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It's his birthday today

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and I am quite sad that I can't say anything to him. So, just to recap, he texted me a few weeks back and I haven't been able to stop thinking about him since. I thought I've been doing a pretty good job with moving on, but apparently not. Cause one text yanked me out of being inerested in someone else to just having my focus on him. For me it was a short-lived but deeply felt relationship. So many signs that it was right - I mean some were just crazy unbelievable coincidences. And the feeling was mutual - there was even talk about being "the one" and all that jazz, and the "battle between his logical and illogical sides". Then out of the blue I get "You know, I'm not looking for anything serious right now", and then nada. Until a few weeks ago. We never had sex, so the whole thing seemed even more genuine because there was no attachment on that level.


And I keep going to his page once in a while and looking at the stuff he posts and the songs he posts. I can't help but read between the lines and leave myself hanging by that invisible hook... So, I guess I want to avoid texting/emailing to him. I asked him not to contact me, so I don't want to inflict that pain on myself. A part of me kind of want him to drunk call me... jeez what's wrong with me? I mean, I think if he truly felt "the one" stuff he'd contact me no matter what, right? He'd be persistent, he wouldn't be afraid to look like a fool, because that wouldn't matter. What would matter is making sure I know.


Ahh, wishful thinking? "What if" syndrome? "Grass is greener" syndrome? What the hell is it that keeps my mind so preoccupied and the heart aching?

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