unanimous123 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Hello ENA, Me and my gf are in a relationship and live together for more than a year now. Thing is, we've always been fighting about the same issues that my gf requested for space because things are so "hot" between us now. So, I guess I'm looking for success stories wherein you gave each other space and you work it out and end up stronger than ever? or will it be the exact opposite? I am thinking of going back home where it will be a two-hour drive. I really don't know what to think anymore; I wanted so much to work through our problems together, but she seemed to think that we can work through it apart? She said we spent too much time together (we live under one roof) and she said she needed time to miss me and probably by doing so, we'd fight less. Has any of you here loved a person so deeply but requested for space nonetheless for the relationship to get better? So,what do you think? does giving space help a relationship? Please share your stories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Depends. If it is a healthy relationship overall then yes it can recover. If the whole relationship is a rough patch then probably not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snny Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Recently? When my fiance and I lived together several months ago, we had these roommates (owned the house) who were sloppy as all get out... had dogs that were imbreeding and stuff... and brought in the roaches. The fact my fiance could not stand up to them (he kinda knew them and they all grew up in the same country) and the roach issue got worse and worse caused me to move out and live with my grandmother until I finished my job contract and moved back home in another state. My fiance was FURIOUS. He was really pissed when I packed my bags and left without saying a word. We didn't talk to each other for a couple weeks. We almost tossed our engagement out, partially because of the stunt I pulled (I did it for my own good). I had to tell him that I could no longer live in an unsanitary environment and feel a roach crawl up our bed in the middle of the night. Seriously... it was THAT bad at the last place I lived in. He finally came to his senses and realized how the living environment was 1. Stressing me out and making my moods become very erratic (on top of working in a high-stress environment when nearly all the employees, including myself, were being laid off) 2. Becoming a major health hazard. He eventually got sick from food poisoning (which roaches carry) After I moved out, he followed me a month and a half later... until he had to transfer schools and I moved for a new job 400 miles away down South I was very fortunate that my fiance and I worked stuff out. Most couples who end up moving out don't stay together. Be prepared for that when you move out. if you guys can't get a hold of your arguments... why continue the relationship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unanimous123 Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 It has become a pattern. We're both too stubborn I guess. recently, I showed her I changed my ways to work on this relationship, the way she wants it to go. She just couldn't see it. Thing is, she wants to keep in touch when I move out, I told her that if I were to move out, I cannot be her friend and will not communicate anymore as I am trying my best to move on with my life. We had a talk about taking it slow, but I really can't be left hanging on a thread while I move out of the house. If you love someone, shouldn't we be working things out together instead of apart? What good can come from working it apart? Ijust don't understand her anymore. Sorry, I'm upset while typing this so I suppose it won't make much sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unanimous123 Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 Depends. If it is a healthy relationship overall then yes it can recover. If the whole relationship is a rough patch then probably not. There are only a few problems in the relationship. She insisted that seeing each other everyday is what caused the fights. She swore up and down that there is nobody else and I trust her. Why is she needing space though? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nykell Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 "space" can sometimes be the death of a relationship. You should research the metaphor of "The Bird at Sea". It's often been said that a relationship is like an actual shipping at sea. It's just you two (shipmates or crew) and you have nothing outside of that "ship". If there are problems on a ship there is no where to go. You have to work it out or go down on a sinking ship. But a bird at sea signifies that you are nearing land (a way out) . The crew (you and your girlfriend) of the ship will see that bird (person or opportunity) and began to get stir crazy lol That "space" is just opportunity to meet someone or get away from the relationship with a clean break lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 I disagree with a lot of what has been posted here. It may or may not be relevant to you, but you could try googling "avoidant and anxious attachment styles/personality". It might be that the dynamic of your relationship is that your girlfriend has a lot of reasons why she feels a need to have lots of space, and that you are quite a different personality type and feels a need for a LOT of closeness. When these two types of people get together (they oddly often attract each other), they push each others buttons of insecurities - in your case, her fears of of being engulfed or suffocated and your fears of ?abandonment, rejection, lack of intimacy. There are ways to stop this dance - no guarantee that it will fix up your relationship but might make you a happier and more secure person within yourself and you will come to know yourself more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unanimous123 Posted October 2, 2012 Author Share Posted October 2, 2012 "space" can sometimes be the death of a relationship. You should research the metaphor of "The Bird at Sea". It's often been said that a relationship is like an actual shipping at sea. It's just you two (shipmates or crew) and you have nothing outside of that "ship". If there are problems on a ship there is no where to go. You have to work it out or go down on a sinking ship. But a bird at sea signifies that you are nearing land (a way out) . The crew (you and your girlfriend) of the ship will see that bird (person or opportunity) and began to get stir crazy lol That "space" is just opportunity to meet someone or get away from the relationship with a clean break lol Cool metaphor there! Yes, I agree. I think we're both okay to spend time and see each other everyday for as long as we're not fighting. At the start of the relationship, we spend everyday together and none of us get bored...until the times when we fight and she goes to meet up with her friends, while I meet up with mine...though at the end of it all, we're still together under one roof. Just recently, she agreed to give our relationship a chance and stay together, but we both have to make a conscious effort not to fight as I think the relationship cannot really take another blow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unanimous123 Posted October 2, 2012 Author Share Posted October 2, 2012 This may or may not be the case with us. I mean, if we are not fighting, we both have fun and there's so much love there and we genuinely enjoy each other's company... Though, when the fights come, we both want to avoid each other. LOL. Nevertheless, I think that there has to be some "me" time every once in a while as we need to miss each other as well. The fights are mainly caused by me, after all. During the break, I realized that I have to change my attitude to give this relationship a shot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
figur Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Do you live in a one room apartment? Sometimes the desire for physical space is ignored to the point that they are emotionally pulling away from you. When I lived with a boyfriend he would almost never let me be alone in a separate room. It caused a lot of resentment on my part and a huge desire for space and was part of the reason the relationship failed. Giving her space now before it gets worse is a good thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unanimous123 Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 Do you live in a one room apartment? Sometimes the desire for physical space is ignored to the point that they are emotionally pulling away from you. When I lived with a boyfriend he would almost never let me be alone in a separate room. It caused a lot of resentment on my part and a huge desire for space and was part of the reason the relationship failed. Giving her space now before it gets worse is a good thing. does it also matter that the reason why she basically needs space is because we constantly bicker, mainly started by me, and wanted to just get a peace of mind? Now that we are back together, as she gave me another chance, I have learned my lesson and would not start a fight anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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