a smart female will always do, she was in the "testing phase" throughout the relationship, and guys be aware of this... it will get you burnt. We were so so close, and dated each other "exclusively". The things that i did wrong... i will never forget. When we were together(weekends), things were great... we were inseparable. She gave me the bad news three weeks ago. I left work with a "quick" e-mail that i had to leave. I never called her that night. The next day i came to work, and responded to her e-mail. 20 minutes later, she hit me with a solid punch to the torso. I was absolutely devestated, felt like the floor was dropped from below me. I panicked.. had to call her... cell, work, no answer. I told her "let's meet, we need to talk". Both times, she had excuses why she couldn't. We talked that night after my begging. I asked for her to give me me a second chance, that i could prove it to her. She said that she needed some time, to get on with my life, that she didn't need any type of relationship at that point. She faulted me, but also faulted herself. Her e-mail earlier that day was "it's not you, it's me!", the typical female sabotage approach. I felt like i was handcuffed... how could i feel so helpless? I never sent her flowers at work. But the day after I received the gut-wrenching news from her, flowers were out within 24 hours... hoping she would come back. For God's sake, tell me in person, the internet approach is a "cheap-shot". I have to sit in front of that monitor each and every day i'm at work - I dread it. The pain i have to live with... i can't sleep, i can't eat, i can't concentrate, my job's in jeopardy. Think twice guys, what's worth more to you? Losing your love or your livelihood? Quote Link to comment
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