Hurting hard

[Trizzy]

I have been on and off with the man I cheated on with my ex after the break up we both ended up single and my love for him grew but he remained the same, I made the mistake by coming back to him and coming whenever he would call, all my friends said the same thing, he is an ******* and using you so stop talking to him or use him for sex. I tried using him for sex for the last 6months on and off we would get in huge fights because I would want more and he wanted to just be friends with benefits. But we saw each other often and I had a key to his place however everytime we had an absolutely amazing time together I.E a whole weekends or traveling together which we have done he would always remind me that it doesn't mean anything and that we could never be in a relationship. After the last great weekend we spent he said at lunch after church we could never date but he did consider a few times. I asked him when he considered since this whole mess his responses have been the same "he's not looking for a relationship, he could never see himself with me because we are both players, all the time we spend together is just friends. So when I asked him why didn't he ever say anything he said well you know I have issues and your behavior ruined it, I look at you now and know I could never be with you like that. I know I am a pure idiot for ever going back with him but I seriously showed this guy more love than I had ever shown to man in my life. I don't understand it. He has done the same with his last girlfriends but he now says that he was considering marrying both of them. We have been friends a while and he always said he was telling his significant others he wasn't looking for a relationship and that he didn't want to be with them yet he would call them and lead them on for years going up and down. I told him he is doing the EXACT same thing with me and he said that I was very mean and hurtful for saying such things and that the reason we don't work is because I too dramatic. Is it dramatic to question a man I am staying with often? I know he used me and played with my emotions. My friends say I have absolutely lowered myself and looked like a carpet for this guy to walk all over. Our final argument he said your my homie and if you want to ever talk I'm here and I said I can't even be friends with you after everything that has happened and he said ok no problem. I did a lot for him, paid for him when I am jobless and he's making good money and loved him way more than he loved me. I don't ever want to look this stupid ever again. I am so hurt and I just want to move on. He clearly NEVER cared but stringed me along all this time I just want to move on but I am so down and depressed. I usually date nice guys that would never treat me like this but to him I'm a crazy ***** and to me his is the meanest jerk I have ever let into my life. How do I move on?