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Just when I give up, things change...

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For those who have read past post this might make a little more sense.


Ok, I went to the wedding, everything was cool I had a really great time.

My ex and I where in the wedding. But hardly spoke at all, just nice hi's and bye's and small talk. But her best friend was all up my a** with qustions like; am I bringing somebody, do I have a girl friend, and so on.

Any way, by my ex's actions I was guessing she really didn't care much about anything any more so I was on the phone with this girl I'm seeing and she wanted to come by. So as I was talking with her some other girl on the couch (who I think was there just to take pictures) looked at me and said "not a good idea". This through me off, so I got off the phone and asked why. (She had been in the back room drinking with all the brides maids and came out to get something when she herd me on the phone) I guess my ex had been talking about me cause no one knew this girl.) I stated how it seems like she dosn't care any more, and she replied with "she cares". This took me off guard. This whole time for the almost 4 monts we've been apart, I started to let go, and now this... If a girl thinks and or wonders about her ex, why do they send the friend to scout for info? Why can't they just talk to us? It's kinda a turn off. Though my heart did jump when I herd she still cared. But it would have nice to hear it from her. So sense where still playing this game to act like we dont care any more. What can I do? Should I call her and see if she wants to go somewhere and talk for a while? I'm lost, but happy.

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I would call your ex simply to engage in small talk. Do let her know that it was nice to see her and maybe even mention that it was too bad that you didn't have time to catch up.


If you are really adventurous, ask her if she would be interested in meeting for lunch one day.


It sounds like there was a bit of emissary work on the part of her friends and others.


And if you really want you ex back, remember this principle...


whatever you want, believe, KNOW, that you already have it and it will be yours.... don't let fears, apprehensions or insecurities get in the way.


Good luck!

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I was thinking of asking if she wanted to maybe one night to take a walk down to this park and sit and catch up. Is this too big of a step. I don't want her to feel pressured to talk about us. We could talk about anything just as long as we could go for longer than 5 minutes without acting like we never dated for 3 years. Good idea, bad idea? PD

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Tread carefully my friend you are on dodgy terrain.

I definitely think you should contact her just to see. But be sure to protect yourself from disappointment. I would advise you to invite her the most casual non-commital thing you csn thin of. Maybe even something where you wont be alone and there wont be much opportunity to talk. That way you are covered. You can have your big chat at a later date \if there is one.


Best of luck.

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Okay here are my suggestions. Tthey may be a bit lame but you can use them as a springboard.

Have you anything of hers that you could return?

Is there a mutual friend that you could inquire about.

Is there some party, sporting or entertainment event you could end up with a spare ticket for. You could have a kindly mate to go with you for cover. A well-trained kindly mate knows when to go for drinks etc etc.

Have you any ideas you could run by us.

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Lord I would never pretend to be sure of anything. But I remember once being on this cat and mouse game with this commitment phobic guy. All signs indicated he was mad about me but he would hold back when it looked like coming to fruition. In the end I couldn't stand it any longer and asked him out. He turned me down. I was gutted but I still think I did the right thing because at least I knew and he could nop longer torture me with his games. Also he could never whinge to his friends about me. They saw him for what it was. It took balls to do it. I learned I had balls. I had confidence to try again because I knew what it was like to be rejected and I'm still standing. If i had waited for him, he would never have asked me ouw and I would have wasted four years with him instead of two.

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If it was her that ended it, it is up to her to rekindle it - if that's what she wants.

Your actions, or lackthereof have got you into the position that you are in now (her displaying vicarious interest)...so why not keep going along the same path?

By contacting her or making any steps that may suggest that you are interested you may very well give her a feeling of security that will keep her at bay.

She is the one that hurt you, she was the one that made you vulnerable....now it is her turn to display vulnerability. She should be making the effort to organise meeting up with you not vice verca.


She is displaying interest because you aren't displaying interest....so don't change your behaviour now.

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I'm kinda seeing someone, no one I'm really into, just something to do.

But her friend that was drilling me got this info and I'm sure told her. So I think she may not contact me b/c she thinks I'm with this other girl. You still think I should stick with no contact? Should I atleast see if she wants to meet up? All the girls I've talked to say to call her. And the guys say stay away. I'm keeping score to see who wins. But always looking for advise. PD

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I'm kinda seeing someone, no one I'm really into, just something to do.

But her friend that was drilling me got this info and I'm sure told her. So I think she may not contact me b/c she thinks I'm with this other girl. You still think I should stick with no contact?


Look at the board PD and ask yourself this question:


Do the people on the board whose exes have met someone else want them back more or less? Without exception, it heightens the desire to get them back.


Her believing that someone else is in your life is a GOOD thing. She doesn't know if it's serious, if it's casual, if you're really into her or if you're not.

She only has her imagination to answer those questions....keep it that way bro.

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Thank you very much for the advise. I like how you put it. Sometimes it's hard to see what you already know until someone else brings it into light. I wrote her a breefe letter here it is...


Hey! lets do something. I'm kinda busy this weekend,and on the 5th I catch a flight, buuuuuuut maybe after that Deja


It's short but to the point. I didn't want to jump into depth. I'm trying to keep everything on a friendship level. What do you think? PD

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I thought things we're over. I had no idea how she felt. I still don't.

This girl I'm seeing now is very simple. She's going through the same thing I am, and all we really do is lay with each other, and I comfort her when she's sad, and that makes me feel better. sure we do some other stuff but I'd Like to be back with my ex. But she told me to go, and so I did. And now this came up. What would you do?

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