found out what ex is doing now...kinda flipped

[odysseus77]

Me and my ex of 2.5 years broke up about 7 months ago, and at the time she said it was because "she wanted something different." I took this to mean that she wanted to be with a different guy...but I was wrong, I found out last night that it meant a different lifestyle...yes she broke up with me cause of another guy, but I now know the driving factor was because he is into the partying, drinking scene, and I'm not...and she wanted to try that I guess...I found this out last night online when my friend told me to look at her AIM profile and there were pics of her all up on tonsa of guys, and completely drunk...all of this after we had multiple conversations about how drinking and getting drunk was stupid and immature...now her argument is that shes mature anough for it...what a load of horse ****....anyways I flipped online at her, as did my friend, and she just ended up blocking me (mind you this was the first and only contact since break-up)....i dunno, I guess in the long run it helps cause now I know she didn't dump me as a person, she was dumping a lifestyle, so the fault is solely on her...it helps me also realize the old her is dead and move on...but im still kinda heated about it considering i almost married this girl who i thought believed strongly in her "morals" but i guess her morals are just that of whatever crowd shes in (i had seen that in her)....I guess my question is how can people abandon morals so fast? Why do people feel a need to change when their old person was fantastic?

[Scout]

Good questions. I'm afraid a lot of it has to do with age and maturity. To be honest, when I was your age and in my twenties, my priorities were all wrong. Boy, do I regret that. And some day, your girl probably will too.

 

It sounds like you, on the other hand, have a fantastic head on your shoulders, except for the part where you verbally ganged up on her with your friend. It's not your friend's business and I don't blame her for blocking you guys.

 

But that's just a small detail. You were genuninely outraged and we all do things when we're that upset that we wish we hadn't in retrospect. Hopefully, you learned something from it.

 

In the meantime, I feel your pain. It hurts, I know. I guess she is someone who really doesn't know who she is and is trying out different identities. Hopefully, she'll come to her senses down the road, but it's out of your control, I'm afraid.

 

Do keep posting here when you need to. It helps.

[tea]

according to bf, it's because they're not mature enough yet.

[geo_jane]

That is a very good question. I don't have an answer for you because I'm still trying to figure this one out.

 

I have a 16 year old sister who is/was a sweet, fun and intelligent girl. She had many good friends, she got good grades, her teachers loved her. Until about a year ago she started drinking and smoking a lot of pot and got herself a huge JERK of a boyfriend. She immediately dumped all her friends including me and our other sister. She almost got expelled from school for poor attendence last week.

 

I just don't know where this huge change in behaviour comes from. She had everything going for her and suddenly changed overnight it seemed.

The only thing I can offer by way of explaination for you is that perhaps you ex, like my sister, was going through some sort of stress that she wouldn't share with those who really cared about her. Instead she turned to substances and self destructive behaviour to drown out her stress and fears.

 

But I still don't fully understand what happened to my sister. I agree its very sad when people change like that.

 

All you can do is just be true to yourself because you don't have control over what other people do. Its her problem, not yours. And its her loss too.

[MissMandaJo]

I can't stand the way people change so randomly like that. My ex boyfriend (we broke up about a week ago) used to be a caring/loving person toward me. Then he started smoking mass amounts of pot, he turned into a totally COLD ruthless person, and dumped me, the reason that HE gave me was he wanted to "be alone", but he gave everybody else a surplus amount of reasons. So I dont know. He is so bright, but he thinks he needs pot. He just changed so much... not gradual changes either... it was like a supernova.

Its horrible when people you love do a 360 on you like that.

[DBL]

Growing up I seen a lot of people go through this kind of stuff. Personally I partied hard and never regret a minute of it. I was the one that turned all my friends onto drinking and drugs. I was also the first one to quit. people partied with me because we always had fun, it was better then their plain life that they had. I have witnessed so many changes in people through the years growing up. Some people can not control themselves. Myself I have always had control of what I do, not everyone has that ability.

 

DBL

[Mun]

I think that this party phase is something alot of people go through, but some not as hard as others. It's part of growing up. I hope your ex get's through it quickly, it's so dangerous out there. She is risking not only her health, but her life.

 

I hope that this new information helps you to move on from her. She is not someone you want to be with right now. You sound like a very well grounded guy, follow what is right for you and you won't go wrong.