Wow

[OverYou]

My ex and I were together for 5 months but we fell for each other, our relationship was fine (a few normal arguments but thats healthy) and sexually we were a great match. I'm British and she's American but we went miles past the novelty factor, we were as serious as you could be after 5 months and I'm very close to securing a full time job in America that will keep me over here beyond my currentl deal. Anyways to cut a long story short we broke up a month ago as she sat me down and told me she still had feelings for her ex and this was triggered when he called her the night before. I didn't really have a say in the matter, she was pretty much set on being alone when I arrived at her place to deal with this after apparently spending the whole day crying about us and talking to her mum who advised her she shouldn't be in a relationship. It was only the day before we spent pretty much the morning and afternoon in bed together, her telling me she loved me before I left to leave her and her friends from to have a "girls night".

 

Her ex cheated on her and treated her like she was nothing. This was made clear when I met her friends, they pretty much said that is how he was and to hope I treat her right etc etc. Consider it a friendly warning haha but I adhered to it, she was my girl and I would never hurt so much as a hair on her head. She also confessed she has spoken to him on one or two occasion while we were together which to be honest, it's not that she spoke to him, I mean they have history but it's the fact she never told me. I'm still on speaking terms with my ex girlfriend, doesn't mean I want to sleep with her so I understand people can still be on speaking terms with ex's and it mean nothing.

 

Since the break up she has told me not to contact her in any way as it wouldn't help neither me or her and I haven't heard a peep in a month. She has deleted me, untagged herself in pictures of us on facebook and has pretty much fell off the face of the earth as far as contact from her goes. For two weeks after the break up I was in contact with her best friend who told me she (my ex) has very strong feelings for me, she misses me, misses talking to me but it's conflicting with feelings for her ex she had compartmentalized and she needs to deal with this alone. She also said my ex told her I was the perfect guy and if it wouldn't work with me it wouldn't work with anyone else. I asked her friend if she still has gifts I gave her in her everyday possession (wallet etc) and she said my ex still carries them. I have since stopped contacting her friend as I really don't want to put her in the middle and I know pretty much all I need to and want to right now. Her friend also said being in any form of contact with me would cloud her judgement.

 

My ex told me she doesn't want to go back to her ex boyfriend, she just wants to be alone. I mean I intially made the mistake of pleading my case, I told her I would stand by her and help her through this but she was set on being alone. Anyways I've accepted it, there's nothing I can do but I will admit to still holding alot of hope she'll reach out and I think you can see why. I know feelings are there for me and all avenues are still open for communication, she hasn't blocked me from anything nor have I of her. I also know her mum was dissapointed we had broken up and to all her friends we were "the cutest couple in town", I got one really well with them all and they all really liked me and her together.

 

I'm just not sure what to do, wether to let her go and the hope of her coming back or wait for her. I do love her and if she was to reach out we would have alot to work on, her getting back some of my trust for one which is by no means a small matter, but right now I think I would be willing to do it. I'm past grieving, my heart wants her back but my head is thinking clearly.

 

I'm just feeling like I've been dropped like a stone and I'm kinda like, I guess I need to let her go but do I chose to fully move on....

[iamkaylee]

It sounds like she wasn't completely over the prior relationship and did the right thing by breaking it off with you. As crappy as it is now, it would have been worse to have happened later.

 

Let her go, focus on you and try to move on. If she still has feelings for you and they are genuine, she may get back in touch later. Don't sit around waiting for her holding out hope though. It could be a very long, very cold wait for nothing in the end.

[april15]

You get to live life. Put her out of your mind as much as you can and just live life. Don't pursue anyone new unless you want to do so. Focus on things other than dating and relationships with women. Become a black belt, write a novel, bike a century, perform on The Voice.... whatever floats your boat (sail in the ocean).

 

The point is the is plenty to do without focusing on a woman. If she comes back, great! If you meet someone new while living your life and move on and away from the ex, great! Either way you are moving forward. Dwelling on the ex while she does or doesn't get better on her own accomplishes nothing.