Jump to content

unexpected emotional response to first time anal sex


Recommended Posts

my boyfriend and i tried it for the first time the other day.

 

i wasn't really psyched at the idea of it, but i've done my research, and i am comfortable with my sexuality and i know it can be pleasurable. So i eventually agreed to try it, for his sake. Be opened minded, ya know, 'cause who knows.

 

It wasn't super painful, but I also didn't feel any pleasure from it. Also, that may have partially been from my mind not really being psyched, that I was just going along, not being interactive at all. But ok, we tried, kind of.

 

BUT I ALSO ENDED UP HAVE A HUGE NEGATIVE EMOTIONAL RESPONSE. like, i dont even know. after he stopped because he thought he was hurting me, i just laid there and kinda cried and didn't want to talk and couldn't look him in the eyes at all, just wanted to curl up. Completely out of character for me, because I like to keep things honest and on the surface, especially over important things like that. And he felt so terrible, like he hurt me, saying he'd never do it again, probably confused because i wasn't saying anything at all. idk. We've never had an experience like that... still haven't actually talked about it. But maybe we don't need to?... derp.

 

My question is though, have any of you ever had an experience like that? I have no idea where it came from..

Link to post
Share on other sites

Anal sex is 'dirty', it's fetishism.

Experimenting with anal sex can make it seem like a betrayal of intimacy, because it's all about fetish/sexual exploration, not love. It can make people feel as if regular sex is inadequate, that they are inadequate, that they feel the need to prove themselves as sexually desirable and 'fun' but at the same time, this makes them feel like sexual objects. And feeling like a sexual object is pretty traumatising, no matter how comfortable you are with your body and sexuality.

 

(I'm just throwing ideas out there by the way, not trying to make judgements about anal sex, just what the psychological reactions might be when trying it...)

 

I think your subconscious was probably having a freak out because anal sex is usually about fetish, not love/intimacy. I could be completely wrong, but that would be my gut instinct if I tried out anal sex and felt it was 'wrong'...

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Sounds like maybe subconsciously you were uncomfortable doing it, & deep down you didn't want to try it at all. Then when you actually did, you broke down. (Again, subconsiously.)

 

I wouldn't do it again. Anal sex is not good physically for your rectum, and now it seems to be proven that it isn't good psychologically, either.

Link to post
Share on other sites

yeah, i am not going to get into details but its the feeling that someone is using you for their own pleasure and satisfaction and you feel like a piece of meat and afterwards you feel empty inside because of how you demeaned yourself. Maybe it is unusual for a guy to explain this sort of thing but like i said i am not going to get into details, you should talk to your boyfriend and tell him how it made you feel and maybe that well help you a little. There are some girls who do anal and they have told me about their experiences, i think you need to use a lot of lube and start out small with like a finger or two, i think rubbing and touching helps a little but it is very very unlikely you will feel any pleasure because i don't think females have a prostrate gland that can be stimulated through anal intercourse so yeah its basically done for the guy.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Perfect explanation. I agree with lilylilylily. I think that it's just a matter of you not being comfortable about it at all in the first place.

 

To be honest, I wouldn't try it ( bc I have never felt the need or the desire to try it ).....and I'm actually pretty freaky and done a few more things more shocking than anal sex. But for some reason, anal sex just never appealed to me. It's the whole health issue of ruptured rectums, blood vessels are more sensitive ( and thus, passing off diseases faster ) and well....feces. I don't find any of those three remotely sexual.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 years later...

I came across this post while searching for answers myself. It really made me mad that every one is telling you that it's because anal sex is bad and you didn't really want it. There is nothing wrong with wanting it. So let me share my experience really quickly...

 

I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years, we love each other and he would never and has never pushed me to do something out of my comfort zone. We tried anal for the first time a few days ago. It felt good and I know we will do it again but once we were finish I got a huge rush of emotion and burst into tears. If someone else (maybe someone with a more open mind than the previous commenters) has had this happen or knows why I felt that way I would love for you to share. It was a very confusing and pointless out of the blue feeling of emotion and I wasn't prepared for it.

 

P.s. Yes I know this post is from 5 years ago but I stumbled upon it and thought I would put my two sense in from a different perspective.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...