Doing things differently... how very empowering it feels...

[nutbrownhare]

I won't go into my back story particularly except to say that I'm taking 2012 out of relationships to ground myself in a new town and learn the lessons of a particularly difficult relationship which ended just before Christmas.

 

I'm very clear with any guy who's interested that I'm single, but not available - and why - and let them take it or leave it. However, I have plenty of male friends; there's one who I only know online but he's been getting in touch with me nearly every day for the last couple of months via FB chat - and will make jokey comments about whether he's 'in with a chance'. Again, I've been very clear about my situation.

 

He has recently made some quite disparaging remarks about my work - these were like water off a duck's back - and today launched into more of a diatribe. He was rude, disrespectful, offering unsolicited advice about things of which he knows little... and my alarm bells went off. I recalled a phone call with my ex, very early on in the relationship, where I was trying to tell him about my internet connection being down and what I was doing about it, when he launched into a shockingly rude, disrespectful rant on the lines of "Well it's not going to get better if you just sit there doing nothing, you **** blah blah blah..." before I managed to get a word in edgeways to tell him that I'd been on the phone to the ISP for an hour. I came away from that call with my alarm bells ringing. And ignored them.

 

I can't tell you how many times I've wished I'd paid attention to that inner voice. Today, I did. I had to end the chat quite abruptly because I had to go to work, but after I got back I've changed my settings so that he won't be able to see if I'm online or not. No more chat. Interestingly, he did state that he was going to make some 'very patronising, potentially relationship-destroying' comments, and my view today is something along the lines of "Well, you said it..."

 

I guess he was hoping I'd contradict him. I guess he was testing the water to see if I'll listen to this sort of stuff and keep going back for more.

 

I'm not.

[MasterPo]

Good for you, glad you stood up for yourself. Now you get to hear some groveling and apologetic excuses, makes me wonder what he will say. Ahhh, no matter.

 

I like your signature but I recall another version; "never teach a pig to read. It's a waste of time and it annoys the pig". har.

[markie6]

NBH , you think he feels extra rejection because he knows you're single , and still not interested because I have had experience with that a lot. I know before me and my ex got together, I was getting plenty of interest from colleagues at work , who plainly didn't like the fact I wasn't interested, when I was forced to be honest , some of them even blocked me on FB...

 

When the ex and I split, all of a sudden I am getting friends requests from the same 3 women, now I know full well the smell of blood is in the water , but why do people not get it you would rather be single ( or healing ) than be with them... I think it's all ego and perhaps a little of what you cannot have.. some like to chase. I tell them politely, but honestly....

 

When people fancy you , and you would rather stay home alone, than with them ... I think it makes their ego explode... and then the bitter barbs come flying.

[nutbrownhare]

He asked me if I wasn't talking to him any more. I told him that I'd felt freaked out by the last chat. He responded that he still had the last chat, and there was nothing on there that I should have got freaked about. I quoted him on the 'sickening, potentially relationship-destroying, patronising comments' he was about to make, said that I agreed with his assessment and that I wanted to leave it there. I came back a while later to a total rant and the comment 'NOW can we leave it there'.

 

This is the point where boundaries, accepting what's my stuff and what's his, and an appreciation that the way people behave and interpret events is saying something about THEM, and not about me - really come into their own.