jul-els Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 I posted earlier about a relationship I started a couple months ago. I've cut and pasted it below to familiarize you, the reader, with the history. Here's the earlier post I made on the subject: I have a friend I've know for 20 years. I have been friends with her and her husband all that time. A couple years back the two of them split, due to her infidelity. I have stayed friends with both of them since then and hung out with them separately since thier split. Well the girl of this former couple, we'll call her Kate, started hitting on me a few months back. I was just ignoring it at first because I'm friends with both her and her husband and I didn't want to create hard feelings between anyone. Recently though her and I have gone out and done more things together and she kept dropping hints about wanting to sleep with me. I'm a man, I've always wondered what it would be like to have sex with her. When I was hanging out with the former husband, we'll call him Joe, I told him exactly what had been going on with her and I and that she was hitting on me. I wanted to get his reaction before I decided whether or not I would make a move on Kate. He told me "do what ever you want with that ****, just don't tell me about it". The reason he said that is she cheated on him multiple times in their 20 year marriage (with 2 kids) which was the cause of it ending. He told me that she was still seeing the guy who she last cheated on him with, who is about 20 years younger than her. So after being honest with Joe about what was up and getting his opinion, I went ahead and made my move on Kate. She was all for it and we had sex this weekend. I know it's what she wanted, she made it pretty clear in subtle ways. I haven't had sex in a long time and I decided I would go for it. So afterwards when we parted the next day we told each other how much we enjoyed it and I suggested we should do it again sometime. She kinda hemmed a bit and said she wasn't looking for a boyfriend. I told her that's not what I meant, that we were just friends and it would be a no strings situation. She smiled and made a little joke about it and hugged me. So to me I see it as two friends enjoying each other sexually and I wouldn't mind at all if we continued it in that fashion. I know she's seeing at least one other guy (which she doesn't know I know) and that's all good with me. I don't condsider her as serious girlfriend material. So the thing that brings me here, enotaloners, is a message she sent me yesterday, on the evening of the day we last saw each other. The message was thanking me and saying it was unexpected (which is kinda odd, since she was hitting on me) but really nice. She said the food was good, the conversation was fun, the movie was good, that I was a gentleman and she really liked making love with me and that it was a very nice date. She also said that we should do it again maybe next weekend. In my reply to her I thanked her, told her I enjoyed her company as always and that making love with her was wonderful. I said next weekend looked like a good possibilty and that we would touch base during the week. I wished her a great weekend and put an "xo" at the end. Now here's the part I'm wondering about and maybe I shouldn't be. She replied again saying, "Ok you. We shall talk." I mean that's cool, right? It just seems like a different tone to me than the previous message. I don't think I said anything that could be construed as offensive though. And I know texts can sometimes be easily misconstrued when it comes to the tone that the person intended when sending it. So what I'm wondering is if I should call her tonight and just say hi and see how her weekend went. It's been a day since we had sex. Or should I just cool it and wait another couple days to call her. I don't want to seem anxious or desperate. Your opinions are appreciated, thanks for reading. Ok, so that's the history. The replies I got were helpful. Everyone basically warned me that she didn't sound too good and that I should be careful. But I figured we both were in it for the sex so I could get a few more rendezvous out of it. Ok, something really weird just happened with this girl. We have still been hooking up occasionally since the first time. Two additional times, to be exact. The last time we were in bed she was asking me (as she did the time we were in bed before that) if that when we hung out in future if I would have sex on my mind. The first time she asked it, I said "I'm a guy!" and we both laughed. The second time I said, "Yeah probably, but that doesn't mean I expect it". Then I said,"But it's like we said before, no strings. I'm not trying to tie you down. You can see whoever else you want. I'm not going to ask you about that, okay?" She said okay. When she went home we were saying goodbye and she asked if we would talk soon. I said yes we would. She called me the next day and said she wanted to stop by because she had a cd that she got and I had to hear it and borrow it because it was really good. I said sure. So she came by, we listened to it a bit and she told me about the concert she had been to the night before and how good it was. As we chatted she mentioned a couple of other artists she liked that I just happened to have so I let her borrow them. It was just a brief visit and she had to go as she had things to do. That was Sunday. I hadn't talked to her since then and today I sent her a message on facebook saying hi and asking how her week was going. Her reply to me was "Noooooio". That's it. I wrote back and said, Huh? No, what? Really weird, huh? Strange. Looks like it may very well be time for me to cut out of this situation. Am I missing something or is this girl just losing it? I think it's the latter. Link to comment
RedDress Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 I think you have to wait until she answers your question. It can mean anything, really. Link to comment
jul-els Posted October 12, 2012 Author Share Posted October 12, 2012 Yeah she wrote back. Said, "Taking a couple weeks". I said, "That's fine, no worries. Just saying hi. Sorry, didn't mean to bug ya. Take all the time you need. You know where to reach me." That was kinda rude of her, I must say. Oh well. Hopefully she won't contact me again and it can just die out. Kinda melodramtic on her part, I think. Don't need that. Link to comment
RedDress Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 Yeah - that was pretty rude. And kind of... self-centered? It's as if she knows you want her so bad that you'll know that "noooooo" means that she needs you to back off a bit? Because it's all about her... Ugh. I think you should back far, far away from this one... Link to comment
jul-els Posted October 12, 2012 Author Share Posted October 12, 2012 Yes I agree, RedDress. What a weirdo. And a disrespectul one at that. I'm done with it. Link to comment
jul-els Posted October 12, 2012 Author Share Posted October 12, 2012 Ok, she's still a weirdo, but something else happened. I am a bass player and in the message I sent her today I said, "Hi, How's everything. Hope your having a good week. The song I'm working on this week is really tough, it's gonna take me at least a couple weeks to get through it." That was the entire message. I just didn't mention the song part of it here because I didn't think it was relevant. Now she just wrote me back and said. "No, I said noooo to you taking two weeks to finish the song." I just replied and said, "You weirdo! Way to communicate." That's were it stands. God, women can be unpredictable. I don't know if she's just toying with me or what. She's being very weird at the moment, that's for sure. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Dude stop contact with her now. She knows you are super hinting around that you want a repeat. Make her come after you. You are busy with women who are available and not loony. She knows you hadn't had any in awhile and she kinda blew your mind. Back off fast and be more unavailable. No, dont go and text her that you will not be available... Just be busy. You are coming off as desperate for a repeat.. Ou gave that away from the get go with xo. Bad move. Link to comment
Helis4life Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Ok, she's still a weirdo, but something else happened. I am a bass player and in the message I sent her today I said, "Hi, How's everything. Hope your having a good week. The song I'm working on this week is really tough, it's gonna take me at least a couple weeks to get through it." That was the entire message. I just didn't mention the song part of it here because I didn't think it was relevant. Now she just wrote me back and said. "No, I said noooo to you taking two weeks to finish the song." I just replied and said, "You weirdo! Way to communicate." That's were it stands. God, women can be unpredictable. I don't know if she's just toying with me or what. She's being very weird at the moment, that's for sure. Mate, shes not the weird one here. Check out your post here Yeah she wrote back. Said, "Taking a couple weeks". I said, "That's fine, no worries. Just saying hi. Sorry, didn't mean to bug ya. Take all the time you need. You know where to reach me." That was kinda rude of her, I must say. Oh well. Hopefully she won't contact me again and it can just die out. Kinda melodramtic on her part, I think. Don't need that. You Totally misread that. And you freaked when she didnt reply straight away. Tells me your getting weird about the whole situation either because a) your keen on her or b) worried shes going to restrict your access to the honey pot. Link to comment
jul-els Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 Dude stop contact with her now. She knows you are super hinting around that you want a repeat. Make her come after you. You are busy with women who are available and not loony. She knows you hadn't had any in awhile and she kinda blew your mind. Back off fast and be more unavailable. No, dont go and text her that you will not be available... Just be busy. You are coming off as desperate for a repeat.. Ou gave that away from the get go with xo. Bad move. I don't care about the xo part. If we can have sex but not handle a vitrual xo then that's beyond a waste of my time. I talked to her on the phone last night to see what was going on, as texts can sometimes be misread, especially when the person on the other end is being cryptic. But we talked, she prattled on for about an hour about her job and didn't let me get nary a word in. Bored the heck out of me. I won't be talking to her again unless she makes contact. Mate, shes not the weird one here. Check out your post here You Totally misread that. And you freaked when she didnt reply straight away. Tells me your getting weird about the whole situation either because a) your keen on her or b) worried shes going to restrict your access to the honey pot. Totally misread what? Her inability to communicate in a clear manner? Maybe you should re-read my post. "No", is not an intelligble answer to the message I sent her. Neither is "taking a couple weeks". It's a bit odd at the least. I've been friends with her for 25 years, so I care about her in that sense but if she's gonna act looney I'm not even going to care about that much. I honestly don't care if I have sex with her again, I had my fun. I don't care what she thinks about that one way or the other. I was just trying to think that we could be two respectful adults having some fun together, but it's not looking too promising. I've made all the contact I'm going to at this point. Link to comment
Helis4life Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Totally misread what? Her inability to communicate in a clear manner? Maybe you should re-read my post. "No", is not an intelligble answer to the message I sent her. Neither is "taking a couple weeks". It's a bit odd at the least. I've been friends with her for 25 years, so I care about her in that sense but if she's gonna act looney I'm not even going to care about that much. I honestly don't care if I have sex with her again, I had my fun. I don't care what she thinks about that one way or the other. I was just trying to think that we could be two respectful adults having some fun together, but it's not looking too promising. I've made all the contact I'm going to at this point. Ok Ill elaborate for you From your posts I gathered your conversation went like this: You: How's everything. Hope your having a good week. The song I'm working on this week is really tough, it's gonna take me at least a couple weeks to get through it. Her: Noooooio You: Huh? No, what? Her: Taking a couple weeks You: That's fine, no worries. Just saying hi. Sorry, didn't mean to bug ya. Take all the time you need. You know where to reach me Her: No, I said noooo to you taking two weeks to finish the song. You: You weirdo! Way to communicate. So based on your posts I believe you did misread that conversation. And I think you got freaky from her first response "noooooo". Anyway it doesnt really matter, I dont think she isnt acting loony or weird in anyway, but I do think your as your keen as a blade Link to comment
jul-els Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 Right. You've got the facts straight. I'm not trying to say I didn't misunderstand her, I don't know where you're getting that idea from. The whole reason I started this thread is because I didn't understand her. If you don't see how it's possible where I could of, then I don't what to tell ya. Insults aren't much help though. You're better than that. At least I like to think you are. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 OP, why are you wasting your time and mental energy on the confusing nuances of someone who has a serial, proven track record of gross lacks of integrity? It doesn't matter what this one convo meant. It's all going to end badly, one convo more or less. Even if you separate sex from love, you can't separate sex from the person. Link to comment
jul-els Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 OP, why are you wasting your time and mental energy on the confusing nuances of someone who has a serial, proven track record of gross lacks of integrity? It doesn't matter what this one convo meant. It's all going to end badly, one convo more or less. Even if you separate sex from love, you can't separate sex from the person. Very concise. You couldn't be more correct. Why? Lonliness and horniness. Bad reasons. I had my fun. That's a pile of doo doo I've been guilty of stepping in more than once in the past. I like to think I've learned my lesson. Especially after all I've been through. The sex was really good, but whatever. I need to close the book on this one. By the way tov, I'm sure you don't remember me but I used to hang out here on a regular basis a couple few years back. Your advice has consistently been some of the best on this site. Thanks. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 The sex was really good, With a side order of doo doo. I think you know what needs to happen here. Of course I remember you, jul-els. You used to have a bass clef for an avy. (And clearly, you do remember me, since as you point out, this was astonishingly "concise" of me, eh? heh heh.) Missed ya, and while glad to see you again, and can sympathize with your fix here, I have to agree this doo doo is a no no. (or a don't don't?) Link to comment
jul-els Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 With a side order of doo doo. I think you know what needs to happen here. Of course I remember you, jul-els. You used to have a bass clef for an avy. (And clearly, you do remember me, since as you point out, this was astonishingly "concise" of me, eh? heh heh.) Missed ya, and while glad to see you again, and can sympathize with your fix here, I have to agree this doo doo is a no no. (or a don't don't?) Hahahaha. That's funny because it's oh so very true. I did invite her to a concert as a bday gift, but hopefully she won't take me up on it. If she does, guess I'll just have to bear through it. No real way to back out of that one now. I'll have to wait and see. Thanks again, tov. You rock. Link to comment
Moonphase Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Sorry but I don't understand what you need advice about? You simply misunderstood what she was saying and are calling her looney for YOUR misunderstanding. I don't get it. Link to comment
jul-els Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 I think she's acting a bit looney, but as tov pointed out, my opinion on that is a bit irrelevant. It is what it is. It's really about what I'm willing or choosing to accept or not to accept. I have a bad previous history of settling for way less than what I deserve. I don't need to do that to myself again. Link to comment
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