gtnovru Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 He broke up with me via text 7/31/12, telling me to move on... I texted him 4 weeks later about business matters, he was mostly cold, then he texted me a week later telling me sorry about everything, then he texted me a few days later asking for the name of my therapist, I responded giving him information. That was 3 weeks ago... nothing until... he texted me twice tonight... "Hey, how are you? Just wanted to check up on you." - 5pm "Are you ok? Just a simple yes works." - 8pm Thoughts people? Please help. I haven't responded. What does he want??
delicous Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 he wants to know if you are going to jump to his stupid bread crumbs hes trying to drop on u..................... I wouldn't ignre, but thats me and its always kinda gotten us back together in the past, but each to its own. Then again, it depends on how you two broke up, id need to know a l more background and how you two broke up to know what this actually means..... I would of responded the first time, yea, im good, thanks and thats it!!! nothing more....But now that youve let a few hours go by, id just see if he text again, or beter yet, Id call him and say yea, im doing good, thanks, how are you? oooooor i dunno, do u want him back or are you trying to get over him?
Pleasedonot5 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Respond, "Yes, I'm doing fine thanks through text. Two likely possibilities: 1) He feels guilty about what he did and wants to alleviate his guilt by checking up on you. 2) He's had a weak moment and is throwing out breadcrumbs to you see if you're still attached. Neither case means he wants to get back with you -- he most likely doesn't. In either case, it's best to act nonchalant and unaffected by what he says and does for now.
MasterPo Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Delete. If it's important he can meet you in person. Unless of course, you want to get bits and pieces from him. I'm guessing you want better things for yourself. You broke up, means he has no access and somebody sweeter, kinder, etc. does. I wish you luck.
gtnovru Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 Is it okay if I don't respond? I love him with all my heart... but he hurt me beyond belief... He used me for money, was a deadbeat, I kicked him out, then later begged for him back, he strung me along for 5 months, lying to me, talking to other girls, barely making time for me, etc. then I got pregnant... he wanted an abortion, I told him he'd have to swear not to leave me... he promised, said he loved me, then went MIA the day after the abortion. I texted him for 3 days begging for answers... he finally texted back telling me to move on and leave him alone... I can't trust him. I love him and miss him immensely, but he was horrible to me : (
MasterPo Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 he finally texted back telling me to move on and leave him alone... That's what he wanted. Take care of you first. When you are strong and in a good place, you can revisit the reconciliation angle. I think you know what to do, I can't make that decision for you. One of the things about healing, making decisions that are rough but can only benefit you. Good luck.
intolerable Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 You can respond, but don't engage in small talk. Like he said, a simple 'yes' would do.
delicous Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I disagree with not engaging in small talk....its okay to engage in small talk, but don't ask open ended questions and don't respond with open ended answers, unless its about being really happy or excited about something... Believe me, I know this game oh tooo well, I got burned at the end by thinking to deep into it..... But had I not played the games both of us engaged in, we may have had a real big chance of making it. I believe that with all of my heart!
SoLost12 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Ugh, based on the way he treated you- DELETE. Especially because you still have feelings for him. You don't owe him an answer, regardless of how much you care. It's you thinking of how he feels instead of how YOU feel again. Your initial response to this text seems to be that you SHOULD NOT text him back. Run with that !!! Start following your gut- you know best! (You cannot trust him. He is NOT close to be what you deserve in life.) He's contacting you for what? Just to see where you are in this process. Does he still have a hook? Maybe if he's started therapy he's realized a few things, feels guilty. Great. He has a conscience. No longer your problem. (It is great that he's taking measures to fix his disrespectful, horrid ways- However, there is no Great change going on here that wouldve manifested in 3 weeks. And if there was he wouldve texted you THAT.) He wanted you to 'move on and leave him alone' ? Well great. Part of the price to pay for that little wish is that he now has to WONDER how you are. And it should stay that way. Disappeared after your abortion with that text... thats SO UGLY. Gross Gross Gross!!! Let him understand, for once, that his ways do not get a perpetual free pass. You have limits- and he has LOST.
JA0371 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I agree with this word for word ...heed this advice!
delicous Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 gtovru!!!! I didnt even notice it was you who posted this!!!!!!!!! Youve been wanting this for a long time....I can't say take my advice, but I can say, I wish Id of taken my own!! Goodluck sweetheart!!
intolerable Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 THIS. I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that you went through an abortion. With that kind of history, I'd say drop him.
Angel Irulan Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I don't know what he wants but why did you give him the name of your therapist? That would have freaked me out if any ex I'd had asked that. Why does he want to know? They're MY therapist and he can find someone else. He likely does just want to know how you are. I'd leave him be. It sounds like the type of contact you are getting with him is upsetting you. Don't tell him that, but extinct the behavior by refusing to respond. Angel
delicous Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 he prob just fishn for somethin to talk about
gtnovru Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 It's been a tough week, 9 weeks into the BU... and I BEGGED God on Monday to let me hear from him. He hadn't asked how I was doing at all since our BU... and I pleaded to God, asking for some sort of contact like this. And last night I got it! And it was amazing. I really needed that. When you've been tossed to the curb like garbage, hearing from that person... especially them "checking in" is amazing... My heart was bleeding all week, and I really needed his texts last night. I never responded. I don't know why he's contacting me. A guilty conscience? Is that even possible for HIM? Or is the grass not greener for him after all? Are things not panning out for him like he thought (girls, family, work)? Does he have regrets? I'm not sure at all... But it's gonna take more than "just checking in" for me to respond now. I gave him my therapist's name a few weeks ago... because I wanted to help him and because I wanted to keep talking to him (I told my therapist about this, she won't be able to see him anyways for conflict of interest reasons). But I have nothing more to say to him right now. I'm still very much in love with him. It would be like winning the lottery for him to put us back together, make things right and devote his life to me (and for him to get some much needed therapy/counseling). But until he's saying words along those lines (therapy, regret, reconciliation)... until he's begging for me back and vowing to make A LOT of changes... I have nothing more to say to him. Thanks for reading and giving advice guys! I really hope he's wondering about me.
gtnovru Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 gtovru!!!! I didnt even notice it was you who posted this!!!!!!!!! Youve been wanting this for a long time....I can't say take my advice, but I can say, I wish Id of taken my own!! Goodluck sweetheart!! Delicious - Yes I have been wanting this! I had a "feeling" that I would be hearing from him soon... but then again I felt like maybe I never would... and then it happened! Whew, I really needed that.
delicous Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 Gtnovru.....so your hopeing he will keep trying to contact you, yet you didn't respond?? It sounds like games vs wanting to be with him....Believe me, it doesn't work when you play games, the Gods above may have answered your prayers, but why after all that praying would you not contact him back????? I understand if you don't want him back, but if you do, ....??? Either way, CHEERS to him contacting you, can you do sme praying for me now?? lol
Pleasedonot5 Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 Didn't realize your backround story. You owe him no response. Seems like you figured that out, so I'm glad for you. Make this (NC) your plan and stick to it!! You're better than this guy and the sick, twisted manner in which he handled this situation. Stay strong!
gtnovru Posted September 29, 2012 Author Posted September 29, 2012 Yes, I wanted him to contact me very much, I really wanted to hear from him... But I didn't respond because I didn't want to get pulled back in... I'm not strong enough for rejection again. One, I still don't trust him at all... He'd have to do a lot for him to trust him again. And two, if he rejects me again... I'm just not strong enough for that. It makes sense in my head, sorry if I'm not articulating it very well...
gtnovru Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 Thank you for this! He texted me again Friday night, I ignored him again. And this morning I'm tempted to text back - but then I read your comments again - and it gave me resolve back. Thank you! I want to be with him so badly. But after what he did to me, he's gonna have to do better than just a few how are you texts.
Robin2904 Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 You did the right thing by not responding. This text screams to me him trying to see if your still available to him. "Hi, I'm going to act like I care because really I want to make sure your still going to be there hanging on a string for me if I call" My ex would do this to me, I remember the first text he sent me after we has broken up and and after not hearing from him in weeks after he treated me like dirt (Didn't even check to see how I was after a 5 hour ride home) 'Just wanted to say hi and are you okay?' I regret answering, trust me. It just will suck you right back in again like you said. And I don't know your story very well, but I don't think not answering is a game. I think its one thing to WANT contact from an ex, its another thing to get it. I would cry myself to sleep some nights, praying, begging God for him to contact me, and when ever he did, it was always this momentary wash of relief, followed by this awful feeling because you KNOW if you do reply it will be a never ending circle. So I understand your feelings. Sorry, too long of a rant lol but not replying is the right thing here.
gtnovru Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 You answered and what happened? You got sucked back in? Yeah, I've done that same begging to God, multiple times.
SoLost12 Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 YES!! Awesome!! So happy to see you acting your worth. And I agree with above, it's not at all Game Playing to hope for this type of contact, and not respond. Especially after being treated poorly. It feels like a little bit of validation, makes you feel a little less crazy to feel like they are wondering about you even a little bit... after you've had them on your mind (and in your teardrops) every second of every minute of every GD Day... aaargh. Even while things have been a bit better, I'd be lying if I said that sometimes when signing into my email- I don't catch myself holding my breath hoping to hear from him. Hell, last night I got a random text at 4:00AM and my heart skipped a beat thinking it was him (Wasnt. lol he's in rebound heaven) lol But I sympathize entirely. When we were left so hurt... a text feels like a bit of justification for the time/effort... love we put in (and so often, did not have returned to us). Keep up the great resolve lady! Proud of U ! Thank you for this! He texted me again Friday night, I ignored him again. And this morning I'm tempted to text back - but then I read your comments again - and it gave me resolve back. Thank you! I want to be with him so badly. But after what he did to me, he's gonna have to do better than just a few how are you texts.
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