What's his deal?

[niceandslow]

I've been dating this guy who I think is pretty awesome. He is the nicest guy I've actually ever dated. He has so many amazing qualities, and I'm attracted to him in so many ways. Not to mention, he is an amazing kisser. When I kiss him, I feel so alive. I cannot read people at all but I thought he was pretty into me too. He texts me a lot and tells me feelings are mutual but sometimes actions speak louder than words. Even though he says he is into me, he never makes an effort to hang out. I've tried to fit seeing him in my schedule but he hasn't made the same effort. He has made plans with me 3 times in the last week and something came up every time. He seems like an honest person but it is happening way too often. Its just hard to understand how someone thinks about you all day yet they are now too tired to see you. I feel he is either not that into me or he might have a girlfriend. I really like this guy and really want to see where things go but I don't like his flakiness. How can I talk to him without freaking him out? Should I continue to date him or just end it now?

[HeartGoesOn]

How long have you been dating him? Either way, if he saw you as a priority in his life, nothing could keep him away.

 

As far as how you can talk to him, I would view this as actions speak louder than words...

[MasterPo]

Have you talked to him about this?? Maybe his idea of hanging out is to be alone with you not so much a social setting. My EX was a social girl and although I tried to be there for her, it made me uncomfortable and soon I found myself dreading Fridays or holidays.

 

Some guys have no clue what other half wants/needs and a few talks may clear that up. I hope it works out.

[niceandslow]

We have been dating almost 2 months. I was actually set to bring up some stuff to him tonight but he flaked out again.

[ToF]

Maybe it's time to just bring it up over the phone? Since the nature of the problem doesn't lend itself to talking to him about it face-to-face, it might be necessary to talk to him about it via a phone call (NOT texting -- a phone call). Tell him that you would much rather have this conversation in person, but his flakiness has made that pretty much impossible, and that you're getting the vibe that this isn't working out on his side.

 

Personally, after him flaking out four times I wouldn't even bother trying to talk to him about it. But that's just me.

[Monet00]

A man that flakes is not to be taken seriously...no matter how great of a person you think he is.

 

Be with someone that treats you as a priority, not an option. You are worth more than what you are lowering yourself to.

 

XOXO

 

- Momo

[delicous]

grrr actions do speak louder than words....Id speak with him about it, but don't be emotional and give YOU statements....just tell him how you feel and if it continues the actual actions you will take.....

[Ms Darcy]

Beginning of the end. He likes you in his mind but he's not that into you.

[Klokwurk]

Whoa, I dont know about that... Ask him about it before finalizing anything.

[greta96]

I've dated one of these (minus the him texting me often part), he would hardly make plans to hang out, and when he did, he would flake 90% of the time. It is annoying and makes you feel unwanted and like you're his last priority.

So from my experience, I will have to say move on, he's just not that into you. As I came to find out, mine was dating other women on the side (or maybe I was the side, who knows...) and cared very little about whether he sees me or not. He just cannot commit to anybody, that's who he is.

When I tried talking to him about his making plans and flaking on them, and about him respecting my time, he accused me of being "one of those nagging women" and yes, he did follow through with the plans we had that week, but only to re-start flaking again after that. So talking about this subject rarely works...

 

Actions speak louder than words, and this applies to you too. Take action, stop contacting him and asking him to hang out. If he does ask you out, you could try saying nicely, in a joking non-accusatory way "are you sure you can make it this time?" ...and if he bails again, stop answering his calls/texts. If he really likes you, this will be a wake-up call. If he doesn't, he will stop trying to contact you, which would have happened anyway, at least you'll know exactly where you stand.

[niceandslow]

I told him how I was feeling yesterday and this was his response: I understand how you feel. I do want to hang out with you but I have to put my job first since i'm always under pressure to meet deadlines. Which makes it really hard to date and that's why I suck at dating.

 

I know his job requires weird hours but I still feel that he can put in more effort like on the weekends. I'm so conflicted.

[ToF]

Well, this is where you decide what you want. He's given you his answer, and, assuming he's being truthful, this is something that will not change about him.

 

Your needs aren't being met. Period. And his answer gave absolutely no indication that he's going to try and make more time for you -- he all but told you, "This is how it's going to be, take it or leave it". So now it's up to you to, well, either take it or leave it..

[Ms Darcy]

So that's why I say "beginning of the end."

 

You stated your feelings. Great!

 

And his response. My job is my priority. In other words ... I am going to continue acting the way I have been acting.

 

You are not happy with how he is acting. You also know now that it is not going to change.

 

I would advise any woman with self-respect move on. It's ok for a guy to make his job a priority. It's not ok to stay with someone who makes you not feel great and who tells you that they will continue to do so.

[Batya33]

I had highly unpredictable hours in my career, for many years. A few men walked away, probably assuming that my rescheduling reflected lack of interest. I told men my schedule up front, told them I might need to cancel at the last minute for work and hoped for the best. I always made it clear that I wanted to reschedule and always had times in mind that were not far off. I actually did best dating men who had similarly crazy schedules.

 

If he's not trying to reschedule ASAP then yes that is a major issue. Think about whether you'd be friends with a person who behaved that way, much less dating him.