I'm a worrier.

[dudette]

I've been seeing someone for about a month and a half now- exclusively for 2 weeks. Although we haven't had the boyfriend/girlfriend talk because we're trying to take it slowly, and cautiously.

 

I know it's all been said and done before. I posted a couple of weeks ago about him texting someone pretty constantly one of the nights we hung out, and I found out that it was his ex-girlfriend. He fessed up and I told him I was really hurt, and that she had no place in us being together or not. I'm not quite sure why he wanted to tell her that he was dating someone else (they broke up a year ago, and he hasn't seen anyone exclusively since)- other than just to let her know. I've done the same thing in the past. He also shares everything with everybody, which is why I know about his past relationships and he knows about mine because he wanted to talk about things like that (I feel) way too early into the dating thing. After talking though, he agreed that he wanted to try this, he was scared, and that he was going to focus on us and stop talking to her. So far, he's generally not on his phone around me, he doesn't seem to have any problem with me holding his phone, etc, etc.

 

But the problem is, in my last relationship I was cheated on 2.5 years into the relationship with someone I thought I would marry (typical, right?), and I'm finding it harder than I thought to trust again. Now I feel like I'm in competition with this ex-girlfriend when I wish I had thought she was out of his life. I don't think he'd like if I brought it up again, and I know that if I want to make this work at all I'm going to have to trust him. He's introduced me to his friends, we hang out regularly, etc.

 

So because of my fractured trust here and there, I find myself worrying on a daily basis whether or not his feelings have changed for me. I know it's my own problem, and I don't want to bring him into it and scare him away, but I'm constantly wondering if he's changed his mind about things. I don't even remember what it feels like to settle into a relationship and feeling confident in it. I spent a long time being single and becoming confident in myself, but when it comes to me as part of a couple, I'm terrified.

 

I really just wanted to rant, but if anyone has any advice, I'd be really grateful.

[JA0371]

Hmmm, I think these feelings are normal. And until you have a longer more established relationship, you might have these lingering feelings. As long as he is stable and consistent in his actions, then you should trust him and what he says.

[laninaperdida]

If you haven't had the BF/GF talk then you are not dating exclusively.

As of right now, all you've agreed on is that you're seriously seeing each other & taking things slowly.

It sounds like you're on you way to a legit relationship & I do believe most relationships progress the way yours is, but don't consider something what it isn't just yet.

This makes him seeing his X allowed.

It's not desirable & it'd be great if he didn't, but he's not your BF... he can see whichever X he wants to.

If you keep this in mind it'll take the pressure off you & him in this relationship that isn't quite a relationship yet.

I also think the trust issues you have won't seem as big if you realize that you're still in the beginning stages of this relationship even though you want more.

Other than just try to relax.

I know it's hard... I'm a suspicious person myself, lol.

Go a little easier on yourself, too, OK?

I find myself worrying (for no real reason) simply because I care & I want it to work so badly.

You may need to pick up a new hobby just to keep yourself from going insane.

 

Basically, JA0371 said exactly what I'm trying to say in a lot less words, lol.