Should I not go for it? He's sixteen years older...

[LonelyMoondancer]

I posted a while ago about liking my neighbour, who I assumed was about eight or so years older than me. I talk to him here and there but have yet to really sit down and get to know him. I like him right now on a sort of superficial level I guess- I find him attractive, and he's super polite and modest and caring from what I've seen. He's also so respectful to my mother, who treats him like a son. Anyway, my mom is friends with his aunt, and they discussed setting the two of us up, but the aunt said that age might be an issue. That's when we found out he's sixteen years older than me.

I personally don't think I mind at all. In terms of dating, I believe it can work, as we're both family-oriented and mature, and he's working while I plan to start working next year. I was ready to pump his aunt for what he thinks of me, but now I'm not so sure I should. Maybe he minds the age difference? I know he's single, so on one hand I think he might appreciate me having interest. But maybe he'd think I'm way too young. Should I try to find out what he thinks? Or just forget this? I really do want to get to know him, I think something could be there. But I don't know what he's thinking.

[Roxie84]

The worst thing you could do is not try. You also have the added benefit of people trying to set you up together.

 

He's also older and more mature, therefore if he decides he is not interested, there won't be any difficult feelings.

 

The only thing that raises some concern for me is that you are neighbours, and he likely remembers/sees you as the very young neighbour (like a little girl). Although you are grown up now and are gaining a greater understanding of what you want, it may be hard for him to see it that way, as only 5 years ago, you were illegal to date lol

 

But all in all, it's worth a shot. You have nothing to lose unless you don't try

[Natasha24]

I think it depends a lot on your situations.

 

You say you're not working, and it sounds like you live with your parents. It also sounds like he lives on his own. That alone might make the age gap jump out to him, it might make you seem like a kid to him.

 

On the other hand, he might not care about the age gap at all. I would suggest asking his aunt what he thinks of you. Be casual, say something like "Oh yeah, you were talking about setting me up with so-and-so the other day. Is that because he has mentioned me before?"

[SapphireNoir10]

Age doesn't matter. Theres 15 years between my parents. They had 2 children. Been married very happily for 23 years

[PaintWithLight]

The downside is not the age gap. It is that he is a neighbor and way too many people are involved in helping to set this up. I do not understand. If you think he is keen, then why not walk up to him and get the party started? There is an element of "I will only like him when I can first confirm that he likes me...." What is your real insecurity here? Are you worried that he doesn't like your looks? or that he thinks of you as too young? What is your real fear?

[pl3asehelp]

If you're 22, I think this age gap is way too big. You guys are at entirely different stages of life. Sorry to say, but in my opinion at 22 you're not really an adult yet. You need a few years of having your career and supporting yourself 100%. He's been doing that for a long, long time. I'm 36 and don't think I could date a 22 year old. I talk to 22 year olds occasionally at work and they seem like a different species to me, nothing remotely like a woman my age.

 

 

If you were 32, I don't see a problem with a 16 year age gap at all. It's just your particular age and the massive amount of growing up you're going to do in the next 10 years. It's much more than any other 10 year period that will follow in your life.

[xonicolemarie]

I think it really depends on the circumstance and who the person is, not the age.... I have an 11 year gap..im 22 and hes 33...while someone like "pleasehelp" might think it wouldnt work out, i totally disagree...I know 22 year olds who have had full time jobs for a few years and their own place....and my boyfriend and I are completely happy and dont even notice an age difference....the age gap isnt what u should be worried about

[MN322]

Be careful, I liked a neighbor older than me too, and now he wont even speak to me, its so akward and crappy. I cant even tell you