AN Posted October 27, 2004 Share Posted October 27, 2004 Not too long ago I had a change of attitude and a new look in life. I could not have been happier when the change came and I was beginning to think that maybe life has really turned around for me. Sadly it has not. Being this way sometime now I realized that I am back to square one. Though it is a deviation from the first depresion, it is just as painfull. This new life I chose for myself is a vast improvement from my previous style but I find that I just want more. With my change I realized I had made the things I wanted most to happen. But that doesn't seem so true anymore. My desire for it grows more intensely as I near happiness but only to find that it is out of reach. It dangles before me as of to tease and only causes more pain. I can't help but fall back into depression. If changing my life could not bring me happiness, what more can I do? I've have learned to accept myself but it seems that a part of me die each day. I cry as I write this. I don't usually cry because I am a man. The last time I cry was when both my parents told me I was a mistake. The new lifestyle brought much joy but it is waning as it has proven to have minimal benefits. I still lack companionship. The pain of loneliness has spiraled out of control. Tears fall as I read my own writing. I truly believe that this is the best it will get, depression has sealed my fate. I can't take it anymore. Quote Link to comment
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