How do I stop judging?

[LSgirl]

Tonight I was at an event with some friends. One acquaintance I know were talking and we were talking about her relationship with her husband and she had mentioned that she doesn't like to have sex with him and that she misses having one night stands and friends with benefits and is tempted to cheat even though she doesn't think it'll be worth it. She wants to convince her husband to be a swinger so she can have fun. Stories like this I know are very common, but I can't help but feel disappointed with people when I hear about a girl who's husband loves her but she is tempted to cheat. I also noticed she likes to flirt and likes attention and assuming she needs this kind of validation or misses it. I've seen her even touch my bf's arm once when she was talking which kind of bugged me but I didn't mention anything because she probably does that to many men.

 

So my problem is, I feel turned off even as a potential friend when I heard that. I don't understand why people would want friends with benefits or one night stands when they could have a healthy relationship that they made vows to be in. My other friend who I'm close with is in a relationship and would never cheat, but she is a huge flirt and even admits to liking attention and I don't understand it. She's a confident girl but she just likes attention. I myself do not crave that kind of attention or validation and I can't help but judge them.

 

Tomorrow night I'm supposed to go to a casual dinner with my friends and both those girls will be there. I invited my boyfriend, but now I'm just tempted NOT to go. I can just imagine them talking and wanting the attention the entire night and I'm just not sure I even want to be around that because I'm so turned off. The girl I'm close with I enjoy being around although I've always known she likes attention, but knowing the other acquaintance girl will be there, I fear I just won't be able to stop judging and giving dirty looks inside my mind (I don't show this on the exterior). How do you guys let it go and not let it bother you? I know it's not okay to judge, but I find it a turnoff when girls seek out so much attention.

[Your Prince]

They deserve to be judged, in my opinion. I'm disgusted by these people. They seem like just the abhorrent undesirables that I try to avoid, to little avail. The fact that you can't tolerate them shows that you're a better, more mature person than them. I told my ex,"If you don't like her, don't be her friend anymore".

[LSgirl]

I feel like other people don't judge and I'm always just secretly judging . I've never had a one night stand nor would I have the desire to cheat or ever an interest in having friends with benefits, it actually kind of disgusts me to think people do this and want to be so flirtatious while they're married. The acquaintance girl I rarely see but the entire time she was talking to me, I noticed she wasn't even wearing her wedding ring. I asked her why she didn't wear it and she said that it was too loose so she left it at home. wow really? maybe that's true, but after what she told me I highly doubt that. As for my friend who is close to me, she's very good to everyone around her and I admire her EXCEPT the quality that she needs attention and knowingly admits it. She pushes many boundaries with her bf but he's oblivious and seems to be okay with it. I sometimes tell her that the way she behaves is not okay and she usually understands but she doesn't actually do anything about it.

 

Should I still go to the dinner tomorrow with my bf? I had no idea that the acqaintance girl was invited until tonight and now I don't really care to go. To deal with two attention seeking girls would be too much for me since there's only going to be 8 or 9 of us and I'm bound to have to watch her talk about herself all night and who knows maybe try to get attention from even my bf lol

[Shane505]

LSgirl why can't more women have your attitude when it comes to attention from men while being in a relationship? My ex was an attention seeking girl just like your friends. Eventually she acted on it and cheated.

[Your Prince]

Only go if there's someone there who you really want to see & you think will go farther from the whole group with you. Otherwise, you're not being forced to go, just say you didn't feel like going.

[Chalk]

You find it easier to put yourself in others shoes and treat people like you would like to be treated. I do the same & it's irritating when other don't!!

[Seraphim]

Just feel sorry for them They are obviously not happy with themselves and have deep seated unhappiness and are very insecure. You can be polite. You don't have to be their best buddy.

[Michele32]

They deserve to be judged, in my opinion. I'm disgusted by these people. They seem like just the abhorrent undesirables that I try to avoid, to little avail. The fact that you can't tolerate them shows that you're a better, more mature person than them. I told my ex,"If you don't like her, don't be her friend anymore".

 

wow i think this is a little harsh? who are we to judge another person....and disgusted? that is a strong word! just because someone can't "tolerate" them doesn't make them a better person. i don't know....just my two cents....

[LSgirl]

The thing is, I don't feel sorry for them as much as I maybe want to so I can get over situations like this. Both girls are very confident, sexy, live healthy (physically) lives. Don't know too much about the acquaintance, she's very pretty but her attitude towards her husband really turned me off. As for my close friend, everybody loves her as she's really sweet and very sexy and confident and a great mother, she's just needing attention from other men besides her boyfriend that can kind of annoy me sometimes.

 

I'm not sure if I'm still going to the dinner as I called out sick today from work because I wasn't feeling too good. I feel a little better now but I'm not sure if i'm up for the mood in this dinner as excited as I was. The acquintance girl is also bringing her baby and my friends invited another friend. I kind of prefer to keep plans the way they were as it was originally supposed to be 4 couples but now it'll be less intimate and there were will be a baby and more people. Nothing against babies, I just wanted something a little more chill and quiet with just us close friends. But who am I to say they can't invite anyone else. It's not a huge deal really, and I shouldn't let that girl stop me from enjoying myself, but I won't know how unless I stop judging. I feel like girls like her and other stories similar to hers make me lose faith in humanity. I know that not everyone will have the same beliefs/values than me and doesn't make me better than them at all, it's just hard to watch people behave a certain way and not FEEL an emotion towards it.

[pl3asehelp]

People have to judge. You'd cease to be you if you didn't. Everyone judges all the time. We each have our own values, morals, and standards that we conduct ourselves by. There's absolutely nothing wrong and much that is right about not wanting to surround yourself by choice with people like your friend. You should surround yourself with people you admire and look up to, not people that disgust you as your friend does and would me. It's about having self confidence to take a stand for yourself, not give in to peer pressure, and look out for yourself - keep on judgin', or be a weak follower.

[Seraphim]

The thing is, is that if they are looking for attention from every man they are NOT confident. You just think their outer exterior is. Inside what they do not discuss with anyone is how little esteem they do have. Women with good esteem do not need attention from every man with in 50 miles.

 

If you have a problem with judging then the problem is with you really. Just don't be concerned with what other people do in their lives unless it impacts you. It is called having a finger in everyone's pie.....just keep it in your own.

[Sportster2005]

They deserve to be judged, in my opinion. I'm disgusted by these people. They seem like just the abhorrent undesirables that I try to avoid, to little avail. The fact that you can't tolerate them shows that you're a better, more mature person than them. I told my ex,"If you don't like her, don't be her friend anymore".

 

Maturity is about maintaining the dignity of other people despite differences in beliefs. Being able to see beyond behavior you disagree with and respect people as fellow human beings shows character and maturity. Intolerance of other's behavior that does no harm you does not make you better. Feeling you are better than someone because you don't approve of someone's behavior is based on self opinion not fact.

[itsallgrand]

I don't see a problem with recognizing when someone's values and behavior does not match your own, and understanding that this is a person you do not want to get close to. Knowing that in itself, is helpful, and so long as it does not become a game in your head where you start thinking mean thoughts about her or acting poorly - then simply choose to limit your interactions with her as much as you can. That is reasonable. We don't have to like everybody.

 

I wouldn't be comfortable with her behavior, knowing her feelings and values as she has expressed them herself, around me either. I wouldn't choose to spend time with her. I don't think this means I judge too much - I think it just means I know how I like and who I don't, and I'm old enough to decide who I want to spend my time with.

 

If you do find yourself in situations where she is around, you can try to steer the conversation in other directions other than men - relationships - sex. You can try just not paying her much mind, if she is getting on your nerves. You can try all kinds of different things to try and focus on her good qualities - you've mentioned a few you see in her, so try and focus on that when around her.

 

It's ok not to like everything about everyone. But if you want time to be pleasant with them, the best thing I know to do besides limiting time spent is focusing on the good ....the best you can.