About being in love...

[lipstick red]

Being in love, being in a relationship, I guess it's all interchangeable at this point.

 

I've been in short and long term relationships but not that many so I've actually spent the bulk of adulthood single.

 

There are times I lament for 'him' to show up and think 'yea, I'm totally ready to be in a committed relationship'. Then there are other times I go 'I think I prefer to be alone and not deal with my partner's neuroses and all.'

 

I like being in love, but sometimes I'm tired or way too busy to deal with the friction that comes along of being in a relationship.

 

I've been told that I'm a catch but to be honest, I still have many flaws to work on. I guess I know my strengths and weakness. Only human after all.

 

I've had plenty of time to find myself and work on myself that sometimes I feel like no guy can ever measure up to what I have to offer. I guess lately the guys that come by my way have been, uhm not ideal (wait for it, lied that he has an almost teen daughter - sorry deal breaker).

 

Does anyone feel like they are at a crossroad?

 

The reason I'm asking is, the law of attraction says you manifest your reality. So it almost feels like I have to make a solid decision, if I want or don't want to be in a relationship. I'm also scared that the older I get, the men I meet are likely to have baggage that may be deal breakers.

 

Sorry if this post is all confusing, guess I'm confused? haha

[reptilegirl]

This post reminded me of myself. While I just got out of a relationship with a divorced man with kids, and 10 years older, I could see myself being single for quite a while. I'm picky and tired of relationships that last 4-5 months then end. Most seem "taken" even in my age-group. I'm worried about the baggage thing as well. I loved my ex's kids but the relationship with my kids and his kids ( and that his kids lived with the grandparents) brought a lot of doubts in my mind. People have told me, "you will just know" when you find the right one... I don't know.

[chitown9]

The older you become the potential dating pool becomes less and more complicated. Fewer people are available as they are already in a committed relationship and their lives are more complicated because more time has elapsed to have children and unhealthy relationships. Just something to think about. ..chi

[becomingkate]

The reason I'm asking is, the law of attraction says you manifest your reality. So it almost feels like I have to make a solid decision, if I want or don't want to be in a relationship. I'm also scared that the older I get, the men I meet are likely to have baggage that may be deal breakers.

 

I believe that you have to trust in your own instincts, and know what you're looking for in terms of emotional and sexual connections before you start looking for a relationship.

 

From my own experience, and from what I've observed of my friends after separation or divorce, if a woman doesn't spend time on her own, not just to regain financial independence but also re-evaluating what went wrong in the previous relationship, you're doomed to end up with friction, neurosis and other baggage. It seems like my friends keep picking the same kind of guys with the same kinds of issues - emotionally unavailable, drinks too much, spends too much time online, talks to girls online. I think that most of them jump too soon, settle, or think that they can change someone by loving them.

 

After my husband died, most people were shocked that I would want to re-couple within a year of his death, because the last five years had been brutal. But I thought that if I just worked on myself, (my co-dependence, control issues, parenting, and financial security) I would be able to make a better choice when I actively started looking.

 

I didn't actually meet my husband until 20 months after I was widowed, and he had the kindness, determination and wit that I'd been looking for. He also came with loads of baggage (a child and an addicted baby mama), but because we were able to build a solid foundation of support from the beginning, it all worked out in the end. He's just as devoted to my child as he is to his own, and I am devoted to his two girls.

 

How long have you been single? I used to start longing for a BF after about a year, and it was worse when all my friends were coupled.

[lipstick red]

This post reminded me of myself. While I just got out of a relationship with a divorced man with kids, and 10 years older, I could see myself being single for quite a while. I'm picky and tired of relationships that last 4-5 months then end. Most seem "taken" even in my age-group. I'm worried about the baggage thing as well. I loved my ex's kids but the relationship with my kids and his kids ( and that his kids lived with the grandparents) brought a lot of doubts in my mind. People have told me, "you will just know" when you find the right one... I don't know.

 

Ppl say "you will just know" to me a fair bit as well. Someone recently told me that we'll go through a lot of wrong fits cause when the right one comes along, it'll be so obvious that we'll really know the right one.

 

That's a whole lotta pressure on the "right" one. Also I'm in my early 30's...."right" ones feels like a distant daydream and who has time for daydreams. Such a luxury. haha

 

Yea I hear ya...relationships that last 4-5, especially when we're built for long term. It doesn't go with our dating belief system.

 

Just my two cents, maybe there were too many things going on, your kids...his kids. It's not a Brady world after all.

 

Good luck though.

[lipstick red]

Thanks for sharing. Sorry about your lost and so glad you're handling it so well and found someone supportive. Makes life sweeter doesn't it.

 

I still got lots to work on and figure out but at the same time, I tend to go with the flow alot these days. Of course I cannot and will not compromise on my moral values.

 

I've been single for 4 years now, a date or two recently that lead to a slow nothing I have plenty of guy friends but not attracted (emotionally or sexually) to them.

 

I don't go to bars or club. So in that way, I'm not 'out' there. But I'm out there by being open and approachable. I do a few outdoor activities, I get together with my girlfriends and have fun. I cook, read, go to concerts...in general I'm outdoors quite a fair bit so my life is pretty okay activities wise. I'm feminine yet independent. Not needy.