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becoming friends with the ex.... what would you do?


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I've been feeling pretty good the past two days. I know it's only been two days but it's a significant change to how I've felt since the break up. We've been over for a month now.


My question is, should I try to be friends? Not now of corse, but in a few weeks or so if I still feel fine, or should I leave it up to him? I've always been the one who tries both in and out of our relationship and I was always the one trying to be friends when we broke up. So do you think I should just leave it for good, and if he wants to be friends let him come to me? Sometimes I feel like it's the right thing to do, but then if he rejects me or doesn't want to be friends I'm scared it may set me back after I would have come so far.


So what do you guys think? Since I've done all the trying in the past should I just leave the ball in his court for good? What would you do?

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May I ask why either of you would want to be friends with your ex? They dumped you. They wanted you out of their life ... why would you want to be friends with that person? It is completely upto them to come crawling back and beg to be your friend. Don't clutch at straws by trying to keep them in your life. It's like holding onto sand.

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Totally agree with soloman9


You are just opening yourself up for a very painful experience.


Stick to total NC and do not give them the pleasure of knowing you are thinking about them.


Your ex is not the person you remember in your relationship.


They finished with you and do not want anything to do with you.


Only break NC if there are determined to contact YOU rather than you contacting them.


They have your contact details so if they want you back or to be friends then its up to them.


Just remember the moment they ripped your heart out.


Sorry to be so blunt but.................................

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I can see wanting to be friends with an ex. Just because two people aren't good romantic partners doesn't mean that they wouldn't be good friends, especially where they have history and fondness for each other.


BUT not right away. Not after six weeks or ten weeks. Trust me I have tried and it doesn't work. You need time to heal and even if you feel fine now, it's not truly permanent until you have much more time under your belt. You need to be far enough away from it that you can see it objectively and not hold a grudge any longer. When you can honestly say to yourself: "I would not take him/her back if given the chance" and mean it, then you're ready.

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You cannot be just friends with somebody while you are in love with them.... it just will not work the way you want, when you no longer have those feelings ....why not ? If you are a real friend...you will have them leaning on you with their problems with their new person and that is difficult to hear when you are still emotionaly invested.


Detach your feelinds first ..and remember you cannot force a friendship, it just happens (imo)

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Will . Not. Work!


One month after a breakup is a very short time and you may have gotten to the point where you don't wish you were dead when you wake up in the morning, but that doesn't mean you're over him. The fact that this desire/attempt to be friends is so important to you shows that you are still emotinally dependent on him and may well be fooling yourself by telling yourself you are OK with 'just friends'.


How will you feel when the ignores you? Shows up for drinks with his new GF? Acts indifferent to you and like you no longer really mean all that much to him?


Really, the world is full of people you can be friends with, so you don't need to chase after someone who dumped you. You may EVENTUALLY be able to drift back into being casual friends, but that usually means you catch up on the phone once every few months, meet up at a party now and again etc. It just cannot go back to the way it was before.


And it is 100% correct that trying to be friends when you are still in love just doesn't work. The relationship at best is false and strained because you are busily hiding your agenda (you still love him and hope by being available he will change his mind and love you back). And he will constantly wound you (unintentionally) with his indifference and his changed behavior because he is treating you as a friend and no longer as someone who is really important and special to him.

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I guess it depends on the breakup. Mine ended pretty messy with him devaluing me and blaming me for everything. Then, never reaching out. Nine months later, I've realized that I don't particularly want someone like that in my life.


Also, why bother if you have always been the one doing all the work? Friendships last when both people reach out and make an effort. I know it seems unreal to not have this person in your life in the future, but when my ex left, others stepped up and took his place. Those people are who I consider true friends.

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I am eventually going to be friends with my ex. I have no hard feelings towards her but she broke up with me because she didn't want to be a stepmom to my kid. That doesn't make her a evil person it just makes her honest with how she was feeling. I still need time to heal from the relationship but she was and is someone I love and care about in my life.. we don't get many people in our lives we feel that way about.. if you both enjoy each others company and can accept that its over, just because they wont be "yours" doesn't mean they can't be positive people in your life.

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I have ended up being friends with all my exs, but literally a year or more down the line and by complete accident. It wasn't a planned "Let's be friends" thing, it was random and completely unexpected when I had totally forgotten about them. It's nice having a good relationship with them now, but definitely not ready for friendship with the most recent, although I am sure at some point in the future we will cross paths and I will completely impartial and happy to go for a drink whilst he talks about a new girlfriend.

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Thanks everyone for your opinions! I definitely do not think I was ready to be friends, and tonight I found out through a friend that he has apparently 'strong feelings' for another girl already when we've only been finished for a month! So I guess tonight answered all my questions anyway, I have no intention of ever contacting him again. I don't understand how strong feelings can happen after like two weeks of talking to someone especially after a year long relationship with your 'first love'.


Regardless though, I think this will help me move on once and for all so in a way I guess it's a good thing.

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