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Guys, If you really like a girl will you ever approach her?


cranberry

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Well if she shows signs of interest in me I find it a lot easier to strike up a conversation.

if im really shy i can easily picutre my self staring at her from a distance and look down as i walk by her. Or id turn the other way and pretend im talking to a friend just to avoid eye contact.

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I think if the girl is interested, she should show it. She doesn't have to come right out and say it, but just be a bit more flirty and stuff. I think the reason guys are so passive is that most fear rejection. Everybody gets rejected, but that doesn't make it easier to deal with.

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lol, guys are too passive. I know i'm passive. I've caught myself staring at a girl before, pondering what to say. 99% of the time, i never talk to her. Just not easy for me. It would've been a ton easier had i been given just 1 single hint from a girl.

 

Drop him a hint ^^ he'll hopefully figure it out.

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I have had this experience several times. Where I notice a guy staring at me, but he never talks to me. There have been a few times where I regretted not talking to him, so now if I see this happening I will make the first move. I will chat him up and be slightly flirtacious at first. If I see him reciprocating the flirtaciousness I will then ask him out to lunch or for a few drinks and go from there.

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I think guys today are way too passive which is a turnoff to me.

 

I don't agree that guys are passive (maybe some are). I'm a true gentleman, and am a tad old fashion even though I'm only in my late 20's. Anyways I'll approach a woman, do some small talk, and make her feel comfortable. It seems that everything goes great, but by the second date, it seems like she thinks I'm up to no good. I guess some women think that any kind, polite, confident man is a player in disguise. Why can't women appreciate a great guy, instead of thinking he's there for one thing, which I'm not.

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lol, this thread is hilarious. Do u think if guys didnt do anything that the human race would even exist?

 

Girls only make the effort to chat to guys they like about 1:10 compared to men i.e. for every1 girl that has the guts to go up and chat to a guy, theres 10 guys doing it. So that point is extremely hippocritical if girls are complaining that not enough men make the effort. Take a good look at yourself (meaning all girls, not just the poster, do u try to chat up guys?)

 

And to say that men are too passive these days is also funny. In society today there are more girls willing to tell guys to take a hike if they try to chat to them. How u think that effects our egos?

 

The fact is if girls want us guys to chat to them, the least they can do if they get som1 they are not interested in chatting to them is to let them down nicely.

 

 

This doesnt go for all girls, but there are quite a lot who arent too pleasant out there. I have been told to basically "F off" by a girl who was sat by herself when I just went up to her for a chat. Luckily this has only happened once, so I found it more amusing than insulting/ego blowing.

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I don't agree that guys are passive (maybe some are). I'm a true gentleman, and am a tad old fashion even though I'm only in my late 20's. Anyways I'll approach a woman, do some small talk, and make her feel comfortable. It seems that everything goes great, but by the second date, it seems like she thinks I'm up to no good. I guess some women think that any kind, polite, confident man is a player in disguise. Why can't women appreciate a great guy, instead of thinking he's there for one thing, which I'm not.

 

 

First, are you saying you ask her out? Your message doesnt' say. If so, good for you.

Two, what in the second date indicates to you that she feels you're up to no good or that she thinks you are a player?

 

Yes I ask her out, the first date goes great, and by the second date she seems to start questioning my character. She asks "why aren't married"? you seem like a great guy, and "why haven't you dated alot of women"?

 

Just comments asking why I haven't been in many long term relationships and what not. I was a late bloomer when it came to dating (first date at 23) and I used to be really shy, but am getting better at talking, and expressing myself.

 

It just seems like we get along great, and then she never gets back to me, maybe due to the fact that she thinks that I'm really nice trying to play her, but I'm just a nice polite person, and can't help that. I'm just being myself, and maybe the women I meet are used to jerks trying to get them in bed after the first date, I don't really know?

 

I do have confidence, and have no problems in making a woman laugh and feel comfortable, but just can't seem to gain her trust enough for her to actually believe that I have only good intentions.

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The fact is if girls want us guys to chat to them, the least they can do if they get som1 they are not interested in chatting to them is to let them down nicely.

 

 

This doesnt go for all girls, but there are quite a lot who arent too pleasant out there.

 

 

Well it's too bad that girls do that because it seems they've ruined it for the rest of us. And yes, I know that there are girls like that. I haven't really known any in my age group though--unless maybe they were drunk, but if a guy goes up to a drunk woman then he is going to have to be prepared to deal with that possible reaction.

 

True, older girls arent so bad. Its only happened to me once anyway, but I have seen others getting blown out badly by girls which is harsh.

 

Im quite lucky in the fact that I have had girls come up to me, and even if im not interested, im glad they made the effort, so good for them. Im a shy guy so I don't make moves often unless i really believe a girl likes me.

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Maybe the reason more girls don't chat up guys is because how do we know whether or not the guy is just going along with it or if he did really like the girl in the first place?

 

When a guy approaches me first, I take it as a sign that he likes me (attracted to me, etc) and I admire his confidence to overcome his nervousness (I presume he had) to come and talk to me.

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very true. A general rule of thumb is that women want a dominant man. So if he comes up to her, then that shows confidence, which shows dominance. This is the reason women like confidence by the way. It is naturally built into them. Women naturally want a man who will be able to take care of her and her family. This is the key to the whole thing. Think dominance. So yes, girls do want guys to talk to them first, for this very reason. Remember guys, think confidence. Remember girls, if he is not confident enough to come up and talk to you first, then forget it. He isnt ready for you anyways.

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i am quite passive. i'm lucky i'm good looking though, so i get approached by some of the more aggressive girls. unfortunately, i find shy girls more interesting, so i'm still trying to work on being more aggressive. i've improved quite a bit though, just not quite there.

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Modernise. Its the year 2004. Times have changed - this isn't the old days when men were bold and went out and had jobs and asked women out all the time, and women stayed at home all day and made cakes and cleaned. To be honest, you can't have it both ways - women have become more manly, and men more womanly, if you get what I mean. Where i'm from I would say that yes males my age are passive, but the girls are more 'forward'. I have lots of female friends, and to be honest most of them have asked out more boys than I have girls. The times they are a changing.

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To be honest, you can't have it both ways - women have become more manly, and men more womanly, if you get what I mean. Where i'm from I would say that yes males my age are passive, but the girls are more 'forward'. I have lots of female friends, and to be honest most of them have asked out more boys than I have girls. The times they are a changing.

 

Times might change but biology doesn't. It's still in us to want a dominant man.

 

true true. by the same token, i'd prefer a more traditional housewife women as well, who cleans and cooks.

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true true. by the same token, i'd prefer a more traditional housewife women as well, who cleans and cooks.

 

That has nothing to do with biology. That is cultural change. There's no inborn drive that women have to cook/clean. There's no inborn need men have for women to cook/clean for them. There IS however an inborn drive women have to nurture. The ways that nurturing is expressed have changed over time due to economic and cultural reasons.

 

There is still a biological need women have for men to be dominant. CULTURALLY, the way that this is shown can--and has changed. While we don't NEED men to kill a wild boar for us anymore, we do need a man to show dominance in ways that are in line with our current culture.

 

i think cooking and cleaning is a woman's way of taking care of a man (as well as sex) and their family if they have kids. it's like nurture in today's soceity (taking care of the little things to make things more comfortable for a man)

 

just like confidence in dating skills is like dominance in today's society. in a primal world, women will just flock towards the alpha male, no need for any males to ask a woman out.

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I absolutely agree... guys are extremely passive now. Its not this way in other places I've visited. Although we girls should drop hints and be more approachable (I'm working on this!), guys should be less afraid of rejection and bolder - this may actually improve their chances!

 

I want to say one thing. It's funny how women no a days talk about independence etc. (which I do agree with) yet still want to have somethings stay the old way. That really gets annoying IMO. It's either all or nothing. Since this is the 21st century, a century of new beginnings girls should be able to make the move once in a while if they see a guy they like as well.

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Sorry but I think your opinion is wrong here. The whole ideal that women need to be taken care of can be considered a cultural issue as well. I mean think about how society has presented men and women over the years:

 

Men = gathers, hunters

Women = caregivers, take care of the hunter after he gets home by preparing a meal for the feast etc.

 

Momma always said go find that prince charming/knight in shinning armor. You're a damsel in distress who needs saving etc. etc. So IMO your points represent a cultural issue as well, not a biological one. So don't get mad at asdf for saying what he said when basically you said something similar. I mean if women still want the stereotypical man to go out and "kill the boar" so to speak then why can't we say we want women back in the kitchen cooking, cleaning and making babies?

 

For the record I wouldn't want a stay at home wife but I'm trying to make a point. Then again I shouldn't be surprised at you getting upset over what asdf said. Seems a lot more women want to have the cake and eat it too (honey go take out the dishes/cut the grass, fix the leak in the toilet that's being a man, but no I'm not gonna cook for you make your own stupid dinner/not cleaning either).

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Well, personally I never asked anyone out. I dropped hints to keep guys around, but I never asked them out, because "asking someone out" lowers success rate by a lot, at least from a girl's stand. I would have asked bf out if I cared less about our success rate. I DID give him a kiss on the cheek and run home as his signal that he can advance, and when he never bothered to "ask me out" I did have to yank that "girlfriend" word out of him. Well, he didn't ask me out. He just went ahead and decided that we're together without notifying me. Whatever works I guess.

 

 

Female do have the instinct to nurture I suppose. However, mine only goes as far as putting him to bed and taking care of him when he's sick. Making sure he's wearing something nice and eating right? I can't even make sure I'm eating right. That's more like, his job... wearing something nice... I couldn't care. I'd be in love with him if he decides to show up in jeans at New Year's Eve party, so, whatever.

 

...and all you guys think cooking and cleaning are part of "nurturing"... boy are you wrong. I have a full apt of girls who have their bfs clean up after them.

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wow...i was reading all of the replies posted and it seems like no one can really settle on the "traditional" gender roles that seem to be the issue at hand here.

When looking at domestic labour and how it applies to women, it is clear that the subject is very touchy. Through history society has categorized men and women and assigned them different roles. Today things have changed and are moving away from the "stay at home" role that women have traditionally been assigned. At the same time, men are moving away from the dominant night in shining armour figure that has been attached to them. Of course there are always exceptions. Generally speaking, I feel that this large shift that has taken place over the years is why men and women are in constant conflict with one another on issues such as approaching or asking someone out. Women are more aggressive but at the same time we are still confused about how aggressive we should actually be. We spend most of our time working on the roles that society present to us, that we lose sight of the task at hand (that is actually approaching the person!). I think that this is always going to be an issue, we are social beings, we care about how others percieve us so we are always going to be playing a role of some sort. I guess what I am trying to say is that the next time you want a guy to approach you, think about what is more important to you.....talking to him or playing or taking on your percieved "role". If you decide that you would rather talk to him, get over there and do it!

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I dont think guys are more passive these days. I think it's been like this for a long time, in fact who got the idea that woman used ot get approached by men a lot? Where did they state something like that? Was a survey showing a decreas in men-approaching-women made???

 

In my opinion, I personally feel a lot easier to talk to people i have no interest on but yes i do find it ahrd to approach girls i like. I dont think its got anything to do with my passiveness but instead its the weird feeling in my gut and how i care too much about how I look or act.

 

My guess is its the fear or rejection that really gets me down and in fact I dont think the T.V shows we watch help much either. it always shows one men, approacing one women, and getting blown off with one of the most mean-spirited sentences.

 

 

I've watched too much Johnny Bravo

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Why in the world should it be all or nothing????

 

B/C when you pick and choose pieces of the pie it confuses people. Additionally you're saying guys are supposed to act totally in the traditional way (dominance, kill the boar, ask the girl out) in other words we have to go all or nothing. If we become to passive, sit back, not be as aggressive then we're wimps who don't deserve women. Yet women can pick and choose what piece of the past they want to mix with the future. Want to work 9-5 etc. won't cook for the man b/c a man can do it himself, yet the guy is the one who has to make all the moves. That's the rules. BS and definitely a double standard.

 

Sounds like you must have had a few bad relations that have turned you off to men or something. Not my fault. I can bet you 80% that if you would've shown me the guys you were interested in beforehand I could've told you if they were dogs or not. Maybe if you happen to have any close male friends you could ask them to opinions on a guy you're interested in before you get totally serious. All it'll take is one or two occasions for that good friend to tell you whether that guy is an idiot or not (unless he's one himself). If he looks like a fratboy, athlete girls, stay away b/c you should know 9 outta 10 times they'll break your heart. Of course flashing all that "bling" so to speak in makes most of you women weak in the knees and very vunerable. How sad

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